somewhere after midnight in my wildest fantasy, somewhere just beyond my reach there's somone reaching back to me. i need a hero.

it always kind of shocks me when guys get all excited and act shocked when they find out a girl shaves to resemble a prepubescent ten year old.

why is this so shocking? i really doubt any woman is walking around sporting a seventies retro bush and thinking she is hot shit because of it. in fact, most women groom in some way shape or form..whether it be bald, landing strip, designer shapes, letters, dying certian parts or whatever. we suffer through it.

why?

because the fundamental difference between men and woman is that while men could give two shits about what women want and what society dictates down to them (metrosexuality excluded, y'all snorted that up like crack fiends at a "congrats on finishing rehab" party). all men really care about is their comfort...and if comfort dictates a girl floss while simultaneously going down..then, who the fuck cares? he doesn't itch between shaving, he doesn't have to worry about knicking his balls, and he still gets to cum...so what's it to him?

women on the other hand take everything to heart. we sit there and find out how to be perfect for you...and with that we shave over three quarters of our body regularly, primp, preen, buy clothes (and if we're dating someone, we buy them thinking of what he will like), moisturize, nair, wax, pluck, exfoliate, boost this, push up that, flatten whatever, and even contemplate plastic surgery....all so we can have you look at us with adoration.

fucked up no?

i'm not saying that guys don't take the time to groom and make themselves all purdy for us women. i know a lot of guys that do...even though i can pretty much say with certainty they engage in these things because they know it ups the chances of them getting pussy. it's pretty much common knowledge that women are more apt to let no drop go to waste if she's not pulling hair out of her mouth ever few minutes...and if a guy smells good and dresses well and has soft skin..well, that's just delish.

but women do it not because it gets them more dick, but because it's what guys like. it's what society has screamed at us....and rather than think "fuck it, i'm comfortable as an amazon women in sweats" we go absolutely fucking insane and do some painful shit to ourselves to acquiesce and conform.

yea, shaving? fine if you can go the twice a week route..but stubble isn't allowed..and razor burn hurts...especially in the poot area. plucking? not horrible, until you get the one hair that just makes your eye turn into fucking niagra falls for a half hour. make-up? i absolutely love it..but nothing pisses me off more than a guy who says i wear too much make-up because i wear dark eyeliner and oogles the chick who has so much foundation on it's like a second skin--a discolored second skin at that. fashion is absolute bullshit..and i'm just praising allah that skin tight is out and flowy tunic shit is in. and i'll spare you the shit that accompanies having hair that doesn't resemble a rats nest...but let me just say, aluminum foil is not fun.

so why is that? why do men just shrug it off and say "whatever" if it disrupts their normal day-to-day and comfort, and why do women go absolutely balls out on every imaginable front regardless of their comfort and day-to-day and without so much as batting an eyelash or thinking it's weird that they're sitting there on a table on all fours and pretty much spread eagle in a reverse sense while some strange lady applies hot wax and rips out all their pubes...while a guy can't even manage to trim? why do women constantly agonize over their weight and size, while guys wear their beer bellies with a pride that is just uncharacterizable?

why do women enslave themselves to be perfect, while men couldn't give more of a shit if they are wearing white socks with black shoes?

and yes boys...that is a major faux pas.