i'm a wee bit perplexed by things sometimes..alright, FINE! most of the time....but y'all know that....however, my mom's comment to me yesterday just shocked the proverbial shit out of me.
she said, and i quote: "do you have a new boyfriend again? i don't mind you doing what you're doing, but be careful. the more sex partners you have the more you're at risk to getting cervical cancer. be careful elka! have fun, but just keep that in mind."
now, aside from the obvious mistake of assuming that i have had anything sembling a boyfriend since i broke up with the asshole-with-the-douchebag-most before i left california, this shocks me for a few reasons.
no! it has nothing to do with the fact that my mom condones me having sex. she knows what goes on, and my parents have never been the type of parents to just flat out play naive. while my dad dawns blinders and ear muffs concerning my own sexual..uhh..exploits for sanity purposes, my mom was the one who looked at me when i walked in the house after my first quarter at undergrad, smiled and said "you slut! how was it? was it good? did it hurt?" so yea, not so shocking that my mom would give me carte blanche to fuck around. (albeit she was off by a good 2 years on me losing my virginity...oops)
what shocks me is that she thinks i do! anyone who knows me knows that i'm a total prude!
i'm not a prude in that i don't put out. i put out something feirce y'all!
but i'm a prude in the sense that i won't just go out and have sex for the sake of having sex. i won't have sex with someone unless i a-like them; b-have seen them a few times and i'm fairly sure i'll see them again; c-LIKE THEM. and me finding a guy i like enough to see again, let alone to see again enough times to warrant my boning him..is, well, lets just say in the two years i've lived in ohio..it's happened twice.
TWICE!
and why do i have these little criteria? well....because that's how my parents raised me! so, hence..i am shocked that my mom would even think i'd have the lack of moral standards to go fuck every guy i hang out with...
granted..she does know i was a wee bit of a druggy in high school...and she knows that i was a drunk for most of high school...and she also is well aware that i'm a bit of a party girl.....hmmmm
but STILL!!
the other reason it shocks me is because i really don't tell my parents anything about my life in the dating department. why? simple...it makes life easier...not to mention my parents really dont' give a shit about who i date, unless it becomes something serious..and by serious, they mean i have a cute 2 karat ring on my left ring finger...so...i say nothing.
so all the countless (and pointless) dates i go on weekend after weekend, week after week..and all the guys i meet that are cool and awesome that i never talk to again? yea, my mom is totally in the dark about. as far as she knows, i just spend way to much time at bars (and i do..but, that's because i'm working..which she also doesn't know about..shhh)..
so where is my mom getting this strange idea that i'm going out with all these guys and just fucking every single one of them?!!
MA! WHAT THE SHIZ, WOMAN?!!
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16 comments:
Fishing, maybe? She could be worried about her little girl.
Or maybe wanting to live vicariously a lil' bit...
oy vey!!
umm ... "cute 2 karat?" damn ... that's way out of my spending power
whatever happened to "every kiss begins with Kaye (and their diamelle collection?)" ... LOL
still ... your mom sounds trés cool, even if she thinks you're whoring about LOL
So...we're sisters separated at birth? My mom thought I was, as she says, "riding the bologna pony" at thirteen. I was a good girl and held out a few more years. But like you, I actually want sex to be--dare I say it--meaningful, and with a, *gasp* monogomous partner! I suppose that is why my love life is null and void. Grrr.
Wow! You are F'd up woman!
You know, I used to want to "like" or "respect" or "stand to be around" the women I had sex with, but at this point, just don't give me the cock dribbles, babe, and we'll be fine.
fo shizzle.
Matt: ewww! no! that's my mom! no vicarious sex life..no sex life period! i already know what she and my dad do *starts dry heaving*
Will: back of my momma! she is cute though :) minus the whole "my daughters a whore, and i'm strangely fine with that" opinion. grrrrrr!!
D: my aprents are pretty shweet, i have to admit. i just don't understand where she would get the idea that i sleep around. i mean, when i say i'm going to a friends house to watch the game/movie/play videogames..I AM! and right now, that makes me sad..hmmm haha
Hootah: perhaps our moms are from the same mold. yea. i prefer monogomy..and ummmm yea, someone i like..not that sex is this huge deal, because in my opinion it really isn't..but, at the same time..there's just to many risk factors associated wtih it to just go around and have sex with every guy who interests me at some small level.
