Friday, August 12, 2005

you make me wanna shooooop!

moment of nostalgia: dude remember when we went to venice beach, and the guy gave us free pipes? *tear!*

so i went out with this guy tonight. wasn't so much a date, wasn't so much a meeting....was more of a "hi, i'm me, you're you...lets see how we mesh" type of thing...which i'm rather fine with. strangely enough--i had fun. strangely enough, i felt very comfortable around this guy i've never really met before. strangely enough--he thinks the same way i do about a lot of things. case in point: people are assholes. for some reason, it was comforting to hear someone say that...that doesn't know me and i don't know.

anyway!

i've been one sex craved little bitch lately. seriously. remember way back when...when murph said he has been horny for a whole week? woot....my turn. and it blows. not so much cause it's something i can't handle....cause i can (tee hee!)....but because as i was talking to my awesome friend nick about things with his fiance....the topic of my own sexual encounters of the past came up. the consensus: they all have sucked. in particular, the last guy was abso-fuckin-lutely horrible. HORRIBLE! i'm talking horrible to the point of me laying there going "i've gone a year and a half sans sex with a guy..and that's what i was putting on a pedstal? fuck this, i can do it better myself." now, i've talked to a lot of guys about this..and by this..i mean the assumption that a lot of guys seem to think they are good in bed, and that just cause a girl moaned they got her to cum like no other.....and every guy i've talked to has said that they never make that assumption. instead, they just hope they make it a plee-ayyy-surable experience for the woman.

then they go on and on about how a girl should tell the guy that it's not working, or that it didnt happen. my response? they can ask me if it was good or not...cause if they honestly cared, they would want to know and not just assume that my making a sound meant they have attained golden penis status. and no, i'm not talking two years into a relationship when you just know...i'm talking in the beggining. it's my opinion that not asking is a sign of a guy just being concerned with getting his, and that's it. it doesn't even have to be "hey, did you cum"...it can be "so what do you like" or a "do you like this"...but alas.....that's expecting to much... i assume....at least from the cock crunchers i seem to date.

but anyway....is my opinion wrong? or should a girl always take charge of her sexual destiny and just leave nothing to the imagination of the guy?

88 comments:

tiffkindred said...

Your opinion isn't wrong at all.. I think if he starts out all in his own little zone, you should take control..Leave a bit to the imagination and maybe when he is doing something right, praise him for it! Some people just need to be instructed! I am glad you had a fun night with an interesting newbie. Good luck..Ox...t

DZER said...

hmm ... so I"m the only one who's going:

"oh, you like that, my little slut, don'tcha?"

"what? you don't? ok ... how about this? cool."

"oh yeah, you like that, my little slut, don'tcha?"

Daniel said...

What about women assuming that men always enjoyed it? Isn't there the same assumption when the girl doesn't ask if he enjoyed it? I think the reverse is also true: women too assume they are great in bed.

white_devil said...

men..dont always enjoy it..sometimes you need to tie a 2x4 to your waiste so you dont fall in..but I guess thats only when you take one for the team...

white_devil said...

ahh..hahahahahaha...cock blocking..10 yard penalty..

Yea..slumpbuster...the lights are dark and shes fat...set the mood for a lot of loving.

Johnny said...

im shopping tonight.

then sushi therapy.

oh my.

da buttah said...

hmmm...

i do wear handlebars occasionally....but..not in public....

hah!

white_devil said...

drinks @ 5pm...holla.

da buttah said...

holla devil. drunk night tonight. WOO!

white_devil said...

yes yes...whats new..the week of festival de devil is closing soon..need to end with a BANG.

da buttah said...

bang as in "who's your daddy..oh take that cock"

or bang as in "oh my god man, i'm never drinking again...least not till 5 tonight man...least"

da buttah said...

hey both would rock murph.


I'll try Allison..but i do live in cleveland...gotta excitement-it-down A LOT!

white_devil said...

I'll take door #1 elle...you know how I do.

da buttah said...

make her scream my name devil :)

white_devil said...

well that should be easy considering it will be you behind door #1...hahaha

da buttah said...

me?!!

YES!!! I AM GONNA GET SOME!!!!!

come to da elle :)

white_devil said...

yes..you...

prepare yourself...

im about 1/2 way there...

da buttah said...

*cabbage patches* i'm gunna gettttt some! i'm gunna gettttt some!

da buttah said...

fuckin anon

white_devil said...

man..total time at work..50+ hrs...actual work completed..15 mins...rock out with the cock out.

Anonymous said...

hi.

da buttah said...

uhh i'll take CEO for 500 Tommy.

Anonymous said...

a 2x4 ?? that's so nasty! That's what you call a whore!! anyways! I think the man should ask you what you like! Sex is always better when both people are trying to please the other person and not just themselves! It is kinda annoying when a guy keeps asking you though did you cum? did you cum? no fucker! Wow, I'm so glad I finally found my sexual partner for life!

da buttah said...

anon must die.

think so jersey....bang people on my high power executive desk. i like it!

