my name is "might have been", my name is "never was", my names "forgotten". it's all so sugarless, i'm full of poisen, and now i'm fading.

maybe it's just me...and maybe i'm really reserved and proper until i get to know someone....and i know for a fact i'm not a talker and i'm quiet...

but, i don't really understand those people who are...well? open from the get-go.

and not open in a "welcome to my life and world" kind of way....open in a "here, have some bitching and stupidity" kind of way.

you know those people..the ones who you ask "so what's up?" and they go on-and-on about everything in their life, down to who at the bar is annoying the shit out of them and what they'd like to do them, and explaining who each person is etc..

and i ask questions about certain things, so i know i kind of facilitate things...but that's just kind of common courtesy in conversation i think...to partake in the conversation, even if it's the most banal and petty bullshit ever...

and, in general, when they start talking about the bullshit, i usually sit there in kind of amazement that this person i hardly know is just going to fucking town in the talking department as if a--i care about what they're talking about; b--as if i care about what they're talking about; and c--as if i care about what they're talking about.

but that got me to thinking....maybe it's me.

maybe i'm more socially inept than i thought i was. maybe my saying "i'm peachy keen" in response to "how are you?" or "i'm out with my friend blah at blah bar" in response to "what's up?" is just the bare bones minimum....and it makes me seem kind of cold and like i have a boring life (which i absolutely do) because i don't go into anymore detail than needed to answer the question

it's just, i really see no point in going off into some kind of discquisition about what the fuck is going on at that moment in time......especially if i hardly know someone.

i look at it like this: i don't really care about the details...i don't care who you're out with, who the person you hate is, why they showed up, why you hate them and are mortal enemies, or your potential living situations with a person who wants to include someone you hate....blah blah blah....none of that matters to me. i don't sit there going "you know? his open admittance of hating someone and why he hates them really makes me that much more inclined to want to talk to him and spend time with him..albeit his reason for hating that person dates back to the age of six and is pretty moot now, but still. what a swell mother fucker for telling me all this!"

i don't.

basically...i don't really fucking care about the petty details in your life if i hardly know you. if i know you and have spent significant time with you and/or something flourishes, then fine..yap my fucking ear off about this shit. i'm guilty of gabbing about the most trivial shit to my friends knowing full well they don't give a shit, and they do the same with me. that's what friendship is...and that's especially what dating is...but you don't jump into friendship, much like you don't jump into full-on dating.

there's a stepping stone of acquaintances, and that stepping stone pretty much says "thou dost not have free license to bitch at all times until friendship status has commenced."

by no means am i saying that you can't bitch to your hearts content around me...there's a time and a place for everything. if i'm sitting next to you as shit unfolds--then fine, it's legit. if it plays into why your night sucked? have a fuckin' party. if i ask, for example, about someone and it launches you into a tirade, then that's fine too. but don't put the effort into making this shit known to me, and giving me play-by-play's if i'm not even in your vicinity. don't volunteer the shit to me out of fucking nowhere don't text it to me, don't call me to update me (caveat for drunk dials, 'cause those crack me up)....don't come over and go on and on about it.

i. don't. fuckin. care.

we're not at a point in our relationship where i really want to be sitting there pretending to give a shit about what you're saying, because there's really no foundational basis for me to suck it up and mimic interest...and it's one of those things where if the roles were reversed and i were sitting there going on-and-on about god know's what, you would be thinking the same shit as me: "what the fuck do i really care about this?"

i realize i'm getting to know you..but i'm thinking it's pretty inconsequential to anything for me to know that your manager at work changed shit around and now you have more work to do...or that you're getting a haircut, going to work-out, what you plan to eat for dinner etc. i mean, there's taking one for the team, and then there's taking it every fucking time you have a supposed conversation with this person.

don't get me wrong. if you want to talk about something that has a bit more depth than "my friends did this and that and this and i'm this or that and whatever-the-fuck-ever", that's fine...bring it the fuck on, and the petty details too. that's a good way to invite someone into your life..to ask them for help, or for their opinion on something actually relevant in your life.

but i'm not your fucking bitch-at-me-freely board.

this is totally my opinion here...but it makes you look like you bitch and moan and whine about everything going on in your life, and that you're totally disinterested in anything other than yourself based on your lack of questions concerning anything else this world has to offer and your inability to delve off the topic of the petty bullshit going on around you at that moment.

and that? that makes me not really want to put effort into really getting to know you.

yet, again, maybe that's just me and my a-social ways. maybe i really am that fuckin socially inept....or i'm just that big of a bitch that i couldnt' care less about that shit until the person earns the "bitch freely" card, and even then i don't really care..i just listen cause they listen to me...

am i wrong?

_______________________________________

in other news i finally got a review at this site. other comments included:

Awwww man Charred is gonna piss off a bitch today. (someone steal her picture, it’s perfect for a myspace profile!) (can you really say you’re a real bitch when you’re only 23?) ...i submitted my page for the sole purpose of being ripped apart...i'd be pissed...why? and since when is there an age limit to being a bitch? have you not met my best friends six year old daughter that can make thirty year old sales women feel smaller than her?

I didn’t mind this one too badly. I like the BTOA (Black Template of Awesomeness) and found some of the content to be amusing. ...thank you! content is the essence of blogging, not the color choices.

[she] is an HNTer and...nevermind. You just suck. Long post titles...is that supposed to draw me in? ...nope, it's supposed to make me happy and codify the song i was listening to at the time i wrote the post...besides, does anyone even read post titles?

Yeah, but she’s cute. So it’s not scary HNT. ...some might say it's scary...but, again, thank you. you're the same dude that said something about the content, so two gold stars for you homeskillet.

There is a point when the word fuck loses it’s meaning. She’s reached this point. ...what specific meaning does fuck have to begin with other than to fornicate under consent of the king? i could have sworn that swearing lost all of it's meaning the minute hip-hop went downhill and ultra-mainstream.

WTF is with that title? Is it a song or a joke or something? I don’t get it. And with the BTOD and HNT, I won’t bother. Stupid whore. ...it's my title, you aren't supposed to get it..you read it, smile, and nod...and proceed to the shit you're supposed to read...but thanks for calling me a whore based on nothing more than engaging in HNT...wooo! judgmental people make the best critics! woo!

swear to hell if I see any more HNT I’m going to go on strike. HNT is STTTOOOOPPPIIIIDDDD. Stop doing it people. I mean it. Stop. And, she seems to be proud to be an asshat. Stupid asshat. There is an art to cussing honey...you gotta know what its too much. You apparently missed the memo. ...there's an art to cussing? and here i thought they were just words that could be inserted as needed, shit! my bad for not putting them on a verbal pedestal. regardless, your use of the word "STTTOOOOPPPIIIIDDDD" really takes you out of any arena for telling someone what to do, or not do. i mean seriously, what is this? 3rd grade recess name calling? pass me the four square ball when you finish with all the "ooooooo"'s in that word.

honestly? i had higher hopes. basically my page sucks because i have a dark template, i have multi colored text, and i do HNT. i mean, honestly..everything they commented on (with the exception of one guy who spoke to content) really had nothing to do with blogging itself...it simply had to do with my implementation of it..which is really easily changed.....and the fact i engage in the whole HNT thing.

amuses the shit out of me someone thought i'd be pissed about my review..i knew full well i'd get called out on those things..which is why i'm disappointed. i knew the aesthetics and the HNT thing were going to be the topic of berating, but i was hoping they'd at least mildly speak to the content of things. i figured a "review" would be more than *click...look...scroll down for possible pics...close...write*

alas? misplaced hope rears thine ugly head again.