...if i could go back in time...
...i would go back to my first birthday and just not launch my head into the cake. i admit, great photos..but c'mon, i think it was the start of my slipper slope into goofy-biatch-dom.
...i would go back to the age of one and a half and make sure that my diapers were securely around my waist before running around outside, so the picture my parents have of my bare ass and diapers around my ankles wouldn't pop up "randomly" when people come over.
...i would go back to the age of four and i would *not* come up with the brilliant idea to play tampoline on my mothers relatively new '85 toyota carolla with all of my friends.
...i would go back to the age of five and realize that i didn't have to do everything my brother said. in addendum i would *not* pick up the fifty pound barbell which broke my hand and dislocated my shoulder
...i would go back to the age of eight and *not* let my mother do my hair in the most stylish princess leah buns i was renowned for.
...i would go back to the age of ten and instead of errecting the walls of my own shell, i'd force myself to be more social and open.
...i would go back to the age of thirteen and say "no" to staying an extra year alone.
...i would go back to age fourteen and i wouldn't have gotten in that car.
...i would go back to age fourteen and stray far from the path of self loathing, no self esteem, suicidal tendencies, and drug use. the tendencies and drug used stop, the other two i think are permanent.
...i would go back to age fifteen and completely avoid dying my hair green. it may have gotten me extra credit points in my english class on st. patty's day (the prof was irish), but that made for one horrible yearbook picture that year.
...i would go back to age sixteen and say "no" to my bastard friend who's boyfriend's best friend needed a date to prom and felt i would get along well with him. how fucking wrong she was, and how shitty i felt for totally smacking the guy when he tried to kiss me.
...i would go back to age seventeen and not cower away in fear at the propsect of not having my parents financial support, and actually do the writing thing. or at least give it a shot.
...i would go back to age eighteen and choose a different college. maybe.
...i would go back to age nineteen and instead of fucking over my gpa, just tell my parents that shit wasn't going to work out for me and change my major then, instead of 3rd year.
...i would go back to the age of twenty-one and dump him after he mentioned that he didn't really love me, he just said it because he thought he had to.
...i would go back to last year and listen to my intuition and not even bother with him. not that he didn't lead me down a path of minimal self worth, but jesus fucking christ that was just a bad move on my part.
...i would go back to january and not get on the ski lift with the whore who couldn't get off it and pretty much ruined my entire snowboarding trip.
...i would go back to april and completely avoid a select few sitautions i'm in now, and don't know what to do about.
...i would go back to two weeks ago and shut my mouth, and not feign forgiveness.
...i would go back to yesterday and completely avoid eating all twelve chicken tenders. fatty me!
...i would go back to two hours ago and say what i have to, not what i think i should.
16 comments:
Like ya said in my blog, say what ya want its your blog. Hope all is well with the family and I guess all your exams are done?
I'm behind. I just commented on your last post.
This is interesting. Damn I wish I could go back.
One day you'll have a picture of your child running around bareassed and the circle will be complete.
Green hair, really? Wow, that's impressive.
You picked chicken fingers, I usually go for sweet stuff.....we all have our comfort food moments.
Damn, don't you hate how THOSE pictures always show up?
Don't go back, always try to look forward. You may not feel good about yourself, but I think you're pretty great!
You must have been a hawt 8-yr old with the Leia buns.
I would KILL to see you in the Princess Leia buns!
Heh.
I feel you. And I understand. But... I also think that all of those things have made you who you are or have taught you something. If you had not stayed too long in a bad relationship, you wouldn't have learned and you would do it at some point. Things happen and you deal and that makes you stronger. I know I have sometimes wished to go back and not meet someone or choose to take a job over another. But, ultimately, given the choice, I don't think I would go back. It has all led me here. And here is good.
-N
I love your shit, Elle. I look back all the time and wonder "WTF was I thinking??"
Good times.
i WILL go back to last week's hnt and look at your panty covered crotch.
Deepitalianeyes: yup exams are done..and summer school hath commenced. bleh!
Todd: interesting to see how you'd be different if certain things didn't happen in your life, huh? not sure i'd abstain completely from changing things, even in the face of "me"not being the me i know today
Kristen: my hair hasbeen every color you can imagine. not a huge sweet person..other than cheesecake i don't care about desserts.
Robynb: thank ya :) the past is a learning tool, i know that. but, sometimes it's hard not to think how things would be different.
Flounder: those buns brought all those boys to my yard...until i found milkshake, that is.
Dzer: if you e-mail my momma..i'm sure you could get a lil somethin' something' ;)
Nat: the whole thing spurned from a question my friend asked me regarding if i would go forward in time or backward in time..and it just got me to thinking about all the things i would change..and voila! post! sometimes i think i would forgo being the me i know now to change some things in the past, but most of the time...i think it's just not worth it.
Jenny: uch!! i hate those moments of "wtf?!" ..i seem to do that a lot.....with men...go figure
Shane: and i will hand you more tissue for the mess.
i'm dating no one Murph.
and i don't take bare ass pics..bare tit pics only :)
The trick is accepting the things that happened and the choices you made. Right or wrong, they happened. Then choosing how to deal with it from there, that's the next trick.
very very true Matt....
it was just something i was thinking about in response to a question i was asked....i think i've dealt with things pretty well..especially the princess leia buns :)
If you could change everything in your past, who would you be now? Your past makes you who you are, even the really shitty stuff. I bet if you have a little girl you would not do that to her hair.
Guerilla: awww you like me? yay :)
Annabella: noooo! no pictures of me with green hair allowed! and i agree that the present is always a lot harder to disregard...i actually didn't put a lot of things in there because i didn't want to repeat years...but hey...that's life...full of what if's.
Leigh: nope..would no do that to her hair; however in my mom's defense, that's the only way she knew how to do my hair..so until i figured shit out, she had control.
Will: saturday....i'll have my glitter hair clips ready :)
But I bet you wouldn't go back to two weeks ago and sit through another law school exam.
Sometimes it's lovely that the hands of time keep moving.
I bet your mom would like to go back to her pre-trampolined toyota too, though.
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