doobie doobie..oooo!

i'm noticing this strange phenomenon that has occured, fairly recently, with the onsent of the metro-sexual revolution. this phenomenon has crossed the mother fucking line--for it is okay to dress well, spend time on your hair and wear designer shoes, but it is not okay to be a giant pussy about everything. that's right--men are becoming obnoxiously pussy about everything, and, in particular, relationships with the womenfolk. they bitch, they moan, they over analyze. they obey, with little objection, every fucked up demand a woman wants. they become pussy whipped before even getting the pussy. every little mistep the girl takes, every word uttered that the guy does not want to hear--is an issue. an issue that makes them delve into the interospection of their own self worth. the frail male ego is now on display and it's annoying the fucking shit out of me! i long for a chauvenist! i long for someone to snap back at my pithy comments! i long for someone to obey the "wait two days before calling her and don't seem like you want her/like her/need her" creed of yester-year! i'm not saying all men are like this, but i'm seeing a trend lately....and here are a few of the two-steps-from-gay men i know, and their pussy issues.

specimen 1: ryan.
ryan is dating the world largest cunt. this girl made him give up talking to me, talking to his roommate, and talking to any female within a 40 foot radius within the first week of them "talking"--not dating..talking! so ryan calls me up and explains the situation...tells me he's met this girl, he likes her, but she doesn't like the idea of him talking to me or talking to me as often as he does..to which i counter "so?", and being the butt-fucking-idiot that he is, he says "so, i'm not going to be talking to you as often, especially when she is around". that's right! throw away your 19 year relationship with someone for some poon you aren't even getting yet! YOU GO BOY! be all the spineless prick you can be. but it gets better!--since they have started dating, and "seriously" dating, he has completely and utterly stopped talking to me, and his roommate. how do you stop talking to the asshole you live with (i use asshole in the most loving way jakie). a few weekends ago i went to sing for a mutual friends band and ryan appeared with queen cunt. why did she come? cause god forbid he's alone with me...but, the entire time we were there, she stared at me. stared at me, like she was sizing me up as competition. and then there's my dipfuck friend ryan staring at her with these puppy dog "i love you" eyes that almost made me vomit after adequate intoxication had taken place. the entire night, he didn't say a word to me, and as i was leaving, he went in to give me a hug goodbye--but, *oh no!* the bitch grabbed his hand and proceeded to shove her tongue down his throat, and stopped smooching him only AFTER i got into my car to go bye bye. so the question is: how fucking pussy can you be? how can you sit there and let this giant cunt take your man-card in every sense of the word, without putting up a fight?! how can he even like her?! HOW? cause he's a giant fucking pussy! way to be trendy ry!

specimen 2: avi.
dearest avi is a guy i've know for, well, i guess a while. we lost touch, we gained touch..yada yada yada..since we regained touch he has been attached to my ass! i mean the guy called me five times on saturday alone...why? no idea. so after call two, i decided to pick up....and while he was blabbering about god knows what i said "dude, i'm not paying attention to you at all cause i'm watching tv, and this is way more interesting. i'll call you later"...so that's that. before i even got the chance to contemplate calling him back....he called me back another two times. JESUS CHRIST!! why?!! i know he has some sick fantasy of potentially dating me in the not so far of distant future, but back the fuck off dude. ever hear of not smothering the woman? ever heard of keeping her in suspense? ever heard of absence making the fucking heart grow fonder?! ps. you have no shot in hell. oh, and while we're at it--why not develop some sort of a personality, i hear it helps.

specimen 3: igor
ahh yes. we are/were friends; however, there was the major caveat of "you can't discuss anything having to do with your love life with me."... why? god only fucking knows, but i've stringently followed his bullshit rule for a little over a year now. a few people have insinuated that he likey likes me...whatever the reason is, it's utter bullshit. you can't caveat friendship, especially when the major topic of discussion among friends is dating and who you want to/have fucked. so, in the face of him calling me, as always, a hopeless prude who desperately needs to get laid, i flat out said "i did get laid", and thus the current tirade began. oh yes! i hurt his little manly feelings, and now i'm a heartless bitch...why? cause i got laid and told him. *oh no!* so upon confronting him about the bull that is his shit, he simply said "you want me to throw a party for you because you got laid? why do i need to know? why did you even feel the need to tell me that"....geee, let me think---cause you think the key to all my problems is, oh, i don't know, GETTING LAID?!! cry me a fucking river you homo. grow up, grow some balls, and grow thicker skin and yes, yes i do want a fucking party!

specimen 4: kevin (via the rantings and stories of the dude)
this one will be short and sweet, as it is not my story to tell. he married a midget, he's miserable, and he doesn't wear his wedding ring so he can pick up chicks at bars. why not get divorced? cause poor little baby doesn't want to be lonely, and the loneliness of being married to a midget with a huge ass, no tits, and who is a religious zealot..is far far FAR better than the loneliness of meeting worhtwhile people and perhaps having the chance of a happy future. idiot.

specimen 5: gary
this will also be short and sweet: gary couldn't break up with his psycho bitch of a girlfriend because, quite simply, he felt bad and he didn't want her to think that she is truly a bad person. not until the bitch went absolutely nuts on his ass, downed a bottle of pills, scratched him to the point of bleeding, called the cops on him and lied about him abusing her (when it was vice versa), and he spent the entire night in jail while she got off scotch free, did he kind of think that maybe her thinking she wasn't such a good person wasn't such a bad idea. it totally clicked in his head that she was a nutjob when she went to his residency program director and told them that he was an alcoholic and frequently came to work drunk, which, also, was a lie. they, thank god, broke up. gary has recently broke up with a JAP-tri-delta bitch of a girlfriend, and is now single in houston. (jap means jewish american princess by the way, not japanese)

specimen 6: gregg
for those who don't know, somehow i managed to end up seeing someone who lives in cleveland....even though i live in fucking upstate new york at the moment. how? well we met 3 days before i was supposed to move, spent the entire 3 days together, spent 4 days together on the 4th of july, and he's the guy so subtly mentioned in specimen 3's rant. don't ask, it works...and in august i'll be back in the cleve. anyway, gregg is not a specimen of pussiness to the extreme. oh no, he is an example of being a sensitive guy, with humor, and balances it perfectly with being a complete dick--hence i like the fucker. he gives clear warning signs that he will gay it up, by simply stating "i'm going to gay it up", and he counter's the "i like you"'s, and the "i miss you"'s, with such niceties as "i'm on the phone with cunt, will you please shut up" (to his roommate), or "you're such a pig fucker elle", "whatever you yenta cunt" ..etc. awww, how sweet. but hey, i like it. he's egotistical enough to stand up to my shit and not do everything i say or take everything i say to heart, but he's sensitive enough to not encroach on who i am in any way shape or form, and to be a fag every now and then. it works anazingly well. who else can you make fun of, if you can't make fun of your somewhat significant other?

so there you have it kids...5 examples of guys being completely dickless in the face of some poon, or in the face of hearing shit they just don't want to hear, because...wah wah, it hurts. as i stated, this isn't a blanket rant on all you xy-ers out there, nor is this a blanket rant on men taking that extra step to make themselves more amiable and sensitive, as the times sort of mandate. this is simply saying that those men who can't excise themselves from the dramatic manhole that is their own ego and laugh at themselves, or stand up for themselves, or, god forbid, tell their steady poon to go fuck themselves are just abso-fucking-lutely annoying as all hell! and for the record, it pisses me off when women pull this bullshit too.