in other news:
people who talk during sex----uhhhh..why? i just don't get it. you can moan, you can groan, you can give a little whimper....but talking? full on sentences?! yea, so not getting it! i understand an "oh god" here, or a "oh yea baby" there...or even the omnipresent "i'm gonna cum" all over (heh), but to TALK?!!! to do the "oh god your pussy feels so good..oh you like that..you like that" yea i'd like that IF YOU WOULD SHUT THE FUCK UP! not that i'm speaking from personal experience, of course. aside from the above stated phrases i have never found myself in the compromised clutches of "a talker", nor have i have ever really talked....but i was watching a super funny porn that jakie sent me (thanks big poppa!), and this guy would just not shut the fuck up, and you could see that female porn star was getting a wee bit annoyed at it.....and that got me thinking: do people like this really exist? do people have full on conversations during sex? i understand a little affirmation on doing things correctly is always appreciated...but c'mon? do you really need to know that your dick feels magnificent (haha my dick feels like corn! give me the butter! give me the butter baby!!)...cause i sure as hell dont' want to hear how tight and hot and moist my shit is, and, moreoever, i don't want to hear about how turned you are---it's pretty obvious when your dick is at attention..you know?
So..here's my question: what is your sexual pet peeve? what is the deal breaker for you?
I, personally, have a few:
1. those men who don't manscape or participate in any form of hygiene in their nether regions. you want my mouth down there, shave it and clean it. the end.
2. the asshole guy who assumes that just cause i'm making some form of a sound, i'm getting off. HAH! i won't name any names---clayton--but if you truely care about whether the girl got off or not, you have to fuckin ask her. and not that lame "wow, that must have been good, right?"...you have to do the whole "so, did it feel good when i did that"...or my personal fav: "you didn't fake it did you?". ohh if only my ex asked me that...god! i would have made him cry.....muhaha..okay moving on
3. the guy who refuses to do it anywhere but the bed. grow up, and do it in a bar already. it's fun!
4. the guy who doesn't make any sound at all. notwithstanding the aforementioned "i don't want a full on conversation" section, i don't want a guy who is just there hump-hump-humperoo'ing away and finishes, rolls over, and for all i know....i could have done it myself. sex is a partner sport--a non converstational-some-noise-appreciated partner sport.
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oh, and a moment of silence for those killed/hurt/affected by the bombing in london. as my conspiracy theorist friend mentioned to me this morning: "it was no terrorist attack! it was a bunch of pissed off new yorkers with some left over fireworks! ", but regardless of the cause....i hope it all turns out okay......and that france is the next target...fuckin anti-semetic, good for nothing frogs!
62 comments:
Holy Shit 1: So early into our online relationship and you're already spilling sex pet-peeves? How decadent.
Holy Shit 2: And I thought I was going to be called insensitive because I use humour to diffuse stress. I could read that fine print, missy.
Holy Shit 3: You're up blogging at 7.30 am?
Hedge: i have no tact, expect even more random sexual shtuff to come :) Oh, and i get to work at 6:45am everyday (but sunday)...so yea, i'm blogging at 7:30am.
Murph: two words: brazillian wax. i have embraced it, and prior to embracing...my razor was my best friend. and what the fuck women are you screwing? yawn much?!
oh..and marriage? *runs away screaming for her life*
Speaking of starfish: how can ANYONE think Paris Hilton is a sex symbol after seeing that video? The very definition of a starfish, ladies and gentlement.
Murph: i was asking cause it seems the women you bone are fuckin boring and aren't to into el sexo
Dude: ohhh! the burger eating oral man! i totally forgot about that one. can be okay, but...if you're being louder than me...PIPE IT TUFFY!
Hedge: anyone with a billion dollars of net worth is a sex symbol. i'm surprised she didn't hire someone to orgasm for her.
another peeve: they are boobs! do not grab at them like you'd grab a basketball being thrown at you! and for the love of god..don't add a squeeze to your grab....i got fuckin nerve endings there.
one more peeve: the man who says no to sex. oh my god..do you have a dick? who says no to sex? i understood 5 times a day was pushing it, but jesus christ you pussy..suck it up and do me! (not to name names---clayton--but, it's just something i've struggled with in the past)
Exactly. Saying no to sex is a great tactic.
no no no! there's saying no, and making me work for it
and then there's saying no and meaning no.
that blows!
