i don't think hate can even encapsulate the insane amounts of rage that is coursing through my veins right now, but i will not be defeated. OH NO! i will fucking finish whatever it is i started..even if it turns out to be the most bare bones bullshit ever....i will not be defeated...
okay...that's a lie..i'm all about being defeated...i would like to be in bed before three in the morning..
why?
i'm really not sure. i've slept like ass since i moved to the new apartment. it has nothing to do with the change in location, other than the fact my bed is no longer where it used to be. yea, i know it probably makes no sense...but my bed is facing the opposite direction and for some reason that is fucking with my sleep.
i like to sleep curled up on my left side, and for the past...umm...well, ever since i can remember, that translated to met urning towards the wall and being on the edge of the bed. now? now, being on my left side means i roll towards the middle of my bed, and i can't deal.
i don't fucking like it!
i seriously can't sleep!
not like i ever really sleep, but it's nice to know that when i want to i can pop a pill, and i can...and now? now that lovely little fact has turned into an abyss of horrible sleepless fiction.
fucker of mother!
...so i was sitting around and thinking about the reasons i need a man in my life...and here is what i came up with:
- someone to do the heavy lifting....well, not so much the heavy lifting but it'd be great to have someone to drag my groceries from the basement parking garage to my third floor apartment, because i may be buff and a fuckin' hoss..but i'm lazy..and carrying a twenty four pack of diet coke, two twelve packs of beer and whatever else i bought is just ewww.
- i'm short...it'd be nice to be able to say "hunny, can you grab this from the top shelf for me" rather than have to grab the nearest chair, carry it to where i need it, climb up, reach, climb down, put whatever it is i climbed to get somewhere, take the chair back, and then get on with my regularly scheduled program
- i can't open jars for the fucking life of me, and it'd be nice to just hand that on over to my testicled buddy to open, so i don't have to sit there struggling, laughing at myself, tearing my hands apart, and i don't have to risk the fatal possibility of breaking a nail.
and yes, i do mean everything else.
18 comments:
Damn girl, that's a short list. We're good for a host of irritating things, you sure that's all you can think of? :)
We're good for the occasional hug, which I'd deliver in person if we weren't so dang far.
Oh come on. Youve got to have a fucking line down the street of horny guys trying to get into your panties. Hmmm.. you must require the highest form of maintenence!
We could spoon.
Trash removal.......my dumpster is at the end of the parking lot and I absolutely hate having to walk all the way down there with trash.........
so trash removal
Yep, women don't need men...good thing most don't realize it otherwise men would be in corrals like cattle, lifting heavy stuff and being "milked" for our seed so women could have children...preferably...womanchild...LOL.
You forgot "someone to curl up with at night." I'm pretty sure you posted about that just recently...
Hehehe :) You know that joke...we wouldn't need men if vibrators could mow the lawn? ROTFL.
-N
bug killing too?
my kinda lady!
psst ... I'm TALL and can lift oodles of heavy things ;)
pfft.
Pyro: no idea what i have. i downloaded it through a torrent site :) tee hee
Matt: i'll expect a hug the next time i'm in SD...muhahhahaa
Ryan: what line? and i thinkt he fact i don't need a guy to do anything for me pretty much proves i'm not high maintenance...i'm too low maintenance
Feroz: link exchange? link me if you want to.
Fireballs: i prefer to spork
Kristen: my garbage chute is right next door, so i never care. besides i take my garbage out every night when it ake my dog out and it's not really that bad carrying a tiny plastic bag of the days trash.
Chris: but i want three boys!only then will i ever be a milf!
Vlad: true. but i have my stuffed animal who does a decent job..now hush...
Nat: my mother, of all people, sent me that comic strip. frightening!
Trix: i think cleaning toilets is a boys job, they spend so much time on it..i think most of the mess is theirs
Dzer: oh! good call! forgot about bug killing...although my cat does a nice job
Emma: snarf.
i'd be yer man but i'm not sure you can handle such an enormous level of awesome in your life.
you're right shane.
i can't handle that amount of awesomeness...i prefer to sit in my cess pool of lame.
As long as we don't knifoon. That shit gets painful after awhile.
And hey, you want to change the stopper on the toilet, be my guest.
Just because i CAN do it all by myself, doesn't mean i want to. Sorry, but the pink plastic version of a man doesn't feel as good as the warmth and hard/softness of a real man.
I mean, it will work in a pinch, but going without the real thing for longer than a few weeks sucks ass.
She snarfed me.. thats hot.
*shizzle*
How Shane equated mass amounts of awesomeness is beyond me... Google mustve gotten that search way wrong.
um yeah this is going to sound lame but change which end is the head of your bed. and then left is the wall again.
and otherwise i'm trouble in shangrila on this one.
What about changing flat tires? And you can cross the opening jars off your list. You just have to get yourself a strap wrench. Any hardware store will have them, hell.. most autoparts places got em too....
Fireballs: no kinfooning..got it!
Trouble: i know what i want a man for, but i don't need a man for much..in the traditional sense of the word. gets me in a lot of trouble with the boys, because apparently "hopeless damsel in distress" is the new rage...along with girls that resemble 12 year old boys in the curviness area.
Sass: i can't. the way the room is set up, my bed has to be where it is. i'll get used to it, or get used to rolling the other way.
Sweets: i never call anyone though...but yea, i am pretty horrible at keeping in touch with people, i know :(
MissouriSavage: anything having to do with a car i can do myself, thank you very much. i changed my clutch on friday..so i think i can change a flat tire with little problem. a strap wench? hmmmmmm...have to look into that.
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