stop making eyes at me, and i'll stop making eyes at you. what surprises me is that i don't really want you to. you're an explosion, you're dynamite.

fyi: this post is wortheless. i'm just bored

1. the song "twist" by goldfrapp makes me insanely horny. the first two beats just grip me by the loins and yank me into total sexual submission. is that normal? and before you think it's just that song..oh no..."got me singin' the blues" by tricky has the same effect. two beats in, you might as well just call me puddles. word.

2. nothing beats the awesome realization that...ta dow! i have finals in 2.5 weeks (excluding the reading period, which usually just turns into me catching up on sleep because i drank too much the night before..oops). that's right ladies and gentleman..it's that time again: between finishing my thesis v. 2.0--yes, that's right, i opted to write a second one because the stressful fun of the first one just left me wanting so much more--scrambling to finish my constitutional law outline before the month of may greets us, getting a decent head start on my agency law outline before i leave for ny next weekend, and teaching myself a semester's worth of commercial law (what? like i can pay attention at 8am? like i can pay attention to the same professor droning about the same subject for 2.5 hours?)...my posts may become more retarded, more pointless, sparse, or non-existent. i threatened this last semester, and didn't make with the sparesness or nonexistence--but i sure as fuck made with the uber pointless and retarded--so, yea..odds are i ain't goin nowhere (where you goin? no where!), but..just thought i'd give a wee little heads up to the potential of it.

3. i turn 24 in a little tiny bit over a month. good god, that's scary.

4. i think it's funny that the only guy i considered very attractive in my class last year, is the same guy that i talk to this year and think absolutely nothing of....other than the fact he's a cool guy, and should really reconsider the cream sweater he wears a lot. seriously. you're a redhead dude, and you're pasty white...just not a good idea to bust out the cream colored thick wool sweater. stick with white, works way better for you.

5. anyone else think that those people who subsrcribe to the "religion" of scientology should be deported? i mean at the very minimum they should subject them to human testing. they're like a goldmine waiting to happen for pharmaceutical companies and experimental drugs all around the world. they're not really people anyway, so what's the harm?!

6. i'm counting on you people to pray for me. why? because i'm seeing my parents next friday...and the make-up that i use to cover up my tattoo's is a wee bit darker than my current skin tone (go figure, i live my life in a fucking library), which means that if you look close enough (which my momma will), you can tell there's make-up there, and you can also tell what it's covering. so, in the event that my sitting in a cancer chaber for 10 minutes sometime next week is a no-go...i'm going to need your prayers to ensure i make it out of that house alive.

7. it never ceases to amaze me that i can look into both of my walk in closets, which are full, and think to myself "i have got nothing to fucking wear", and not really contest the logic of that statement. at all.

8. honestly? why am i so fucking scared of openining myself up to people? logically, i know no real harm can come out of it that i haven't dealth with before, or that i don't deal with already. so what the fuck is my deal?

9. question for the people who place a towel over the display on the treadmill so they can't see how far they've run: are you and that guy at the free weights who's actually wearing a bandanna in some sort of contest to see who most resembles a jackass?

10. i think my brain gets locked into the order i hear songs in, especially on cd's i burnt long before i even got an ipod. wherever i am, if i hear "desperately wanting" by better than ezra, i automatically expect to hear "perfect drug" by nin come on immediately afterward. it's not even an expectation, it's to the point where the first few chords play in my head, and i start singing...and totally disregarding the fact that "perfect drug" isn't playing

11. some things that irk, annoy, and just piss me the fuck off in general (in most cases): people who were born in this country; yet pronounce words sembling the language of their heritage with a slight accent. it doesn't make you look cultured, it makes you look like a pompous prick; people who always call me from a blocked number and wonder why i don't fucking pick up every single time (which is motly because my parents numbers are restricted..and i ain't no dumb ho); anyone who comes within 50 fucking yards of me with a lit cigarrette in one hand and an alcoholic beverage in the other hand all while in a bar; people who announce that "this" is the part of the movie they always cry during, and then proceed to cry. you know it's coming...shouldn't you not be in tears?; people who announce "this part is hilarious" while watching a movie....by you saying that, it just got that much less funny; people who insist that just because we're eating chinese food, it has to be family style; people who want to work out, hardcore style, while on vacation--relax a little, asshole!; the guy with the 1998 black honda accord in the tiny parking spot next to mine who hasn't moved his car in, i shit you not, three months; people who's profile picture on myspace is an inanimate object, a landscape, or some part of their body; anyone who watches, tapes, supports, discusses, follows, votes for, or otherwise enjoys american idol--i'm tired of hearing about it. three seasons was enough...shut up already!

12. my friend--from nyc, nonetheless--keeps insisting that we need to go camping. i keep informing him that camping just ain't my thang. his comeback? "well how do you know, you've never done it, have you?"....no, i haven't..but i've been outside for a few hours at a time..and ya know what? i think i get the gist of it.

13. i hate going to a restuarant for the first time, and the waitor asks if i've ever eaten there before. if you answer truthfully, then you'll be subjected to this ten-minute instructional lecture on the intricate aspects of their cuisine and house specialities. listen asshole..if you're menu is so fucking complicated that my twenty-three years on earth haven't prepared me for what you got, that's some weird-ass food you're seving..and i should just be on my merry little way.

14. me: so how was dinner? e: well, she asked the waiter if we could have another minute, that about sums it up. me: huh? e: c'mon e, you know what it means when a girl tells the waiter they need another minute to decide on what they want. me: yea, it means they aren't sure what to get and need another minute to decide between the uber girly salad that they'll pick at, or the actual half rack of baby back ribs they want, and will still pick at. e: have we taught you nothing?! me: fine, what does it mean? enlighten me fucker. e: it means i'm not getting laid. THAT! is what it means. me: wasn't this the second time you've gone out with her? e: yea, and probably the last time. me: and you wonder why i have so little faith in man-manity...oh! the click of another call, is it jake? e: no it's her. hey, let me call you back. ....yea, they all talk such a big game, huh? but is that true? the theory of "can we have another minute" ?

15. don't you love how when you have a detailed list of shit you have to do each day, and specific time slots for it....it's so much easier to just sit here and blog rather than do the scheduled "reiteration of substantive due process strict scrutiny verse equal protection clause strict scrutiny and concurrent modern case law" i have slotted for right now?

16. i need a weekend away from here...just so i can forget who i am for two days and remember that i can be fun.

17. yesterday, while i was sitting in my cubicle in the library, the guy positioned a row away from me was having a serious all-out battle with his wife/significant other on the phone. it was fucking hilarious to hear a grown man of at least twenty five scream: "yea? well at least i can remember to change the toilet paper!" while sitting in the basement of the law library.

18. how's this for weird: columbia pictures is going to be coming to cleveland and filming scenes for spiderman 3. this all starts tomorrow. where are they filming? right on my street. lets just hope it's not as disrputive and annoying as it is when they film in nyc!

19. i don't understand why..but someone told me something this week, and for the life of me i can't let go of it. it just kind of grates on my nerves...and just when i think i'm mildly over it, they talk to me...and there it is again, in the forefront of my mind. what the shit is up with that? maybe i'm just scared they're right.

20. is there anything worse than not remembering if you put deoderant on in the morning...but the thought doesn't strike you until you're far far from your home, and can't access the stuff for a good-measure apply...nope..it pops in your head about five hours into your work day...and then you just kind of keep sniffing and being paranoid that you fuckin reek. it's good times!