ransom notes keep falling out of your mouth. spin me around again and rub my eyes-i take comfort in this sweeping insensitivity of still life.

ladies and gentlman...

i have once again been the victim of the "dote and dash." now, you may be asking yourself what exactly is a "dote and dash"...well, let me explain:

the "dote and dash" is what happens when a guy meets you, lavishes you with affection, attention, praise, and goes out of his way to make sure you know he's thinking of you. he utilizes the catch word "we" in crucial moments..he speaks to the future and includes you in it..he forecasts time spent together, he laments you not being in his arms every night. basically, he implements "perfection" so fucking perfectly, that even if you are on the fence with regard to your interests you can't not just let yourself fall a teeny tiny bit..you can't not buy a little stock into the fantastical notion that maybe...just maybe...you're not giving him enough of a chance, you're not being open enough..maybe, just maybe...there's something there that you aren't letting yourself see.

so, you give in a little, and when you do, and he realizes that he's overcome whatever fucking barriers you have....or he gets bored, or finds someone more suited to his likes and/or needs, or any other reason, he dashes.

poof! gone! he magically disappears: multiple phone calls a day become not even returning your phone calls; plans turn into options and not finite commitments. he just stops...everything. he just stops giving a shit about you.

it really is an interesting display of male ego. in fact, i think it exhibits the male ego at its finest. why do i say that? because there's no other fucking way to explain why someone would put time and effort into something to just cease with both altogether one day, other than to prove something to themself. what is that something?

that they can get the fucking girl to give in.

they don't give a shit about the girl, so the fact she's sitting there wondering what the shit is going on is pretty inconsequential...all that matters is that their little go was boosted to perfection.

normally when this occurs (as it has almost everytime since i've resumed dating, which i'm thinking of giving up again...for the record), i usually just go back into the shadows as quietly as i entered the scene. they don't want to talk to me or see me again, fine. i'm really not one to play the role of psycho needy bitch, and i'm really not one to argue with people's decisions, especially when they involve me...

but? i'm getting fucking tired of it. i feel like a fucking idiot and pretty much let it take my self esteem down another four hundred notches (which in the grand scheme of things is negatable, seeing as i'm in negatives anyway most of the time), while they sit there sleeping sweetly every night and without even fluttering an eyelash over the entire thing.

so this time i called him out on it...err well sort of. basically i just told him it was a pleasure knowing him and wished him luck in the future. that was enough for me to be done with the entire thing. but he responded:

"what is this shit? why are you being an ass?"
i'm being an ass? i'm not the one who fucking can't return a goddamn phone call and grow enough balls to just say "i'm done with you" was what i wanted to say, but instead i said: "how am i being an ass?"
"this crap. don't be like that. you're making me feel bad."
awwww poor baby feels guilty..why the fuck should i care? you obviously don't care that i'm slightly upset. "sorry. i just figured you didn't want to talk to me anymore"
"no, i've just been busy."
hah, busy. don't tell me you're fucing busy. i work two jobs full time and go to school and manage to talk people daily, if but for two minutes to say hi and see how they are. "alright, got it. sorry"
"why are you so pised off anyway?"
i'm pissed at myself for doing this again, and i'm livig at the fact you, of all people, did it. "i'm not pissed off, just figured i'd give you a clean out."
"what? don't be like that. i don't need this right now, i don't want to deal with this right now."
you're right. why should you need this now. things were find when you thought you were in control huh? who gives a shit about me, or how this affects me...you go do what you have to, get back to me at your fucking convenience master. "fine. sorry. have a good night."

yea, i'm a giant pussy...i know. logically i have no reason to be upset...and i'm one logical whore..so saying what i feel isn't really easy for me. regardless, that pretty much was the proverbial ray of lite i needed to just toss him in the "mistake" category and just not fucking bother even trying to call-him-out, so to speak.

no more skulking off though...nope...i'm going to get my retribution, and seeing as i can't get it in an adult way because he just doesn't want to deal with me "right now," i'm going the most immature route possible.

yup! that's right...i'm capitalizing on his absolute disgust and detest for homosexual guys and giving him, just as a little "from me to you" gesture, his own personal ad on the "man seeking man" personals section on craigslist.

it's just a little token of my appreciation for him being a complete fucking douchebag.