i can't wait and hope for the best. the world waits around, while i keep slipping and losing ground. i can't keep changing because you think i should.

1. ever heard your cat make a noise that just leaves you thinking "demon spawn!"?

2. the past is a learning tool, and i completely understand that...but it's such a fucking pain in the ass. how can you not sit there and think about things and not go "god, i wish i didn't do that!"? i know its one thing to think that, and another to dwell on that fact and just let it eat away at you....but how can you not sit there and wonder how different your life would be if you made different choices? how can you not sit there and think about how different *you* would be if you chose x over y, instead? it's impossible not to go into the whole process. introspection is a bitch to begin with, throw in the added requirement of retrospect, and the funtastic "what if"'s that accompany it..and it's just a mother fucker of a recipe.

3. ever get the feeling that your life is straight out of a movie. like, you cue the right music in your ipod and walk down the street..and you can just see it being some opening scene for a flick?

4. to the asshole who actually had the gall to utter the words "you study a lot" to me-i'd like to throw my four thousand page constitutional law book at you, and see how long it takes you to read through it--for a second time, mind you--and condense that amass of bullshit into ninety pages of workable shit for you to use on a final that's going to ask you to examine shit so specifically that it will actually call for you to remember a single line from a dissenting opinon. you can follow that up with two six-hundred page books concerning agency and partnership, respectively, and condense thosetwelve hundred pages into ten and pray to god you got the important shit because it's all you're going to have at the exam, aside from your memory. you have five days to finish both of these, by the way. then, after you have both those exams--back to back- you have all of four days to then take an entire code of statutes, as well as your eleven-hundred page book, reconcile the two into a working rubric for an exam, and outline it such that if the professor asks you something, you can know it to the tiniest detail of determining what kind of cash deposit transaction is required, and what statute that prescription comes from. THEN, you can get back to me and claim that the fact i study all the time--which was just a bullshit excuse on your part, don't worry i know--is a reason for me not being worth your fuckin time. jackass.

5. looking in the mirror only to see exteme disappointment looking back is just not a good feeling.

6. there are people in your life that you just can't forget. usually those people are the ones who have gone, or left, or just forgot to stay. they dissapear without a word, or if there are words they just aren't pleasant.and yet? sometimes your thoughts still drift to them--sometimes longingly, sometimes because you want to kill them, often times because you wonder why it just didn't work. and one has to wonder, though, do they ever think about you? at all?

7. i may be chunky, but thank fucking god i'm proporionate. word.

8. when men became such pussies about their intentions, i have no idea. where men got the idea that they need to act like their give a shit and feign interest to get some ass, i have no idea. why they think giving some bullshit idea instead of the truth is the better path to take evades me. how someone can be interested in having copious amounts of sex with someone and nothing else..well? i have no fucking clue. i do know that it takes guys way to fucking long to realize that going about things in that way really isn't saving them from the asshole status they think it does, and really isn't benefitting them in the long run.

9. is there anything more annoying than a girl who thinks she's hot? even if it's perfectly founded, it's the most obnoxious thing in the world to witness.

10. i got all inspired to do my little toesies after seeing nat's adorable and gotherific toes. doing your toenails shouldn't....i repeat..SHOULD NOT..be as big of an endeavor as it seemed to be for me tonight. i'm tired, my brain is now allowed to rest after a good five days of being completely on....and that just means i've gone fuckin' retarded. but the shit dries in sixty seconds! sixty fucking seconds! so by the time i'd realize i don't like the song i'm listening to, or reply to someones instant message..the fucking shit was dry! needless to say, that took way longer, and it looks way shittier than it i'd prefer; however, for some reason doin the ol' toesies brings out the wee little artist in me---no, seriously, i'm probably the most unartistic person you'll ever meet--and i get all inspired and somehow manage to do cute shit with little gems. ..please may we have a moment of silence for the two dragonfies i tried to make that ended up extremely decapitate, and the flutterby that ended up sans wings as a result of my putzing and moving the gems *after* placing them onto my nail. anyway! yay!! cute toes!