on another day. c'mon c'mon..with these ropes tied tight can we do no wrong. now we grieve cause now is gone, and things were good when we were young

props to myspace for helping people who were disconnected for various reasons--in this case because he's a total asswad and i only put up with him because he was good friends with ryan at the time--find each other. i logged into my account to find an e-mail from a guy i went to high school with who probably found my page from a mutual friends page...whatever. the douchebag e-mailed me. not with hi. not with "how have you been?", not even with a "miss me?"...oh no. he e-mailed me with:

"remember this jew-stud?"

yea okay....let me vomit really quick....well..no...i give, he's hot. he really is. he knows it, i know it, everyone knows it. so fine, i e-mail him back..tell him he's still the same fucker i remember blah blah blah..and around e-mail five of me just going to town on how big his ego is, he says "you should get off that computer of yours, come to the city and be with me". i reply with: "running out of girls to fuck in the city, are you?"

his reply was: "they are all the same here. i need some variety, and i have gone through most of them but i'm ready to settle down with a mate. are you scared" and my reply of "now what on earth would i have to be scared of?" never got replied to...that fucker..

alright..now....aside from the fact his entire sentence was a giant contradiction--i need more variety in the woman i fuck seeing as i've fucked most of new york city, but i want to settle down, but you should come to the city so you and i can bone--it amazes me that after six years of successfully avoiding what perchance is the hottest jew-boy walking the earth and, incidentally, his giant fucking ego.....he hasn't changed one fucking bit. he still gets by on his looks alone, he still has no game what-so-ever, and he still lives with his grandma (hmmmm).

and i can't lie....i'm amazed at is that he's practically fucked an entire city--and not just any city, the most populated city in the USA-- of women. jesus christ, i'm surprised his dick hasn't fallen off!

and that in no way leads me to my next topic: phone sex. yea....i don't get it. no..really, it's not that i don't get it in the sense no one calls me and would engage in it with me...i just don't get the point. and i probably don't get the point because i'd laugh my ass off after the guy said "i'm touching my rock hard cock right now" or anything to that effect.

seriously! how do you not just laugh at that? i mean, i'm a pretty big hornball (and just think, i've never even had an orgasm..imagine what i'd be like if i did in fact have one? lord have mercy on that man's soul...and penis)....and i'm pretty much down to get it on anytime, any place--given that i have a boyfriend to do that with...i'm a hornball, not a strumpet--but there's something about the physical act of fucking someones brains out that just doesn't translate in the phone-bone. i mean...there's something about masterbation that just doesn't translate either....

although, i agree that having someone hear you get off is extremely hot..like..uber hot....the build up to that point just kind of gets lost on me....

well, not so much lost..as it amuses the shit out of me and i giggle and laugh like a little school-girl

is it just me? am i really that easily amused?

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...in other news, i went to a psychologist on friday...

it was a really uncomfortable experience. it's one thing to be the center of attention on your own terms..it's a completely different experience when you're the only subject matter of the conversation....and that subject matter delves far from the fluff of factual pretenses. it delves into what makes you tick the way you tick, and those inner workings are something that isn't readily available for discussion.

they've never been exposed for dicussion, actually.

i had nowhere to run and nowhere to hide...and he knew the entire hour and a half experience was absolutely grueling for me to go through. he saw me fidget with everything i could get my hands on; he saw me look off into the distance with this look of "please, talk about yourself or change the subject";he heard me backstep on my answers and adjust them so they were more of what i think he expected me to say, rather than the truth; he heard me try to generalize or philosophize responses to specific questions, he heard me become defensive and attempt to avoid his questions all together.....and he never once backed off.

i. hated. every. fucking. minute. of. it.

so much so, that as i was leaving the office..i pretty much had every intention of just walking out the door and never returning to any kind of setting that would ever resemble that again...i felt like i was betraying my parents and like i was vulnerable to the entire world for no purpose what-so-ever...

but i made the next appointment. why? mostly because i felt obligated to--afterall, i just took up an hour and a half of this mans time...time that i specifically paid to have alloted for me and the parlance of why i was seeking his time to begin with. guess i'll see how the next visit goes.