i sit here clutching useless lists and keys for doors that don't exist. show me what it means to be in this world, because i'm due for a miracle.

1. i got asked to be in a band!! i'm beyond stoked about this whole thing, or the possibility of it coming to fruition, yet, as always,there's a huge fucking "but" just taunting me. oh yes, they're a heavy metal/hardcore kind of band, and i? i am a female. i cannot yell like a heavy metal/hardcore front man should...however, thanks to my awesome allergies i sound like more of a dude than normal....uch, i don't know what to do...remind the guy i have ovaries and can sound exactly like tori amos, or just suck it up and toss my thrice cd into my car and get to yelling accordingly.

2. does this make sense to anyone? "if you're wondering why i haven't like made any moves on you, it's because i like you a lot and i don't want to hurt you. i don't want something to happen or whatever, and you get upset or hurt, and disappear." yea, not really making sense to me...at all....but it figures in light of me shedding my "impenetrable bitch" ways, i'd be greeted with something like this. bleh, whatever.

3. i poked..well, more like gouged my eye with my tweezers when i was plucking my eyebrows a few nights ago. hurt like a mother fucker...and trust me, i know pain in my eyes--i've been wearing contacts for a good 10 years. i went to bed with my eye throbbing with pain and tearing like a mother fucker (must be all that watermelon i ate..damnit!), but woke up to things being per usual. my eye is fine, i think..but i seriously think i fucked it up somehow because my vision just ain't the same. go me!

4. e needs to get the fuck out of ohio, if for only a weekend, and drowned in a sea of flowing alcohol. soon. like, really soon.

5. i asked the girl sitting next to me if i could see her notes from the class i missed. she's a super sweet girl, so of course she obliged...however, while reading her notes i noticed the word "profesy"...rather than "prophecy," and i'm wondering how anyone in a masters level class could really make that mistake? i also hereby decree that if i get anything less than an "a" in that class, any one of you has a free pass to hunt me down and kill me.

6. what i don't understand are receptionists at doctor's offices who seem to think they know more about your health insurance policy than you do. i argued with this lady for a good ten minutes concerning my doctors appointment and wanting to schedule it sooner than later, because she was convinced that my insurance wouldn't pay for my annual exam *cringes from the idea of that* unless i scheduled it exactly a year or more from the time i went in last year. ummm hello?! what part of bi-annual exams are you not understanding? do you think i just called in, choose a random day, and said "fuck it, if insurance doesn't pay i'll pick up the insanely huge charges?"....moreso, do you think this is the first time i've scheduled an appointment in the less-than-year time frame? and what part of "repeat-pap" are you just not understanding? even if its not allowed, is your salary based on whether patients pay? i think not, hose beast, so sit down, shut it, and give me my fucking appointment sooner.

7. honestly, who gives a shit about the fuckin brad pitt-angelina jolie spawn? its a fucking baby. babies are born every goddamn day....and their parents aren't abso-fuckin-lutely insane and don't subject them to god knows what viruses and bacteria that live in namibia, as well as subpar prenatal care and shitty medical facilities and professionals.

8. dear lynksis...how about you make your routers *not* pieces of shit? hmm? hmmmmm?!!

9. while listening to kissfm this morning, i heard them play "i write sins not tragedies," to which i was like "score!!" because i'm an avid fan of the awesome panic! at the disco....and then the dj came on and said something disgustingly horrid: "panic! at the disco are kind of like falloutboy light. yes, diet falloutboy." ummmm you've got to be fucking kidding me. fallout boy=emo punk pop. panic! at the disco=emo rock pop....huge difference! monumental difference!..okay, i'm just pissed because i'm not a fallout boy fan, and i adore panic! at the disco.

10. halle-fuckin-lujah! , now, if you don't mind...alcohol swab the shit out of my arm, and inject away. maybe that will put a funtastic end to my papsmear-inconclusive results-colposocpy/biopsy-inconclusive results-colposcopy/biopsy-negative results-repeat pap, rinse, lather repeat thing i've got going on every six months or so.