nobody wants to know him, for they think that he's just a fool but the fool on the hill sees the sun going down and the world spinning round.

To Whom It May Concern:

Although I’m certain it neither has ever nor will ever concern the wholly bombastic synaptic reflexes that occur haphazardly in your weary little head that exists only in a realm of all things that perchance may serve you some kind of purpose or that requires the most minimal amount of effort on your part, I am not so fortunate. Laziness is a dish best served by someone else, and I was cast-off from that categorical servitude with not so much as even a breadcrumb to satiate my overactive mind.

I should have guessed a disconnect would have happened, after all it has so many times before; and yet this oh-so-commonplace dissociation seems so much more difficult to grin and bear than the rest. Honestly, at this moment in time, I really have no idea why since you have always clung to this creed of elementary and clairvoyant when it comes to dealing with people. You thrive on the path of least resistance, it’s a state of being you embrace in all facets of your life, so I suppose it’s mostly my own hurt and umbrageous nature that thought for so long perhaps things could be different.

Bottom line, I know full well that the old saying “out of sight, out of mind” has few caveats and when the majority migrated onto greener pastures I really didn’t care, but for some unbeknownst reason, I thought you would be different. I thought the six years of friendship forged between us and based on an undeniable kinship and understanding would conquer all. How foolish I must have been, no? I, of all people, should know that a friendship cannot exist merely by will alone, and a friendship certainly cannot exist absent the two required to tango. I understand that keeping in touch in this modern world has become increasingly more difficult, what with e-mail, instant messaging, and text messaging, but you would magically find the time to “speak” with me when it was in your best interest. Meanwhile, like the dolt I am, I would initiate everything: I called, I e-mailed, I texted, I visted, I planned and implemented vacations. It’s a laundry list of me, me, me, and it’s a laundry list that has finally solidified into the undeniable fact that whatever friendship, relationship, or acquaintance we might have had was wholly my own creation.

I’m not sure what I expected. I was the only one who didn’t stroke your ego continuously and cater to your desire to be placed on a pedestal: while others would engage you with how beautiful you supposedly are even if you are overweight, I’d simply invite you to the gym with me; while others would coddle your stupidity with regard to the internet and men, I would simply roll my eyes and say nothing more than “he’s an asshole,” and, while others would tell you how you can achieve anything, I would be the one telling you to get on top of things and actually work to get to where you want to be. I never quite fit the mold of the company you so obviously chose to keep, and so, in retrospect, I really shouldn’t be shocked that whatever existed between us was wholly a figment of my own imagination and doing, but I am.

It’s been nearly two years since you last bothered to acknowledge my existence, and for some reason I can’t seem to let go. In part it has to with the fact that there are so few genuinely good people in this world that when you do find one you hold onto them, and I just can’t seem to jump the hurdle that “genuinely good” is a description that never should have been assigned to you seeing as you lack even a hint of common courtesy. And yet, for some reason I just can’t get you out of my head. When my family asks about you, I pretend as if I don’t care we don’t speak, but I do. When my husband asked me what I did to cause our rift I yelled at him for assuming it was my fault, but I was secretly wondering if maybe it was something I did. When people asked if you would be my maid of honor I acted as if it was the most absurd idea I’d ever heard, but I’d always assumed you would be filling that role.

What’s absolutely pathetic on my part is that, even though you cast me off, I’d pick up things where they left off as if nothing happened were I given the chance. Lucky for me I’ll never get that chance. Without question, I really must thank you for striking me off the list of people you give any surmountable amount of a shit about because with friends who have no interest in you or your well being, who really needs enemies?

Respectfully Yours,
E.