help me tear down my reason, help me its' your sex i can smell, help me...you make me perfect, help me become somebody else..

so...

as most of you know there aren't many pics to be had on account of naked people being abso-fuckin-lutely everywhere in the resort, and you can't take pics of nude people....so outside of our room, and the dining hall...couldn't really do many pics...at all.

but before we get into all that...lets go into, in total brevity, the hightlights of the trip (outside of the explained sex shit below)

1. wave running for an hour, minus the dude's dying, cause that was bomb ass..and i fuckin hauled ass on that thing!
2. being called a "naughty girl", a "bad girl", or a "dirty girl" each night at the resort by someone different than the night before. am i that big of a perv? seemingly so!
3. the fuckin waterslide!! i think i went on that thing 100 times during the week..and it was just super fun!
4. the jamaican men who would just flat out ask "ey gurrrl! you wanna fuck?!"
5. perhaps it was just me, but we met this guy mike from denver..and that boy cracked me the fuck up...so..that was a nice perk
6. meeting a rather cool guy, and talking to him all night. yes, i'm a total lame ass and opted to talk to the guy while we sat in the room hottub..but hey, he was in my boat and wasn't into random hook-ups..so it worked out well.
7. pirate night. okay...what the fuck was up with that? what about pirates is sexy? and who the fuck has pirate gear just laying around? i understood the rest of the theme nights..but that one just evaded me....
8. the beef at the hibatchi restaurant. holy fuckbeans, it just melted in your mouth!
9. they had these incredible rolls at lunch. seriously, i miss those rolls. otherwise the food kinda sucked
10. i got like a shade and a half darker. that's impressive, seeing as last year i stayed the exact same fucking color. so props to the dude for not burning like kindlings the first day..my tan thanks you :)

anyway! time to go through all the highlights of sex acts i saw during my 6 days in nudist paradise, shall we?

1. on our second day at the lovely hedonism II, while sitting on a little cabana area (which made me think of my awesome cabana boy wes..figures haha) just chilling and shooting the proverbial shit, the dude draws my attention with the awesome words "dude! there's head going on over there"..to which i immediatly turned my head, and there was this woman going to town on this guys shlong! that then turned into girl on top of guy dry humping of sorts, and that turned into full on sex...but not just any sex....missionary sex. and ya know what? that kinda pissed me (us) off. if you're going to be an exhibitionist, fucking be an exhibitionist and go all out on the public humping! bust out some doggystyle at the minimum! either way, the sex was boring: neither of them made any sounds, and the guy still had his jeans and shirt on while the chick still had her top and skirt on...LAME....but, fuckin awesome to sit back and comment on.

2. while the humping in the cabana due north of us ensued, there was also some humping going on in the hammocks to our right. now, i never thought sex in a hammock would be a good idea on account of the high fall-out-of-hammock potential and watching this couple attempt to do the deed in it kind of affirmed my notion that sex in a hammock is just not plausible unless you're perpendicular to it, and the guy is standing. regardless, this select couple started off facing each other in the hammock..and the guy started with a lil finger banging action...which led to the chick basically climbing up on top of him and trying to ride his face. trying is the crucial word in that sentence because these two idiots are on a fucking hammock..so...ya know, kind of makes it hard to go to town when both parties are trying insanely hard not to fall the fuck over. so fine, they gave up on that..the chick laid back down..and the guy proceeded to dine from the very comfortable (read: i still don't get how he did that for 15 minutes) angle of bending at his midsection to access her pootie...which i'm assuming got really uncomfortable for him, so she opted to jump on his dick, and ride him. now, i was impressed with her vigilance and determination in her riding..however, once again..you're on a hammock..and it swings on it's own from left to right..and adding the counter movement of back and forth to the left and right is just a recipe for disasterous fucking..which the couple found out. the weirdest part about their boning experience? their friends were on the hammock next to them just watching....i found that odd.