Hey, No means No. Remember?
dude..clayton did ALL the fuckin time. fucker!
least gregg is all about it =)
and NO HEDGE!! no means no in all instances other than when a woman is giving consent to let you do whatever wild, bizarre, and animalistic sexual acts you can think of to her. right?!
i'm really curious as to the women you folks date.
if i'm dating someone seriously, and by seriously i mean not fucking other people...unless i'm on my death bed, insanely ill, or just showered and put on all my make-up (emphasis added to the immediacy of just...i'm not saying four hours later)..odds are you're not going to hear the words "no" pass my lips when sex is propositioned.
otherwise...you can't expect a chick to meet you and bone you. so yea, you're going to get a no!
i call your nipple hair
and ante up with......back hair
*vomit*
no..just showered and got all dolled up dude. if i just spent a half hour actually putting the bastard make-up on for some reason....then i'm not fucking it up...
it's similar to if a guy is watching "the game"...they dont' want to get laid. it's kind of the same....but totally unrelated outside of not wanting to get laid at that particular moment.
Take off your gawd damn socks.
more peeves:
the way guys act when a girl is on their period. you're old enough to stick your hoo-hoo in a hah-hah...you're old enough to deal with menstration, and get over it.
in the instance of drunken sex..it goes one of two ways: all night/you cum, or not up at all. don't expect me to sit there for 3o minutes trying to get mr happy to want to play..while you pass out in a drunken stupor...cause you were horny at the time.
no murph. it's similar. i have no idea how me putting on piles of make-up would turn a guy on...especially if the only reason the chick puts on a pile of make-up is because y'all's'got's'somehwere'to'be's. and sometimes just watching a guy stare so intently at the tv...sitting and staring, while being so enraptured in whatever ball is being tossed/hit/chucked/moved...is a turn on.
side note: watching hockey is a turn on. i have no idea why.
no sex while on period?!
and i agree with gratuitous oral at said time.
oops..
dare i say it...they've gotten weirder than us.
and that takes fuckin mad skilllllz
sex. pure unadulterated, pre-marital fuckin.
fuck the self made history.
Peeves: Having sex when you're not in the mood....period. If I had an outdoor source of plumbing then it's all good; unfortunately the indoor plumbing takes a little to warm up.
Your partner not letting you do a line off her ass...Not letting you finish on her tattoo...says she's not into "clevand steamer" and wears those fucking ankle socks.. jesus take those off.
peeve: guys who don't appreciate the fine treat of "handle bars" and insist on missionary/girl on top after seeing the "handle bars"
peeve: guys who do jizz on *you*, and then walk away and don't help with the clean up
peeve: that fuckin wet spot! i don't like it!
general rule: try and get it on everywhere but the bed (public places preferred)....keeps it exciting, and keeps the wet spot issue at bay.
peeve.....and this is an odd one....but: the girl who doesn't swallow. goes along with that whole "you're old enough to stick your hoo hoo on his hah hah and shove his hah hah in your mouth...he jizzes...get over it"..i mean c'mon....how shitty for the guy to have to hold it in while you go run off for a tissue/bucket/whatever for him to cum into? (and then get pissed off when he accidently cums on the bed or whatever). open wide, and take the throat yogurt!! jaysus!
hey..when you blow your load...you uhh blow your load?
what's wrong with throat yogurt?! wait...too graphic?
I agree with buttah...women that don't swallow are annoying.
As for pet peeves:
Women that fart, pee, or ejaculate without warning. I don't mind any of em (especially the last one since it's not too often it happens), but I hate it when it gets in your eye. It feels really weird. And "skene-juice" is a bitch to wash out!
