Thursday, May 04, 2006

see what it does to me? it feeds off my mind and then breaks my ability. what can i expect from me? there's nothing left to bleed. i'm just detached

my posts have been long lately, so i'll spare you all of the endless ramblings i could go into...besides, it's all an infinite abyss of enigmatical crypticness which should be avoided until an element of veracious presents itself.

at least that's the realistic thing to do. to avoid it, and tuck it far, far away from the perspective scope of the mind's eye....until something more finite and intelligible comes to center stage to give this reaction some kind of basis....

but?

i never was one for being realistic.

so, while faced with an amass of unknowns, indefiniteness, and an abstruse sense of what's going on, i know the details don't matter.

i'm going to keep things nauseatingly simple:

...i've never...
...been so fucking...
...petrified...
...in my entire fucking life...





happy hnt y'all.

28 comments:

Phain said...

sorry for the tear...

Hubris said...

Oh Elle...
be well dear. I haven't other words except... If this is at all related to your last post, I hope that someone sensitive & cozy choses you.

*hugs*

Hubris said...

srorry, chooses

Matt Vella said...

Big hug from the west coast.

JMai said...

That reminds me of a poem I read once, that started with the words "I bet you're beautiful when you cry" and ended with something like "no, you're not beautiful when you cry."

Fear can be good, though. I hope yours works out to be the good kind.

lecram sinun said...

Beautiful and emotional. Love it! Cheers and Happy HNT!

Natalia said...

OMFG...I so have to steal this idea...showing what your tears look like is sooooo perfect. I love this, Elle, seriously love it.

-N

DeepItalianEyes said...

Awww....wish I could give ya hug. But I agree with Natalia it is a great pic.

Byron said...

:-(....ever though artistically its a great pic and makes me wanna cry...

yournamehere said...

My dear Buttah, wipe away your tears. You are a fantastic person.

sassinak said...

i'm with nat
also i want to give you a big hug

what are you scared of?

Daniel said...

This isn't about the big Aussie blow flies is it?

Chip up, buttah. That's all I've got over here.

Knight said...

That could very well be the most powerful HNT (or otherwise) pic I have seen in a long time.

KJ said...

Oh sweetie.....that was so beautiful....

Anonymous said...

Nekked 'n wet. Way to spice it up. :)

Everything Nice said...

Wow Buttah, human emotion in it's purest form. I will offer you a kleenex and a big hug.

I'd take the kleenex first though... no snot bubbles.

For real doh, reach out and touch me if you need, k?

petrification sux.

da buttah said...

Le Chat Qui Et Peur: c'est la vie d'avoir les pleurs.

Hubris: this isn't about petty "i'im single" bullshit, though i wish it was. thank you, though.

Matt: thank you, my dear.

Jmai: it won't turn out to be the good kind. the only alternative is the "lesser of two evil" kind, and i'm not sure how feasible that even is.

Nat: umm, thanks?

Deep Italian Eyes: as long as the pic is good

Byron: as long as there's something good about it, eh?

Todd: thank you, but this isn't about me. and i don't know how to deal with it, because of that.

Hedge: it's more about the lack of mushrooms at subway =P

Knight: i try?

Kristen: there's always beauty in the breakdown.

Will: not sure when i'll find out, but i'll keep you posted...err.well...try to

Wes: riiiiiight

Murph: you got the parents part right. congrats.

Scumbag said...

don't cry dude. that makes me sad and shit like that.

da buttah said...

Sass: i'm scared for someone's life. best way to explain it without detail.

Em: thank ye kindly my little chouchou

da buttah said...

sorry shane. done crying, if that helps?

DZER said...

all I can say ... I will hold you and your loved one in my thoughts and prayers ... *hugs*

da buttah said...

D: thank you. it's scary, even i'm parying.

Trix: sorry, but thank you. so much beauty in sadness sometimes

Helskel said...

wow. I wish you courage DB.

Hubris said...

I wasn't talking about being single... but from your last post, it sounds like the company you've kept has not had concern for you in their priorities. I just think it is saddening.

Hubris said...

but like I said, if not related, I haven't the words & I do not understand. I just wish you well

da buttah said...

Helskel and Acecold: thank you

Guerilla: what you said was perfect.

Hubris: didn't mean to assume that. sorry. the company i keep may suck, but even still..not enough to send me into "this". it has to do with my family. thank you for your wishes, they're very much appreciated.

Natalia said...

Well how much more naked can it get than when you cry??? I mean, it is the thing you only let a few people see. I think it's fantastic that you put it out there.

But I am sorry about the turmoil, darling...didn't mean to seem cold about it :(

-N

Hootah said...

Wow E. What can I say, but thanks for keeping it real. Santa Barbara sends love. Hoping for the best...