it's a metaphore for a missing moment and i don't want to feel this overwhelming hostility...so just give me one more medicated peaceful moment...

i was tagged by the lovely emma to do the eight-things-the-perfect-guy requires thingy.....

so, in no real particular order (other than the fact that 1 will make or break you in my opinion)...eight things my perfect guy would embody.......

and i apologize now if it's stupid and/or makes no sense....i'm of the mindset that expectation is the mother of all let-downs...so i go into things expecting nothing. i also have no clue what i want in a partner....other than the fact i want a partner. i don't want a pedastal (all the time), i dont' want to be doted on (all the time) ..i want someone to be my partner and keep me in check on things..blah blah blah blah.....

but these things seem to be resoundingly obvious from my personality and overall laid-backness....

1. sense of humor: i may not be that funny..but i am one sarcastically biting bitch. part of the fun of being with someone, in my opinion, is having a built in person to joke around with, be a dork with, be a goofball with , and be mean to. not mean, mean...but someone i can joke around with and make fun of about the little things. i NEED someone who does the same in return. i need someone that will laugh at me and give me shit about stupid petty things like the fact i sleep with a stuffed animal, or i am a blanket hog, or i have a booger hanging out of my shnoz....i need it because without it? i feel like a total bitch for doing it to them...reciprocity is the spice of life......


2. immaturity: in adjunct to the above...he needs to just not take things seriously...because i never do. there is a time and a place for acting all grown up and saying the right thing, and only talking when being spoken to...etc....and outside of those times? fuck it. bring on the immaturity. bring on the silly shit...like burping contests, play fighting, and retarded conversations about.....whether or not voltron could even touch the GI joe brigade. come over and play with lego's, or play video games with me, take me out to dinner and play on the children's menu (yes, i get children's menu's..because ya know what? it's fun!) with me...i NEED someone who will be a total dumbass with me and have stupid bike races down the aisles of toys'r'us...or get into a nerf gun fight with me in the middle of wallgreens. i am a goofball...i appreciate goofball men.

3. familial closeness: this may seem strange, but anyone who knows me will totally understand what i'm talking about. i have one of those families.......we're all extremely close, talk daily-if not mulitple times per day-and we are the built in support system for each and every single member. that's how it is, and i'm not going to lie and say it's not the most annoying fucking bullshit sometimes, but...i wouldn't really have it any other way. that said? he needs to understand that family, to me, will always come first....and that until there are nuptials stated, he is always, ALWAYS, going to be trumped by my family. (granted, i haven't lived close to them for a while...but regardless, they visit and you're a part of my life? guess who's getting dragged!) that said, if he is close with his family it makes the whole situation easier. it also says a lot about the way he was raised. that old addage "a boy who treats his mother well is a good man, a boy who treats his mother and sister like a queen is a great man"? yea..i wholeheartedly belive it is true. your family life and how you interact with your family says a shitload about you....and if he has good relations with them? well, he just got a little more worthwhile in my book.

4. masculinity: this one is also seemingly strange, but let me explain. i don't know what the fuck is up with men these days..but they've gone absolutely homosexual on all fronts. blame it on the metrosexual revolution, blame it on the fact it's more acceptable for men to be touchy-feel-emotionally-charged individuals..i don't give a fuck. i hate it. i don't need a guy with the emotional baggage of a woman....i understand shit happens in the past, i understand guys want to feel secure in the relationship too, i even understand that sometimes everyone has an off day and just needs an extra bit of love as a pick-me-up....but that's the exception to the rule. i don't want you asking me all the fucking time if i like you, or if i'm glad you're there.....i don't want you begging me to kiss you at the most random, inopportune times....i don't want you to be understanding and caring about my needs all the time....i don't need you to spend more time getting ready than i take...and i certainly don't need you walking around in clothes that make almost every homosexual man's gaydar go off. you. are. a. guy. be the chauvenist you're supposed to be! wear mismatching socks and a baseball cap....tell me to shut up when i bitch too much, be unsympathetic to my gripes if they're petty, be emotionally closed off outside of those times when it matters. you're a guy! be one!

5. remember things: even though i am all about giving guys the green light to just be themselves and not really go out of their way to dote on me and shit...there's always the caveat that you should remember things. i'm not talking anniversaries, or birthday's, or valentine's day....those are just fatal flaws if you can't....i'm talking the little things. remember that i have a test coming up and wish me luck; remember that when i was 6 i beat the shit out of my friend eugene and knocked out his teeth; remember that i like two cubes of ice in my knob creek; remember that i love petit sirah's and not merlot; remember that i love key lime cheesecake; remember that my favorite flowers are tulips and i fucking HATE daisy's...stupid shit like that. i know i expect nothing from men at this point in my life--thank my glowing track record--but if you can remember things that aren't beaten over your head with a giant red flag of "remember this, asshole"...i'm going to just be enamored with you that much more.

6. the little things: i'm a romantic sap (yea, i know..hard to believe..but i don't do it with a disgusting sappiness, i do it with an ounce of sarcasm and humor..so i hide it well)....that being said....don't worry about planning out big things. i'll make a huge day out of valentine's day and plan the whole fucking thing....i'll plan our anniversaries and everything too..so honestly? don't worry your hot little head over it.....but do the little things. ex: if you take my dog out for me before i wake up? holy shit...that's awesome. if you buy me the newest eeyore of the season because you were at the mall (don't go out of your way to get to the mall..that ain't coo)...oh my god, i'm in love. if you're grocery shopping and see peanut butter cups and buy them for me? i'll bitch and moan that i'm fat and shouldn't eat them..but good god, you just scored so many blow job points in my head.

7. understand: that there is you time, and me time--go out with your friends one night..i'll go out with mine; that everything i say isn't always what i mean (this usually comes into play when it's something along the lines of 'oh well if you want to go out with her tonight, i understand..i'll do something else"..i'm cool but i ain't that cool...unless it's like..your sister....it's not hard to pick up on these "i'm saying it so you have options and i'm not a total bitch and saying "no" right-off-the-bat" moments); that pms-while most often used as an excuse to be moody and bitchy-does come with it's side effects...be sympathetic to that, at least sometimes. in general.......just be understanding of the cracked-out-womanly shit i'm going to throw at you sometimes...be hip to it.....dismiss it with a head shake and a laugh.....grudgingly go along with it....whatever...just realize i'm making a huge deal out of nothing because i care about you, or that i want some alone time so i can cherish you a bit more the next day, or even that i'm not lying when i say i have a headache.....

8. try: i know no one is perfect....i especially know that two people will never fit together perfectly....so, it's cool if we argue, it's cool that you fuck up, it's cool that you forget things, and it's even cool if you find me annoying sometimes....but try. woman don't have this almighty knack for remembering everything, and being tolerant of you when you're in a shitty mood etc...but we put the effort into it to make it through....and that's kind of all i'm asking for....a little effort to see that things stay the course. forget it's my birthday 'til it's too late? that's fine...order a pizza and light some candles on the table....i'll understand and appreciate that you at least tried. not want to deal with me at that moment? that's fine, be honest about it and i'll shut up and leave you be for a while. absolutely pissed off that i dragged you into the manolo blahnik store and we've been there for an hour and you're hungry? yea, it sucks..i know...but don't think i'm not recognizing the fact you're sitting there while i orgasm over shoes. its all about give and take....and a little effort goes a long long way, especially in my book.

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in other news... anyone want to start a league?