I agree with you that conversation during sex is annoying. But especially when that guy is talking about other girls he's screwed. The guy even had the nerve to tell me that he gets STD testing every 3 months and if he gets anything it's from me. Yuk. When exactly did it become okay to talk about getting STDs DURING sex. No fucking way. Talk before, talk after but NOT DURING!
wait.....std talk while going at it? i'd throw that bitch off me.
shameless self promotion consists of explicating your std's?
interesting.
can i have another shot of throat tapioca, please? tee heee!
sounds like a bucking bronco move to me.
tapioca-esque jizz....wow....those are like swimmers on steriods, huh?
sperm tank....or i guess bank?
i'm still liking the idea of a cum shrine dedicated to me. one day that dream will come to fruition....one day!!
no man. think more artistic
think a sculpture of my decadent and sweet face.......carved out of sticky old crusty cum
and me being a perv is a bad thing.......how?!!
an bowl? oh my little orthographic nazi..you're slipping
and to weave a bowl out of stray pubes would require having pubes...which would go into womanscaping..which you adamantly lobbied for.....
dare i say it....your comment done sucked.
guess i could pry them off the wax strip. heh!
mmmmm i have this urge for tapioca.....or rice pudding.
fuck, now i want indian food......mmmmm..kir and some saag gosht. ohh and a mango lassie!!
dude, the murph loves us!
leave...get out...it's the end of you and i...
*tries desperately to get that damn jo jo song out of her head*
who the fuck whistles when they orgasm?!
any guy with half a brain can tell if a woman is faking IF he has made her orgasm at all. that IF is the bigg'un though.
i am woman
i thus
care for
amother womans.....and mine own
BIG O
i exchanged a facial for doing a line off a guys shaft
heh no just kidding
facial's not too fun....but with enough alcohol Eddie..anything is possible.
our orgasms come in multiples! shawing!
yes m'am i am taken!
and my heart belongs to the most wonderful man ever: da murph.
absolutely nothing.
but i'm in love with you murph.
A good doneky punch to the back of the head next time your in bed will take care of that whistling.
Doing a line of a guys shaft.... nice.
Johnny: i know it was nice, you were the guy who's shaft i used
Eddie: i thought you were actually dating someone at the moment, therefore both option a and b are pretty nonsensical. if not dating exclusively and simply looking to hook up..i would have gone with option a--being drunk means panties fly off--but there's an issue that would also lead me to believe that option b would work--that wonderfully old adage "bros before hos", not to mention if the stranger girls were in proportion to the crew you were with..you'd be playing wingman for some poor sap who's dick needed a home. either way....not sure what i'm talking about. eh, you should have fucked her. the end
Yea murph..ignore my profession of love!
Eddie: go to summerfest and find some drunk girl there...then you can ride the sky thing. fun! haha
so are you saying you just want to be my e-fuck buddy and not my e-boyfriend murph?
*whimper*
I hear ya! God sometimes other guys....ugh, you said it all!
yea..i was trained by the dog
s'why i lick a mean ball. rawr.
yea...in da butt!
well if we're old skoolin it...and talkin about sex....here's my contribution:
"slob on my knob..like corn on the cob....check in with me, and do your job....lay on the bed, and give me head....."
Murph not heated toilet....think of it, indoor plumbing=girl, outdoor plumbing=boy. google it.
wow 134 comments??? I'm not gonna read through all that but I'll post something anyway just to be part of what is the longest comment section I've ever seen....You are one loved girl!
butt wants head... and eddie wants to grab nuts.... i would say people are starting to get delerious.
mattball is so much better than kickball
and hey KV! wassup?!
I so agree that conversations during sex is irritating. My peevs are: ouch! that dosen't fuckin go there or maybe this one-"I thought you said nothing kinky" oh and this is my fave, "what is the rubber glove for?"
Peeve: women who don't know what gets them off.
Peeve, on behalf of the biatches: 'nice guys' who don't get why the ladies don't like them.
130+ posts? That's nothing. You should check out that Fifth Nail guy. Ok, he only got loads of comments because he was arrested for child molestation while blogging but...my, what is that thing right behind you?
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