these days are great, there's work to do. would you like to work with me? i'd love to work with you. it's something positive and negative too.

aloha!

and welcome to the most funnest place on earth: my corporate office. disney ain't got shit on this mother fucker. say it with me--yeeeee fucking haw! because there is nothing i like more than hauling my shit down a hall for three days, putting shit half assedly away, leaving my poor kitten alone in a new apartment after spending only eight hours in it before i left, and driving six and a half hours to the lovely albany--where they didn't have electricity until four this morning--to sit in an office from six-thirty in the morning 'til whenever doing absolutely dick.

oh..and yes, you read correctly...no power until four this morning. it wasn't even the entire city! nope, it was just the street my parents live on....and i'm not talking like the entire neighborhood was out, or the entire block or whatever....i say nay nay! it was just the street my parents live on. less than a block down tyou could see people soaking up the gusts of their awesome air conditioning and basking in the rays of excited electrons.

kind of makes you wonder how people lived without any form of electricity. i mean i can deal without having light--in fact, my shower by candlelight was rather smashing and would have been more awesome had someone around six feet three inches, tall, dark, and handsome was in there with me but i take what i can get--i can deal with the no tv factor to. i can't deal without having a computer. it's funny how dependent we've become on gadgets and little electrons being excited, eh?

anyway..back to the most boring drive in the world.

i swear to god the drive from cleveland to albany is torture. it's straight, it's two lanes going in each direction, and there are trucks fucking everywhere.

everywhere!

and if you've ever read anything on this here peice of shit on the net or know me in anyway, you know i am petrified of trucks...for good reason too! bitches are out to kill me! i swear! there is something about me that attracts eighteen wheelers towards me and begs them to just test out the fantastic crumple zones on my car. if semi's are trying to rectify some shitty karma, well then...i have no idea what i did but it must have been before i was conscious and extremely, extremely bad.

so yea, six hours in a car with nothing but me and my ipod to amuse me...well, c'mon..am i e? or am i e?

driving for with dummies.

1. i don't care how fast you're driving, i don't care if you make speed racer look like he's standing still..i don't care if you're in a fucking mclaren..if you have a handicap tag hanging off your rear view mirror you need to not be in front of me in the left lane. it's fundamentally wrong to reap the benefits that the mighty stick-figure-in-a-wheel-chair tag sows, and then go pedal to the metal. i don't know why, it's just wrong. don't question, just move the fuck over and go one-hundred in the right lane.

2. three words, five syllabls...shirtless truckdrivers. *gag*

3. if you're going to pass someone, pass them. don't move over into the left lane (all the while cutting me off and making me go from a pleasant and happy ninety five miles per hour to a myocardial infarction inducting sixty-eight..but i'll overlook that...for now) and go about two miles per hour faster than you were going while you were in the right lane. i'm glad you took the initiative and decided that reaching your destination slightly faster than in the amount of time your former snail pace yeilded, but upping the speed factor a whopping three miles per hour isn't going to do much...well, outside of pissing me off.

4. hi. i drive fast. i like to be in a constant state of at least eighty miles per hour and on long hauls i like to be in the ninety-five to hundred range...so kindely do not fucking decide that you want to go sixty-eight instead of sixty-five, move over in front of me when there is no one behind me for miles in said left lane, and make me have to downshift into fourth and slam on my brakes. iwill flail, i will scream, and i will get so incredibly close to the ass of your car that it will seem like i'm just sitting on your trunk joy-riding.

5. hey asshole....you have brakes for a reason. that reason is not to have something to putz around with while you drive. braking for abso-fuckin-lutely no reason is obnoxious...oh! and would it kill you to use a turn signal? i do love the element of surprise, but i just think it's a safer bet if you just tell me you're going to dash in front of my car rather than having me use some divine powers i totally lack and not slowing down.

ohhhh....and i got pulled over for speeding...yes, i know you're shocked given than i pretty much push my little civic to hit speeds that i'm sure most people go "that can't be a civic" to (i got her to one-hundred-fifteen this time...awww yeyeaaaahhh!), but the guy caught me going eighty-one in a sixty five. hell is about to freeze over and the end of the world as we know it is coming. why? the guy gave me a warning. i never get warnings!

and courtesy of el padrino:

[the photo that would be here isn't here. thank blogger for that, seeing as it won't let me upload a picture]

happy hnt y'all!

**************************************

LOOK! blogger stopped being a butt fucking fucktard!

so, courtesy of el padrino, it's a very very rare photo of me...me on the phone. HOLLA! good god i hate talking on the phone.

and does anyone else want to bitch smack the UN for going insane that during a fucking war their outpost got bombed? what the fuck were they expecting? bombs and grenades to be launched, and the one that hits them to open up into a bouquet or flowers?

what the fuck are peacekeepers doing in the middle of a goddamn war anyway?!

dipshits.

even still, the people suing president bush for the use of US missiles by israel are bigger dipshits. america can't let itself be outdone on the international dipshit scene, huh? the UN is coming closer and closer to encroaching on our lovely dunce cap.

*shuts her jewish pro-israel ass up and walks off*

*walks back*

still, it sucks that the bulk of the war is going on in the exact fucking town my family lives in. what is the big fucking deal?

"oh no! they're killing terrorists! stop them! that's horrible! terrorists who want to end western civilization are people too! stop bombing and killing them, even though they started it and you're just protecting your people! stop it now!"

fucking idiots.

*deep breath and walks off again*