my soul starts spinning again. fun's not fun anymore when i'm left here all alone. my soul is broken again but i can't stop moving along and feeling.

ladies and gentleman....

i got my mother fuckin car back!!

oh that's right! me and my civic are back to haunt the streets of cleveland with bitchy, aggressive, defensive, impatient, road rage and expletive ridden driving...and i've never been more excited to return to my regular driving self.

and i have to admit that it's kind of sad that i'm stoked to have back my car in all of its 127hp glory, but that ever so cleverly leads me to the point of this post: american cars fucking suck. but before you get all pissy on my ass, and get all american loving patriotic and report me to homeland security for being against "us", let me explain myself in the easiest way possible, yes?

the 2005 chevy cobalt ls coupe v. the 2004 honda civic ex coupe

round one: judging the book simply by its cover. read, set, fight!

we'll start with the cobalt:

it's not horrible. in fact when the chevy cobalt first hit the scene i thought it was a really cute car...which pretty much makes any guy who drives one (even in ss super charged form) a flaming homsexual in my opinion. it's your typical coupe....it looks like a dodge neon and a ford focus got together one night for some wild drunken orgy, and had a love child thereafter called the chevy cobalt. the overall shape of the car just screams "loook!! i'm a fucked up dodge neon" and that element of fucked up comes from the very focus-esque shnoz.

next up: the civic

looks wise, its average. like the cobalt its cute. unlike most coupes on the road, it doesn't take that "flying saucer" appeal of rounded everything, and stuck to a square ass, clear cut lines on the side panels, and opted against the ever-so-stereotypical overtly downard sloping shnoz that supposedly gives cars a more "sporty" look. it's a re-design of the re-design that signaled a new age in civics (pre the re-design that signaled the departure from the clear lines and square ass of the 2006 civics), and kind of draws upon the highly favorable look of the toyota corolla, but it has enough tweaks that no one would ever confuse the two. ever.

the verdict: while neither of the two would make any onlooker sit back and go "that is a sweet ass ride," the civic wins purely because theres no way you can confuse it for another car. you see it, you think civic. conversly, the cobalt, at a glance, could be a neon....or a focus....or a stratus...or a fusion....you get the idea.

winner: civic.

round two: i want to feel you from the inside. ding ding!

interior wise it's kind of like comparing apples to oranges. i have the highest end model of the civic, and the rental company gave me the cheapest version fo the cobalt they could buy...so, i'm really not sure how the uber swank cobalt interior would be. accordingly, i'm goin to leave this as a tie....although if the interior of the cobalt i had is any indication of what the other interiors are like....lord have mercy on the poor soul who has to spend eight hours straight in the bucket seats like i did...i just hope the higher end versions at least have lumbar support.

winner: no one. i'm being quitable for once in my fucking life.

round three: what you rockin' under dat hood..holla!

we'll do this as a side by side comparison

	cobalt: $18, 195	civic: $17, 720
engine	2.2 L dohc16 valve inline 4	1.7L sohc 16 valve vtec inline 4
horsepower	145hp @ 5,600 rpm	127hp @ 6,300 rpm
torque	155 @ 4,000rpm	114 @ 4800rpm
weight	2989lbs	2601lbs
transmission	4 speed automatic	5 speed manual

the verdict: alright....obviously the cobalt is a more powerful car. more horsepower, more torque....drawbacks are that it doesn't come in a stickshift. the cobalt weighs more, but only about three hundred pounds, which, given the increased horsepower and and torque, make it marginal at most.

winner: cobalt.

round four: show me what you're working with..and drop it likes its mother fuckin' hot.

cobalt:
so, i spent an entire week driving the chevy cobalt, and let me just say...for all intents and purposes i couldn't tell that it had more torque or more horsepower than my civic. the thing drove like the equivalent of a boat...it just kind of felt like i was floating on the road--i couldn't feel the road at all. what rock was that i'd slightly turn the wheel, and the car would go careening towards that side. it freaked the shit out of me. i'd have to slam on the gas to get the car to go any fraction of a mile power hour faster than whatever speed i was "cruising" at. the breaks absolutely sucked, and the abs brakes would engage whenever you moderately slam on the breaks. and the denoumont was the awesome suspension and swerve factor. ohhhhhhhhh yes, if you happen to take any form of a turn or curve over the speed of thirty miles per hour the car swerves completely out of control. the first time i drove the car, i took the exit for chester, which involves a butterfly turn, and the fucking car swerved completely out of control and skidded everywhere. it was the equivalent of finding a patch of ice and slamming on your breaks. fun as fuck to play with intermittently, but not really something i'd want on a regular basis.

civic:
i'm partial to the fact its a stick shift....and partial is putting it lightly, but COMPLTELY overlooking it, the car drives well. decent suspension given the car...i can take turns at more than thirty miles per hour and not completely swerve out of control. the abs brakes only engage when you seriously slam on the brakes..in fact, i've only engaged then four times and that was when i was, in fact, skidding out on ice. if i move the steering wheel slightly my car doesn't fly in that direction. you can feel the road...slightly..but a lot more than you can in the cobalt, and the car doesn't just kind of float on, which though an awesome song by modest mouse, isn't really a good thing for a car to do.

verdict: neither car boasts awesome road performance, but i can't stand driving the vehicular equivalent of a boat. the s.s. cobalt was fun for strategic "yeeeee haw" purposes, but on a regular basis that whole swerving, and skidding, and not being able to take any turn at a speed exeeding thirty miles per hour is just fucked up!

winner: civic.

overall winner: civic.

so you see?

despite the fact that the cobalt has more horse power, more torque, and costs more....it's a piece of shit, drives like shit, and looks like every other american coupe on the market. the civic, though sporting less horse power and less torque, is a higher quality automobile in every sense of the world.

the car actually has an inkling of a suspension and road handling, and you get more bang for your buck: the ex model comes with a sunroof, power windows, alloy rims, and an upgraded speaker system...stock. the cobalt has all those things as options. makes you wonder why you're paying, at minimum, a thousand dollars more.

makes it really hard to buy american, when the foreign competitor is kicking the american model's ass in every way shape and form, and comes at a lower price with a higher quality.

american car companies won't ever survive in a global economy unless they shape up, ship unions out, and actually start producing higher quality cars with more bells and whistles standard. it's fairly obvious to anyone looking what the course of action should be for car makers such as gm and ford, and yet? they can't seem to see it themselves, or implement enough change to take the correct path.

its mind blowing, really. even admist all these examples of glowing success, american car makers stick to the tride and true method of yesterday, and then wonder why they keep coming up short in earnings and market share.

don't they know? imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.