lie awake in bed at night and think about your life. let go of the truth because this is just a game. it's a beautiful lie, it's a perfect denial.

dear murphy's law,

i know i bitch and moan about you a lot, and it's not because i hate you. no, i rather enjoy the endless amounts of curveballs you send my way and how you seem to take my expectations and go completely one hundred and eighty degrees away from it and then invert it, shove it in some undisclosed cubby with a name that in no-way mirrors what any sane categorization would yeild, and proceed to laugh your ass off at me while i sit there and go "what the shit?" that! that is why i bitch and moan about you! why are you such a fucker? i mean i take insane amounts of glee in other peoples non-violent, non-harmful, and fairly fluffy plight, but you're just straight-up mean! what the fuck is with me getting a higher grade on my exam when i finally broke down and looked at the material three hours before my test than the grade i got on the test that i kept up with the readings, did the homework before class, and actually put some effort into learning. i'm not complaining that i did better, but i know i'll either study my ass off for the final or not study at all...and somehow i'll get my grade and wish i did the opposite. why? because of you! you butt fucking son of a bitch! damn you!

smooches!!
-e

hey....hey dou.....hey douchebag!

dude, what the fuck? alright, i give....i'm not a huge audi fan, but your s4 was really nice and i particularly liked the chrome itn rims you had [i think they were itn's..i could be wrong], but that's about it. i understand it's hot as a mother fucker outside, i understand the sweat drips down the crack of your ass like niagra about five paces out in the lovely outdoors, but is it necessary to drive without a shirt on?! rephrase: is it necessary to drive without your shirt on while your windows are open when the option of air conditioning is probably not only a more logical alternative, but probably makes for a cooler environment in your car? also, is it necessary to constnatly look into the rear view mirror and fix your hair? i know i'm guilty of this, but there's a huge difference between you and me. no, it's not because i'm a female...it's this slight little detail..the tiny detail that i have hair and you are fucking bald! put a shirt on, and stop rubbing your bald head, mr clean.

this public service announcement brought to you by:
the chick screaming along to the deftones in her car.

to: ohio drivers
from: the ny driver
re: merges

the point of a merge is to enter the flow of traffic. the sign before you enter the highway is not a stop sign, it's a yeild sign....i know they look a lot alike. i mean one is red...one has red lines....one's a fucking octogon....one's a triangle...one says stop in huge fucking white letters...the other says yeild in equally huge letters that have a little jungle fever. so what's my point? don't fucking come to a complete stop when you realize that the right lane you are trying to merge into has a car in it. push your fucking gas pedal. i'm not saying you have to pass them, i'm not saying you have to rage a war with them and engage in a side-by-side game of chicken...all i'm saying is you'll have a far better shot of getting onto the highway if you aren't sititng there completely stopped in the merge waiting for a hole. understand?

goddamn you fuckers are lucky i'm a non-violent whore who hates guns...leave it at that.

hi. my name is elle, and i'm addicted to shark week.

it started when i was a wee little lass...around age seven when my family first got a nifty cable box and my family engaged in family tv watching, which pretty much consisted of the news or the discovery channel. shark week was like finding couture among the chiffon of goodwill...it was awesome. it satiated my nerdiness with a fierceness! and now, nearly sixteen years later, it still does. i have stayed up until nearly five in the morning every night this week watching show-after-show about the aweomeness that are sharks. i'm a dork, i know. and i'm insane too...because my goal of going into a shark cage with great whites has now been usurped by the goal of free-diving with great whites.

and y'all didn't believe me when i said i was an adrenaline junkie and a complete nerd
-da buttah

dear blogland,

wishing you a happy hnt..and giving you some tits:

!!!happy hnt!!!

gotta love the "i slouch too much" line..huh?

much wuv to mah bitches!
-i'm really not much more than the sum of my tits, i know.

__________________________

goddamn, i'm a fucking idiot lately....jesus!

i got reviewed again. yea, i said i got reviewed again...for the third mother fucking time...and this time? not so bad!

i write too much, i man hate, i'm apparently a closet lesbian...but i got proposed to all because of those two giant globs of fat showcased above. i knew those bitches would come in handy!

praise the sweater puppets!

i also had someone lay dibs to my hoo-hoo peircing...and....another one of them proposed. i may blabber, rant, rave, and manhate...but holy fuckballs! i feel the love between two proposals and a clit claiming!

now if only i could get a date....