Tombotts: no shit! thanks for stating the insanely obvious.
YourNameHere: woah..respect? who said anything about that? if you're doing me, i lost all respect for you to begin with. i mean have some standards!
Shane: good morning :)
Mom's preparing herself for the extreme and when it doesn't happen she can be easily adjusted. That's my guess anyway...
My ex, way before we got married, her mom swore up & down that we were having sex. She would not believe that we weren't. It wasn't my choice to wait but we did. Funny too because now my ex is all "I should have said yes. Then I would've known wether or not to marry you." To that I said, "Bullshit. All that would have happened is you would have realized that your frigid ass would have hated sex 3 years earlier than you did. And by the way, do you remember why you married me? Because I said YES."
I recommend leaving the black pit of hell that is Ohio if you want to find a guy worth jumping.
I'm jaded though. Being from Michigan, I have an instinctive hatred for all things Ohio... except Cedar Point.
Hubris
Awwwwww. Moms.
*sigh*
Jesus, they just about make you wanna go "UH!"
Well, are sexual views are a little different, but only a tad. I too need to actually know and like somebody before I sleep with them, which is why sure... we swing (hub and I), but it's a small circle of friends that we know very well. And approve of.
LUVUMS BUTTAH!
Hubris: no, my mom doesn't prep for the insane...she takes things as they come...and i'm going to have to agree with you on the ohio boy thing...two more years here. *sigh* two more fucking years
Em: moms are nuts. guess it's only a matter of time before i pop out some kids and go absolutely insane as well :)
Murph: what the shit?! what's wrong with my eye makeup?! and you honestly think my mom knows i have my clit peirced? RIIIIIGHT. even my gyno has no clue!!
You mean you haven't told your mom about us yet!?! Does that night that we spent making love (or something) next to the dumpster in the alley behind 7-11 mean nothing to you!?! I was nothing if not a gentleman...
Anyway - great post. It does actually creep me out a little that you and your mother are close enough to have conversations of this nature. Around my parents, the physical act of love is still referred to as 'baking cookies'.
Well, first...BRAVO for your parents that they are so open-minded. My parents are the same way. Almost down to a T...my dad is not one to ask about the exploits but he will sometimes run commentary on certain things. But my mum is very much like yours. She wouldn't nevessarily ask how it was but she often says things like "I don't get parents who judge their grown sons and daughters on who they have sex with... I say...fuck whomever you want as long as you are happy about it and are careful... other than that, I just want you to be a good person."
But I think they just cover their bases. They know you are single and very attractive. I think she might be just trying to give you a piece of advice...maybe fishing...but she rocks :)
-N
when i told my mom i lost my virginity she informed me that she had thought i did it years ago and that i was uh... casual.
don't know why they think the worst but they do. think it's built in.
hubris: she really said that? now i legitimately want to hit her.
My parents told me they found me under a cabbage leaf. :(
Hubris-
I'm with Sass...I don't know your ex-wife but I think I would want to hit her too :)
-N
Timmy: they know all about you, no worries. it creeps a lot of people out how close my family is, in general. my mom's very spiritual, and very attune to things...she just always seems to know things. it's strange
Jay: errr, uhhhh....ee gads no! she'd just get on my ass for being fat again!
Nat: think she was fishing? all i said was i was going to a friends house to watch movies..and tadow..she launched off on this whole "too many partners aren't bad bad, but, they can cause problems" tirade. my mom's in the dark with regard to how many people i've slept with..and i'm fairly sure that this whole slut thing aside, her number is way higher than what it is! odd!!
Sass: maybe they think the worst because they just carry over what they went through at our age and just assume that with the change in times and with how loose things have gotten, it's just bound to happen? hmmmm
Trix: no no, my parents had no qualms with telling me about sex when i was like 10. our family is very open...parents and brothers sex life included. mines excluded so that my brother doesn't go kill random guys i know, and so my dad doesn't just go insane.
Murphy: take the lint out of it, that's sick.
Joe: you're my snack pack darlin, you know that.
Matt: my dad knows the exact day i was conceived..and exactly how drunk my mom was that night hehe :)
Hubris: kick her int he shins!!
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