i'm a shell that's been forgotten with its memories and cryptic entries. my flaws are open season,but you don't need to bother and i don't need to be

the lovely sass and the sultry ms. emma have done this...and i'm in the mood for some bangwagon action. the ones in blue are the original, the ones in pink are ms. emma's additions, the ones in green are sass' additions, and i fucking suck, so what could i possibly add to the list?

enjoy.

I AM: plaintive

I SAID: nothing. i never do.

I WANT: my heart to stop sinking further and more reasons to smile and laugh. i'm running out.

I WISH: it would all go away.

I HATE: how i selectively listen to my own fucking intuition.

I MISS: being arrantly mirthful, but i fake it well.

I FEAR: the future.

I HEAR: a voice mirroring my appetent feeling that i've over-done my stay in cleveland

I WONDER: if dreams come true; if prayers work; if i'll ever be enough; why the mediocre are handed silver platters and the extraordinary are afflicted; what it all means; when i'll find what i'm looking for...

I REGRET: not allowing myself to ever have a true voice.

I AM NOT: antagonistic. i just like to test people before i decide where i stand and what course of action i'll take. if they can't take a little sarcasm and toying, why even bother?

I DANCE: when i clean my apartment.

I SING: all the fucking time. if there's music playing, i'm singing along--especially in the car.

I CRY: because it's the only way i know how to deal with this.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: agreeable and silly.

I MADE: nothing. i'm still sitting here with my lemons thinking of what to do. maybe i'll make a pie...

I WRITE: because it's the only voice i do have.

I CONFUSE: everyone. perk of talking fast and mumbling.

I NEED: to lose more weight...and get the fuck out of here.

I SHOULD: make a doctor's appointment. i just don't want to go through "it" again, so i haven't...yet.

I START: what i finish.

I FINISH: what i start.

*I BELIEVE: there's something more i'm supposed to be, i just can't find it

*I KNOW: that in twenty-three years, the only people i've managed to accumulate who truly care about me, are the ones god gave me as a family. how sad.

*I CAN: fold fitted sheets into a perfect square.

*I CAN'T: seem to let people in all the way, without kicking them out a few times.

*I SEE: disappointment staring back at me.

*I BLOG: way more than i should. way more.

*I READ: people very well, unless i'm dating them.

*I AM AROUSED BY: eyes that are so warm and full of compassion that you just seem to get lost everytime you look into them, and all you want to do is crawl into them and swim in the warmth. a nice back is always a plus.

*IT PISSES ME OFF: how absolutely selfish and self serving the majority of people are; when people assume shit on my behalf and never bother to ask me if that assumption is even correct.

*I FIND: that i'm not interesting or funny, or amusing, or insightful...people are just that fucking boring and sheep-like with their endeavors.

*I LIKE: the smell of fresh cut grass; making people happy; fitting in the mold that people have for me.

*I LOVE: my family, my pets, make-up, shoes, and the fact that things are in a perpetual state of change.

I UNDERSTAND: that things are never really what they seem. things are merely what you take them to be.

I FAIL TO UNDERSTAND: how readily people will say whatever it takes just so they can wake up in the morning and have a clear conscience. how their conscience can be clear, i have no idea...the premise of it's clarity is completely fabricated.

I NEVER: say anything my heart palpitates so loudly it deafens me on the inside.

I RARELY: sleep.

I OCCASIONALLY: allow myself to relax

I REGULARLY: yell at everyone on the road.

I OFTEN: forget to do things--like eat--because my mind is so stuck on something.

I ALWAYS: am changing.

I WITHOUT EXCEPTION: hate when people do things for me because they feel obligated.

I LAUGH: at everything. especially myself.

I ASK: myself why i never seem to be what they want...

I TRUST: very few people. trust is earned, not given blindly and then later revoked.

I AM SADDENED: by the world around me, and how unwilling people are to see the most simplistic beauty in everything mother nature has to offer.

I LISTEN: and do as i'm told. usually.

I WOULD: love to start all over again....or feel alive again.