my heart knows me better than i know myself so i'm gonna let it do all the talking...but i can't quite get there because they've all foresaken me.....

first and foremost.....if you haven't ever heard of kt tunstall, and you like such great musicians as james blunt, aqualung, dido etc....(fyi: i hate hate jack johnson..but i admit that he isn't bad on the eyes)...check her out, i guarantee you'll be pleased :)

secondly, i have what's turning out to be the fucking week-long migraine from hell.....version 63. i sometimes wonder if a lack of cramps are a far better fate than being unable to look at light, or really move because my head hurts so bad. in both cases i'm pretty much bed ridden except for the gym and classes, and in both cases i'm just a fuckin bigger ray of sunshine....total upside? my skin is C-L-E-A-R! vanity is always a good silver lining, right?

anyway....

this weekend i met two fascinating specimen's of the male of the species...and by fascinating i mean fucking idiots.


specimen 1: ahhhhh yes, he mosey's up to the bar in his nice black pants, black shoes, and, i shall admit, sexy dark grey cashmere zip up sweater.....he's decent looking, too short for my taste. he smiles, and he asks me for a hennesey on the rocks. whatever, i get it for him, he walks away. then, ten minutes later i notice him sitting on my side of the bar (three bartenders, means you third the bar into sections...pool the tips anyway..so makes life easier), as i'm walking back from going to the restroom. he orders another drink, and as i'm pouring, he asks me my name, and what i do. that got "i'm elle, i'm a student".....and then he went into this awesomely faux tirade about how he's a resident in cardiology, and how they've been busting his ass and tonight is the first night in a while he hasn't been on call.

alright. perhaps most girls are stupid enough to stop listening at the word resident and think to themselves "oh, he's a doctor", and just go from there. but....unfortunately for this guy, he happened to chose the girl who was actively pursuing a career as a pediatric cardiologist until she decided on law school, and whose brother is in fact a cardiologist.

so i respond with "you mean you're a cardiology fellow?"...and what does the asswhipe say? "no, i'm doing my residency in cardiology, there's no fellowship."

now wait a fucking minute. you're telling me you defy the entire structure and educational-foundation of the medical feild?! one cannot run into cardiology...NO! one must first complete a 3 year internal medicine residency, pass the internal medicine boards, and then get into a 3 to 4 year cardiology fellowship program..before one can finally be proclaimed a cardiologist.

so i just roll my eyes, and mutter "whatever"....and he gets his lil panties all up in a bunch because little old me is questioning this astute and awesome doctor....he says: "what? you don't fucking believe me? who the fuck are you? like you know anything about medicine!"

my response: "nope, i know nothing. 38 on my MCAT..acceptance to u-mich...oh!, and my brother's an actual cardiologist...so, how do you figure i'd fall for the cardiology residency when there's no way in hell you can even understand or get into cardiology without the fundamentals of an internal medicine residency?"

shockingly, he got up and left.

idiot.

specimen 2: while i was waiting for my thai take-out saturday afternoon, i was sitting next to this relatively attractive guy (totally jewish...so relative to that), and so..i figured...i'm waiting and bored..why not engage in coversation. so, i started up one, and about ten minutes into it i found out he was 26, a sports magazine editor, and lived in china.

oops!

for those who don't know, my parents lived in china...shanghai to be exact.... for three years, and i spent about a month with them there just chillin and site seeing, visted fairly often, and spent a summer with them while working as a legal bitch for someone at the ge-grc shanghai location...

so i start asking him how he likes china, what he thinks of the forbidden city market etc..and he gets this really perplexed look on his face..and asks "you've been to china?!"

"yea, my parents actually used to live there..three years about..and i visited pretty frequently"

"oh, well..i move there in 2007."

"you just said you lived there, though"

"well, i didn't think you'd know anything about the place...."

"so you lied?"

"more like sped up the inevitable truth"

"word of advice...if you're going to hope that girls are enamored with your 'awesome lifestyle' at least research the place so you can bullshit about the place. look up some shit on china...it'll help whatever game you have."

and then i got my food, and just left.

douchbag.

.....

.....

so what is the lesson?!

if you're going to lie to further your chances of getting into a girls panties.......research your fucking lie!