everyone needs sombody...everyone needs to find someone who cares...but i don't know if you know what i mean...'cause i'm never on your list......

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dear law school:

you win. seriously. i give up and succumb, oh-humble trainer of the almighty soul-les asshole, to your awesomeness. i will not longer asipire...because aspiration only leads me to what? a fucking "b+".....and working your ass off and aspiring to just be "good," is SO not how this little game of school works. so.....fuck it. i get it. lesson learned, even though it took a year and a half. i can work my ass off, study, pay(more) attention than normal.....and get? a "b+"....OR, i can do nothing all semester, like i did this time around, crank out outlines two weeks before the finals, cram for finals the night before...and get? a "b+". yup. i now realize that i will never get a fucking "a" (and an "a-" is not an "a"...in my mind..and i've only gotten two of those in my law school career)..and, as such...i will stop trying altogether to get that allusive "a".

suck a fat one, and rot in hell!
-E

dear aim:

you aren't google. so stop. take off that gay e-mail option off of aim...and give up.

mwahzies!
fulablahnikluv


dear water proof mascara:

now....when i signed onto this whole "water proof mascara" thing, i was hoping that it really just meant i needed soap and water..a little rub-rub-rub..and poof! no more mascara. i had no idea i was getting myself into needing turpentine to get you the fuck off my eyelashes...because, no matter how much i rub, scrub, lather up, repeat.....whenever i get out of the shower...wipe my face with a towel (and RUB my eyes with the towel), and do the eye-make up remover thang..i never get a q-tipp to not turn a little black...unless i forgo mascara for a few days. now.....i try the non-water proof mascara..but the shit really runs and flakes......and i refuse to spend an ass-ton of money on mascara and go designer with it....(although...lancome makes awesome mascara y'all)....what's a girl to do? with make-up products as addictive as heroin...what alternatives do i have? runny, flakey, nasty mascara that comes off with a few tears from a yawn? or black glue that will NEVER leave my goddamn eyelashes unless i put some serious time and effort into the endeavor?

kiss my parsnips you corporate powerhouses that prey on my addiction and vanity!
-da butt--ahhhh

dear neighbor:


dude! the windows aren't opaque...i can see you...if you can see me. i don't care if you're looking into my window...really....although, after noticing you looking at my window, i don't walk around topless in that area of the apartment anymore..and i'm sure that makes you a little sad. but seriously! stop being so blatant about it..and then hiding when i walk up to my window.

i've got my eyes on you 212.....
-apt 306

dear sofie fullalove:

(for those playing at home, yes..sofie is my dog). look , i understand that you got the raw end of the deal. i get to go to the bathroom in the apartment....lulu gets to go to the bathroom in the apartment..and you? you have to go outside. not fun, i know...but blame that on your species, not me. i also understand that holding "it" all night is a bit....unfair...and i try to be nice and accomodating by taking you out right before i go to sleep, and first thing when i wake up....(seriously...i roll out of bed, and grab the leash and take her out before i even go pee myself)...so, please...take this with that aforementioned grain of understanding on my part: BACK OFF THE FUCKING BED ON THE WEEKENDS!! i understand, like clockwork, i wake up and take you out at 7:30 monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, and friday...but on saturday and sunday? i say nay nay! so stop staring at the clock, and jumping on my bed exactly at 7:25..and every 15 minutes after that until i get up and take you out. you went out at 5am/6am when i got home....and, unless your ass is about to explode (which is never because you're on meds for that)...you're fine!! go back to sleep!!

kisses! and much love to your doggy-style!
--momma

dear asshole in the car in front of me who would not let me pass him on any side, and who wouldn't speed up at all..unless it was to prevent me from passing him and thus i had to get right back behind him....and was about yay close to me getting out of my car, opening his car door and dragging him out of his car to beat the fucking shit out of him:


this should about cover it:



i hope that phone gives you cancer, dumbass
-the girl in the civic who was flailing and screaming while stuck behind you