Anonymous said...

jersey, is it ok to call anonymous a "stank bitch"?

Anonymous said...

Dumps in the truck-wha-wha? Told you he'd suck in bed. Told ya the J-man was cool!

Anonymous said...

hmmmmmmmmmm..........hows a bout donkey raping shit eater?

da buttah said...

testicle shitting rectal wart?

white_devil said...

Fuck you anon...and dont crack on by 2x4 comment..you prob. need to tie a trash can to your ankle so you can keep you head above water down @ the wharf...

if it smells like fish..make a dish..

smells like cologne..leave it alone.

da buttah said...

a cooch that smells loke cologne?

woah.

wooooahhhh!

da buttah said...

jersey!! that's sick! hahaha

Hick: not saying i'm great....but i at least ask shit...a lot of questions....

white_devil said...

its an old ancient saying...oh hell..you are great in the sack..

The key to a womans heart is through the clitoris...thats where the $$ is...if you can work it there..you can have that bitch making you pancakes with fruit in no time...

DZER said...

Elle ... those two guys who claimed to have slept with you didn't have the decency to also say that you were fantabulous? bastards!!

Anonymous said...

ok people I guess I have offened some of you..not to sure why... I wasn't cracking on your 2x4 comment..I thought it was pretty funny actually. anyways I can tell when Im not wanted so no prob! There's only like a million and one bloggs out there to keep me entertained while Im at work :) I will take you off my favorites and don't worry I won't comment anymore..have a good weekend people..peace!

white_devil said...

i live in OHIO...well at least my heart does.

da buttah said...

yea..dude! how was your date?!!! who was your date?!!

oh my god devil, like, i like live in ohio!

da buttah said...

CK..of course you can darlin. you're fabulous.

Anonymous said...

it's her not him..and Im not dumb enough to be scared of anyone on the internet. It's funny how Im the total opposite of what everyone is thinking! Im 24,5'8",145, brown/blonde hair, green eyes and I live in Florida..and believe me if any of ya fellas saw me out at the club you'd be on my ass like white on rice ; ) ok Im out for real, I gotta get ready for my weekend at the beach! Hooray for Friday!! go on with your bad selves bloggers!

da buttah said...

jersey...your title of shameless has been ganked.

it now belongs to anonymous.

white_devil said...

you are so gay anon...nuff said..

fuck with the devil and get burned..

da buttah said...

hotel?!

yes!! my vicarious sex life lives on!

Anonymous said...

well Im not really gay but I don't mind a little girl on girl action now and then...bet ya like to watch..

da buttah said...

oh god.

alright..enough with the "oh my god i'm so fucking cool, look i like to fuck chicks..don't you want my hot anonymous ass now" bullshit. GET YOUR OWN FUCKING BLOG TO SMUT ON!

leave me and my beloved readers out of your own false hopes of being cool, attractive, or worthwhile. note that i left out intelligent because whatever lies in there is negligible.

da buttah said...

*bows*

and jersey..i can't eat cereal...*sniffle*

Anonymous said...

hahaha! I do have my own blog actually but it's so much more fun to see how many haters there are out there! I deal with girls haten on me every single day. I really dont get it either..it's not like they're not pretty too.Guess it's just human nature..n e ways I was just playin, don't get your pannies in a bunch -k-? no harm intended..Im a lover not a fighter!

da buttah said...

and i'd be more okay with it if she wasn't: anonymous.

get an identity...then come toot your own fuckin horn.

da buttah said...

trust me..that's not hating.

just sheer annoyance at the fact i deal with girls like you daily ause my retard friends date them....i don't want it in my safe haven.

Anonymous said...

and do people really still think it's "cool" to say they do chicks?? I think it's just fun! I have to admit though Im retired from all that stuff cause I'm with my soul mate now and Im 100% faithful!

da buttah said...

i love when people just don't get the hint.

*shrugs*

i'm off to lunch with the homeboys anyway.

free cooter salut!

Anonymous said...

ok ok Im threating you I get it, I'll leave for real! Sorry jeez..and I used to never sign in with anonymous, Id sign in with my blogger ID but I had a few creapy people bothering me..I learned my lesson not to put to much private info out there..seriously though there's alot of stalkers out there ya got to be careful..if you are really want to see what I look like I'll e-mail you one..

da buttah said...

holy shit! nwapa you whore!!!

yea...i'm so e-threatened. wow. i'm shaking in my e-booties.

da buttah said...

i got 4 minutes till i shall make my exit and arrive fashionably extremely late :)

da buttah said...

i'll go after lunch..k murph?

want some bw3's?


no idea....but jersey..you better checkity check your african bush bitch..before i check her. hoo-hah

da buttah said...

jersey..i have full faith in you....and i'm just a text message away from being your personal savoir: elle christ.

white_devil said...

toot toot...my own horn.

white_devil said...

holla...anon..i want you inside me...or around me..