3. just about everyday at that resort you'd see someone going to town on the downtown area. the award for best head goes to the staff member who was getting blown at around 3am on the nude beach by a 45 year old woman...why was it absolutely fantastic? he was basically shoving her head on his cock the entire time...and she was practically gagging everytime...and that's just pure entertainment in my sick mind. the award for best pussy eating goes to the table of six guys that basically passed around a woman--who might as well have been on a lazy susan--and each took turns eating her out. however, all these guys were upstaged by the random woman who showed up at the table and took a final turn on her and got her to actually make some noise...maybe women do do it better?!

4. for those who don't know anything about hedonism II, there is a nude side and a prude side--nude side is obviously all nude, and prude side is clothing optional. the whole resort is pretty much nude, for the most part, with the exception of a few clothed people running around (ie. the dude and i for most of it); however, the real party is at the nude hot tub after 1am. it's pretty much one big orgy/fuck fest....and yet, at the same time, a lot of people just sit around and talk. (seriously, there is nothing more weird than watching a group of about 5 naked guys just sitting around talking...no idea why). so anyway, pretty much anywhere you looked while sitting in the nude tub (and yes, the dude and i got nekkid for the tub) you'd see some kind of oral sex going on, or some kind of fucking going on; however, the best display of boning that we witnessed while in that HUGE hot tub were the couples who took it to the pool deck. oh yes, the girls jumped on out, spread their legs, and the guys went to town on their cooters..and then? the girls flipped on over and it was a doggystyle extravaganza....and then the girls flipped again..and the guys switched chicks..and it went back to the eating out, and then back to some sex, and then back to eating, and then back to sex..it was like a marathon with screaming, grunting, moaning and yelling. it was gloriously pulled off....and why did they put on this show? to make the dude and i blush..because it was so blatantly obvious that we were new to the nudist scene. that's love baby! even if we were totally unphased by the experience.

so yea...time for the boring pictures..click on them if you feel the need to make them larger.



that'd be our beach...our room walked right out on to it, and of course, that would be our own private hot tub. you're jealous..i know you are....and you should be, because it was brilliant! what kind of sucked is that people would just use us to get to our tub, which i couldn't care less about seeing as it's really not my tub...but c'mon, at least say hi to us the next day, ya know? the worst was some douchebag who knocked on our door for about an hour while we were sleeping (i think the only night we went to bed before 5am), and wouldn't stop until the dude got up, opened the slide door and pretty much screamed "what do you want?!"...to which the douchebag said "to use your hot tub". fuckin idiot...it's outside, just use it..and we wouldn't have even known nor cared.



there were actually mirrors above the beds...and the dude and i had a party with them and the whole dance party 2006 thang where we'd just shake our asses to the music that played in our room for a half hour every night after dinner. figures we'd dance in our room and nowhere else, huh? and that'd be the lil pipe i bought in the gift shop so that i could toke happily...notice how tiny it is...or notice how giant my boobs are..either way, it's cute eh?!!



purdy sunset!



the dude et moi in the dinner hall..about the only place people were "dressed"...and by dressed i mean wearing mesh see through shit over their naked selves. saw some funky ass outfits up in there. there was a couple--a doctor and a nurse--who would get dressed up in this intriciate (and outlandish) outfits EVERYNIGHT...they rented a room for themselves, and a seperate one for all their clothes. funniest tid bit about this couple was the fact that they could only get in the mood for sex when they were in public and around a lot of people. apparently they put on one hell of a sex show, but we weren't fortunate enough to find out.

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overall it was a fairly fun trip...met some interesting people, and most people were fairly nice about things and were more than accomodating to the fact that the dude and i were new to the whole nekkid shwang. would i go back? probably--but mostly because the bar was well stocked with alcohol (how many all inclusive resorts let you choose call brands?!), and as far as activities included, the resort boasts the most.

won't know where i'm headed next year 'til october though...but as always..y'all are invited :)