there's this car that parks in my garage...it's a maroon sebring..and the past couple weeks his friends have taken to leaving random shit on his car every night, which i conveniently see every morning promptly at 6:45 am when i leave to take sofie to daycare and hit up ye olde gym.
so, i've been kind of keeping track, mentally, of the random things they've put on his car..and written on his car (this is cleveland, and they like to salt like mother fuckers in place of actually plowing snow)...and, seeing as i have about 30 minutes to blog this fair fair night...figure it'd be funny to share.
monday: three condoms delicately placed on the front side driver window. the words "fuck me big boy" written in the dirt on the front hood.
tuesday: a large jar of aunt jemima's maple sytrup wedged into his door handle.
wednesday: the words "i love you baby, can't wait to see you on friday, love cassie" written on his car.
thursday: added below "love cassie" were the words "is a big fat ho and survives on semen alone".
friday, saturday, and sunday: nothing new added, or i just wasn't around to see if anything was
monday: two condoms tied in a knot, at the tip, placed in a heart around lil miss cassie's name. in red marker the words "love" and "you" were written on each respective prophylactic device. awwwwww.
tuesday: condoms, now hanging from the rear view mirror. seriously. i'm not kidding. they're still there.
wednesday: no change.
thursday: "the owner of this car sucks cock" sign placed right on the driver side window, with a big ol' green dildo...in picture form..taped to the door handle.
friday: sign and picture are still there. "cassie" left a little note on his trunk stating "you rocked me baby" in the salt/dirt mixture coating his car....still.
saturday and sunday: car! is! gone!
monday: car is back, and is shiny and clean. yayyyyyy!
yesterday: car is filthy again (thank god for it snowing all monday night and cleveland salting like mother fuckers), and has the words "jason couldn't even seal the deal with a whore" written on the dirty hood.
how fucking awesome is this? and it's in my own garage!! god love immature guys....endless amusement even when i don't know them!
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18 comments:
oh man dude
that would keep me amused endlessly
god help you in the summer!
maybe he'll turn out to like dirt roads and it will continue??
You should have contributed to the fun!
like blown up a bouquet of condom balloons and attached to the antenna ... or pithy, lipsticked sayings on the windows ... LOL
Panic at the Disco!, dude! Impressive, impressive.
Sass: in the two months he's parked in the garage, i've seen his car *not* there once..so i have high hopes for this summer!! it cracks me up to no end though, and it's kind of sickeningly motivating to go down to the garage and start my day
Derrek: lots of requests for another finger pic, so..i did what i had to ;)
Keith: haha, do you have pictures?! please tell me you have pictures!!
D: i don't want to mess with their flow, you know? obviously they have a good thing going with this car..i don't want to get too overzealous in letting them know that other people are seeing it, because the car is kind of hidden in the way it's parked. i just noticed because it's parked by me :)
Hedge: ya know, my music taste really isn't THAT bad!
Jay: it is kind of hard. especially with the whole making fun of the girlfriend thing..cause i've seen her. hoy....HOY!!! not good haha
murph..just shut your fucking mouth and come do me already!
jesus christ!
Cassie also requires Big Macs and oxycotin - in addition to semen - in order to survive. Other than that, their information regarding her is spot on.
If I lived near you I would change your lightbulbs, write dirty phrases on stranger's cars, and spy on you while you change clothes. Come on, two out of three are positive.
this sounds like a prank me and shs played on my ol' lady. ya see, he had this really dirty porno mag (high society i think), and we took it upon ourselves to tear out pictures and hide them on the insides of the cabinets and drawers. she came home and didn't open any of the cabinets, so me & shs got stoned and forgot about it. about an hour later the ol' lady opens up the medicine cabinet and we here her holler "you fucking morons!" yes folks, while innocently going to get an aspirin, she gets a picture of some slut staring back at her and smiling while takin' a money shot to the grill. good times.
ROTFL...priceless, really. I would take pics.
Now, I feel a bit bad for the guy... well, if he is a good guy, that is.
If he is an asshole who deserves this, then roll on the condoms and other artifacts!
-N
jesus, why even wash the car? That alone is a statement in itself.... Ohio is for lovers... errr, right?
well shit, that's what the song said!!!
It's like a public bathroom stall right there next to your car. I'm with Nat. Start a photo documentary.
please Em, don't get me started on the midwest decay that is Ohio. If Michigan is the dick of the USA than Ohio must be the perineum. Which makes Missouri the asshole of course.
Todd: so when ya movin?! hmm?!!
Dude: when i grow up i want to do shit like that
Trix: everyones car looks like a saltlick right now....wash me would just be a waste of a fine canvas for such awesome things as "you suck cock".
Shane: holy shit! that's awesome! have to try that on my mom..except she'd be like "elka...stop ripping apart your dads dirty magazines"..and i'd get all grossed out. yeech!
Nat: i don't know him. if he turns out to be the douchebag upstairs, i'm joining in on the fun though! i should take pics..but at 6am my camera is the last thing on my mind haha
Em: Ohio sucks donkey dick. holla!
Hubris: maybe i will take pics. not sure how they'd turn out though because the garage has a--A--singular light in it....and you can't hate on Ohio babe..you live in canada now...
Na fuck dat! Even Ohio folk hate Ohio. Do you know why Ohio exists? The rest of the country needed a place to fill up on gas and fast food whilst traveling...
she didn't just imply that canada was worse than ohio did she?
i musta misread... no one would do that...
noo, i meant to imply that one cannot comment on the shitfest that is ohio, if one doesn't live in the USA anymore, or in ohio..for that matter. he made it out of shitigan alive...he should be thankful ;)
haha MJ! pennsyltucky. everyone calls it that here. and i never heard "kentucky waterfall" before i moved here either, but that's way more funny than mullet!
And I thought the peeps here were crazy....
i'm almost afraid to ask but...
what's a kentucky waterfall?
it's a mullet sass :)
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