i'll always believe what i can't forget 'cause all of their reasons keep changing, and i spend my life waiting for the next. i just keep moving on.

plus one: i got flowers with the cutest card and teddy bear from my parents and brother
minus one: said flowers contain a shitload of lillies, which i abhor. they're gorgeous, i whole heartedly admit that, but the smell of lillies reminds me of the hopsital. this dislike started during my three month sabbatical in the hospital and my subsequent visits for surgeries because everybody who sent/brought me flowers happened to pick bouquets with lillies, and lillies wreak to high fucking heaven. the absolute abomination took hold when i realized i would get sick to my stomach whenever i'd visit my mom after her double bypass, and upon telling her, she had all the flowers [coincidently, every bouquet had lillies] removed from her room and i started to feel better. lillies are the devil, and there they are sitting on my fucking counter. uch.
net for transaction: 0
total: 0

plus four: i think i may have actually found a permanent bartending job at this cute blues/jazz bar down the street that's also a greek restaurant.
minus two: whatever profit i made off bartending before is going to take a significant down-turn.
net for transaction: 2
total: 2

plus one: i got my accounting book that i had to yell at the publisher for, and spent two hundred bucks on..plus fifty for two days shipping.
minus three: bit late, seeing as i have an exam in accounting next tuesday, and seeing as i haven't had a book i haven't been doing the requisite problems...is it possible to teach yourself five chapters of accounting in a weekend? we shall find out.
net for transaction: (-)3
total: (-)1

plus two: i didn't die on my trek to and from albany like i had anticipated given the way my week has been. **
minus one: i still drove sixteen hours to spend a total of five hours in the office.
net for transaction: 1
total: 0

plus six: i'm on payroll, bitches!
minus three: i get double taxed because i live in ohio and work for a ny corporation...oh, and the government lost my tax return and is pretty much shirking their responsibility of issuing me a new one. it's fun yelling at the irs, really.
net for transaction: 3
total: 3

plus one: i got stronger pain meds. holla!
minus five: turns out i have a few cracked ribs on top of a few bruised ones. funtastic! i'll drink to that.
net for transaction: (-)4
total: (-)1

plus two: i had my first earth shattering awesome i'm-counting-the-minutes-until-i-get-to-do-that-again orgasm.
minus one: no guy was present, no guy was touching me, no guy was doing a fucking thing. it was me, and the yearly sex gift i always get from mike. well done on that gift mikey...well done indeed. now set a date for your goddamn wedding so i can finally tell your brother off, and wear the damn dress i bought specifically for your wedding.
net for transaction: 1
total: 0

plus one: i finally realized i have more than an ounce of self worth, and have finally taken to listening to my instincts in totality and not selectively like i used to. it's about time i told my dual nature to fuck off in matters concerning myself. regardless, it's funny how other people's name-calling can help you realize that attributes of those sobriquets are things you really need to incorporate into the self.
minus five: i'm going to be single for a really, really long time it seems. hopefully it's just a phase--this whole tired of being alone thing--but even if it's not, i have no real choice but to be in it for the long haul.
net for transaction: (-)4
total: (-)4

plus six: two people that i least expected asked me if i was okay in light of my rather calignous mood.
minus four: i lied to both of them. i said i was tired from my drive and drowsy from my allergy meds, but that i was just peachy fucking keen. what other options are there other than to be okay?
net for transaction: 2
total: (-)2

plus two: i'm a decent writer, i'm kind of smart, and i can bullshit my ass off
minus three: on account of my trek to albany, i missed class on wednesday night. accordingly, i didn't get the handout for the ten page paper that's due next wednesday [and for those playing at home, yes..that's the day after my accounting exam that i'm pretty fucked for]. hopefully he can send me an electronic copy...otherwise, dear god i might go ballistic on someone. seriously.
net for transaction: (-) 1
total: (-)3

plus five: this week is almost fucking over. thank g-d.
minus four: i'd trade wisdom back in for innocence to get away from simply getting by like i always seem to do. i just want someone to find me and help me to escape, but i know that's impossible if everytime i fall down i refuse to drag people down with me and just keep it all to myself.
net for transaction: 1
total: (-)2

nothing ventured nothing gained...seems so bathetic and poetic huh? too bad the proverb doesn't discuss venturing and coming out with a net loss.

**goofy, silly, sarcastic, funny elle will return sunday night..i hope you've enjoyed our guest writer e the lachrymose.