when everyday the forecast calls for i hate myself again, i don't think there's much else to say except i'm begging for something to change.

my grandfather died tuesday night.

i'm not allowed to discuss the details of the whole situation and it's killing me. the details of the situation pretty much haunt me...

not as much as they haunt my mother, i'm sure. she may have been a nut case before, but after this she's bound to be a total basket case....and?

rightfully so.

my father i'm sure is too.

if i've talked to you during the past few days and i was less than courteous, sweet, or even have been a darker, more sadistic version of my naturally un-sunshine self...well, sorry. i'm trying really hard not to let things get the best of me and my overall mood, but i can only keep myself so busy...and the thoughts have a strange way of creeping up on me.

i'm going to take a break from this blogging thing, i think. this place went from being an outlet of my thoughts and general personality to a constant reminder of how i can't stand myself...and i don't want that. i think removing myself for a bit may bring back the original intent behind this little shithole on the net. i'll post...but not nearly as frequently...which isn't even that frequent at all.

i do love you all, cherish you all, and thank you all for all the help, strength, courage, advice, and general warm fuzzies you all have given me. i really do appreciate you guys.

if you'd like to keep in contact with me, the e-mail's over on the left...
if not...until the next time we meet in cyberland...
i love y'all.