Whatever Should You Fumble, Your ReBUTTal should be Subtle

there comes a time in every blogger's life....when they get fuckin lazy. this isn't that time, but i do foresee it coming. rather, i think the time has come for you--my lovely, awesome, gorgeous, stupendous, and entertaining to no end--readers to get to know Da Buttah. So, go ahead and ask whatever questions you want, no matter how personal...and i'll answer them (or at least try my best) in my next post.

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some things that royally fucking piss me off:

1. everyone else on the mother fucking road: seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people? do they get behind the wheel and all of a sudden their IQ drops to the speed limit? if i had a dollar for everytime i got stuck behind some dipshit driver that either a-went too slow; b-was waiting for an honest-to-god invitation to make that right turn; c-braked at every turn and everything including a biker in the bike-walk on the opposite side of the road, 2 miles up; d-didn't comprehend the tride and true meaning of the yield and treated as a stop sign; e-does not understand how to merge, and instead of working their way into the flow of traffic, comes to a complete stop and looks over their shoulder like the dipfuck they are for NO cars to come before they decide it's safe to fucking move their car to the other lane; f-sits in the left lane going 5 below the posted speed limit....okay i could go on for ages...and you get the point....NEXT!

2. people who fucking assume things for *you*: okay, this is one thing i will never understand. i'm not saying that assumptions are necessarily bad, and sometimes you know enough about someone to accurately assume what they would do in a given situation, HOWEVER, so not cool to base your decision off some fucked up assumption you have of them. "oh, i just figured you'd be busy and wouldn't have time"...."oh, i thought you wouldn't want that." blah blah blah...who the fuck are you to decide what i do and do not want?! ass bastards.

3. capri fucking sun: seriously, why didn't they just change that god-aweful pouch into something that was actually penetrable? either you break the straw, totally fuck up the hole the straw is supposed to go into, or just cut the fucker open because ya know what? you can't wait the requisite half hour it takes to fucking poke the bitch to get your capri fucking sun fix.

4. fucking bugs: stay out of my shit, and no one fucking screams and runs. word.

5. fucking music: alright people, there's something called taste, and with the onset of britney the world kind of lost their musical taste. hip-hop? new shit blows. pop? new shit is absolutely horrid and from some prepubescent fuckhead who got lucky with a drum machine. alternative? pussy "i love you..come back" rock. punk? okay, good charlotte is not punk..and any guy who wears that much fucking make-up and tats himself up and screams about how much he wants your cooter back, is a homosexualist--and he wants your eyeliner, not you, back. metal? it's a sick sad world when system of a down is actually considered ground breaking and inovative. well, there will always be classical and jazz....right?

6. lines at a fucking store: honestly....is there anything more infuriating than waiting in line at, say, target, and having to sit there for 20 minutes waiting because there are only 3 checkers? and then, it gets more infuriating when you look around and see all these high school fuckers talking and goofing off and you know that they should turn that little fuckin beacon "this lane is open" light on and get to serving your ass. then it gets one step more infuriating when, after waiting and then being next line... but only after the lady in front of you buys half the cat food aisle...one of the high school fuckers decides to work, opens up a lane, and then takes the asshole at the end of the line who just got into line, to check them out. and they say there is justice in this country.

7. people who do not fucking rinse their fucking dishes: this isn't tough, and it makes the washing machines life that much easier. i have no idea what is in cereal, but something in it, when mixed with milk, makes that shit like cement on the side of a bowl..and ya know what? i have better things to do than take a fucking jack-hammer to a bowl to get off a corn flake that could have easily been rinsed off if you took the five fucking minutes to just fill the fuckin bowl with water.

8. leave the fucking toilet alone: it's common courtesty, i think, to leave it as you found it. i go to an apartment occupied by guys, i put the fucker back up. they come to my place? i expect them to put the seat down and the lid down. it's really not that hard.

9. fucking france: dont' ask

10. my fucking ipod: let me explain.....the way the shuffle option works on the ipod is it uses an algorithm which uses the base of the number song you put in, so ideally, based on the random algorithms the ipod uses with the base of that song number, the selections your ipod make are totally at random. yea, in theory, fuckin fantastic. in reality? my fuckin ipod has songs on it that i haven't heard in ages because ya know what? it plays the same fucking songs over and over and over again. is it not odd that while on shuffle, it has played five no doubt songs in a row?! yea...random my fucking ass!