what i want from this is to learn to let go. not of you, but of all that's been told. do you hate me so much that you can't let me out? it's nothing.

what. an. asshole.

seriously. how big of a fucker do you have to be to not even say "hi"? but, i digress..how about a little back story?

there are people in my apartment i've never seen, i admit that. i also admit that, outside of my former gay neighbor (who i miss dearly) i don't know anyone in this building on a more personal level than courrteous elevator banter, and the "hi, how are you"'s that you engage in as you pass each other in the common areas. and you know what? the common area shit, i really don't care about. people are in their own worlds at any given time, or just really don't want to go that extra mile and be affable when you're so close to home. but even still, people generally smile as they walk past you.

and that's my point: we all engage in pointless elevator banter, and the minimal smile of yea-i-see-you because it's the polite thing to do. you can't exactly ignore the fact someone is in, for example, a hall with youi, and c'mon! you're stuck in this enclosed cube with someone for however many flights. it's awkward enough as is....it makes shit a little less "you're standing there, i'm standing here...i wish this fucking thing would go faster", and a little more "i'm really not that pissed off that i have to share the elevator with you"..even if that's a total lie. (don't lie...we all would rather be in the elevator alone because..survey says? it's fucking awkward with other people in there!)

we all engage in it..except the fucker who lives in 309. outside of the fact i had no idea that a fellow law student, and fellow hater of the law school student body, moved out while i was gone last summer being a total shock to me and kind of leaving me a bit sad, i still went over to introduce myself to him. we're not neighbors, but we live relatively close enough (gay neighbors apartment is the buffer between us), and i had been gone for 3 months..so figured it'd be a nice "hi, i live in 306..i'm not some random girl walking around". i took some of the cookies i made for the gay neighbor (he was a great excuse to just go absolutely nuts with the baking/cooking...god i miss him), went over, knocked...and no one answered. so i left a note and the cookies in front of his door...walk back to my apartment..close the door..and i shit you not, 2 minutes after i had closed my door..he opens his door, takes the cookies and closes the door agian.

alright, fine. whatever. maybe he's shy..or just not that outgoing, or maybe he's just got so much shit going on that it slipped his mind (cause i'm the queen of that)....whatever! his lack of a response to my overt gesture didn't really phase me...that is, until a few months later. he and i entered the common area together..and low-and-behold we got into the elevator together. i push 3, ask him what number he's on..and he says "that's fine."..."oh, you live in 309 right?"..."yes."..."i'm in 306"......and that was the end of the conversation. a month or so after that..i'm waiting for the elevator doors to close, and he hops in. "hey, how are you?"..."fine." yea. that's it. no reciprocation....no nothing. i've pretty much been stuck in the elevator with this douchebag at least a few times a month since i returned to cleveland in august, and that's the extent of it all. he never says more than "fine". fastwaords to today: while i'm waiting for the elevator to close, i hear a "wait" come from the main door. so, i push the lil button and..well? wait for the voice to make his prescence. and who should it be?!! oh yes, the asswad! "hey, how's it going?"..."fine."

now, i know i'm in a kind of testy mood in light of recent things going on in my fun little life, feeling like the physical equivalent of a nuclear bomb explosion site, and finals being less than 3 weeks away....but, this is just fucking ridiculous. how hard is it to feign interest in someone when all it requires is a simple "you" with an ounce of voice infelction tacked onto the end of whatever response you just gave? i don't want to be your friend, i don't have grandiose fantasies about having a melrose place-esque apartment living experience, and i don't honestly give a shit about you...but jesus fucking christ! have some goddamn manners! so, suffice it to say, wee little E got a wee little pissed. "you're welcome."..."excuse me?"..."i held the door open and waited for you. i wasn't obligated to, but i did..so you're welcome. you don't have to say thanks, i know it's not in your nature to do so"...."my nature?"...the elevator doors open and we proceed towards our respective apartments..."yea, you're an asshole."...he's standing in front of his door, and looks shocked!..."excuse me?!!"...he watches me while i walk to my door, and while i'm opening the door i say: "you're an asshole. oh! and you're welcome for the cookies. you never bothered to give enough of a shit to thank me for those either." E slams her door.

what's the moral of this story? that i probably overreacted, and now have a neighbor who hates me and probably went to the leasing office, like the pussy he probably is, to bitch about me. but ya know what? it felt fantastic :)

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in other fantastical news.....it's thursday! (err well a post for thursday..now you guys can stop calling me out on that =P) and unfortunately, i haven't had time to sit down and plan out some kind of HNT picture thing...and being in the library from 8am-11pm everyday this week with only an hour break to pick up the dog and eat, isn't the most condusive to me busting out the titties and going to town. so instead? i post studious me (or at least goose said i looked studious. i won't bother getting into the fun that is the real 'emotion' in that pic, but props to anthony for capturing me at a weak point..oh, and utilizing that wonderful zoom while i'm knee deep in e-arguing...see if i let you crash here again, asshat!)

oh yea, and yes, i am the biggest dork in the world. tee hee!