Anonymous said...

I have no idea who nwapa is, sorry! I just stumbled across your blog and thought it was pretty funny..had no idea you had a little mean streak in ya..a little fistie huh? sorry murphy I don't show anyone but my man by c cups!( you gotta at least get me drunk first!jk)

Anonymous said...

Im classy not trashy baby! I just like to joke around alot..remember I'm old fashioned! Not like grandma old fashioned but like a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets type, only for my honey though : ) Believe it or not Im rally a nice girl, just like to play around and pass the time at work!

white_devil said...

Messing up my lunch Murph...i'll do the 1pm sex sandwich special...

Anonymous said...

sorry to disappoint everyone who thought I was some kinda stuck up hoochie mama, just ain't my style!

Anonymous said...

ha!Your funny but no it's not all like that. I have to say I have never been one to flash my boobs, and I have pretty nice ones too..unless you like those big fake plastic boobs! that is so nasty to me, mine are all real! ok enough about me, what about you? would you like your girl flashin her boobies to people?

Jabbertrack said...

To be honest this man here thinks he is a good lover, just because that's what the ladies have said, especially on the 'after breakup' phone calls when they bitch about their new lover.

I found 'The Joy of Sex' when I was very young up on the book shelf, and studied that shit like crazy.

You gotta be observant yo... it's hard to fake muscle contractions, or extreme pleasure that isn't that porno.... "OH OH OH YES" crap.

There are things you can do as a man, tempos, figure out where she likes to be grabbed, or if she likes to be teased... and if she's not a total square you can ask her what she's into.

Helps if you're blessed as well, just have to remember to take it slow in the beginning... those sounds might not be pleasure....

Anonymous said...

I sorry but me and murphy are having a private conversation(ha!)

I am wearing underwear but they're thongs! that means Im sexy right!! haha! I hate when girls wear reg underwear and you see those lines! not cute girls sorry!

Anonymous said...

good for you jabbertrack! You sound like you know what you're doing : ) I always can appreciate a man who's done his homework! I didn't practice on all those banana's when I was younger for nothin!

Jabbertrack said...

is there more than one anon in this section?

Jabbertrack said...

ya it's all cool actually, there might have even been a slight misunderstanding with another 'mike' in the office and his web page, I haven't seen it because I'm not even interested in it... but nothing bad is going to happen or anything, shame those entries are all gone now though

Jabbertrack said...

personally I dig simple, thongs that look like they could be used on my grandmother's dining table because of all the lace up front are a turn off

Anonymous said...

mine are leopard print, I don't even like leopard print! give me a break it's laundry day : )

Anonymous said...

what's that saying about not the size of the boat but the motion in the ocean or something?

Anonymous said...

Bush sucks! Make the poor poorer and the rich richer!

Anonymous said...

murphy you can call me Amy, that's my name after all! I gave up dancing years ago. You can still spot me at cheeta's every now and then (the one in vegas). yea right, I did have a friend that striped before though..that's a hole other story..

Anonymous said...

hey nice pic of jessica simpson on your blog murphy..she's hot!

Anonymous said...

thats cause she's a good ol country girl! We don't do that kinda thang down here in the south ya'll

Anonymous said...

well unless it's august..then you might catch us with our shirts off cause it's so damn hot!! I mean you have to take your shirt off and sit on it if you drive a car with leather interior (not that I do or anything) if you don't your ass will melt onto the seat! That isn't fun!

Anonymous said...

haha..hey I never said I had on bad underwear! and just when I was starting to like you murphy, shame on you!

Anonymous said...

hey how did you know Im eating pringles! Actually I haven't eaten since breakfast and my tummy is rumbling!! I think I'll go hit up subway...mmmmmm...turkey on honey wheat!

Anonymous said...

I think I got em at Walmart..or was it target?

Jabbertrack said...

or does the local piggly wiggly sell thongs?

Anonymous said...

hey what happened to my post! Im on migente if you want to see my pic

Jabbertrack said...

I can't wait to see which blogger girl is the hootest

Anonymous said...

Elle...this is Cara...I would really appriciate it if we could speak for a minute. I have my aol up, or I am in both chat rooms. Let me know where and when. Thanks

Sorry to interrupt folks!

Anonymous said...

i step away for an hour or so, & now there's a hot chick contest? fucking sweet!

Jabbertrack said...

does Cara want to get in on the contest?

Anonymous said...

No thank you...Just wanted to speak with Elle for a moment. :)

Anonymous said...

is it me? heehee Is it freakin five yet??

white_devil said...

shitty shitterson...hahhahahahaha

Run said...

ehem...in my opinion and *blush* experiences give the guy the benefit of the doubt by seeing if he knows his way in the beginning...if it's nothing but fumbles then (sorry dudes) I'm gonna hafta show him the way...

Not having sex is bad...having BAD sex is worse. I'd rather go without. :P

da buttah said...

pitan!