anyway, my 1.3mile drive to work has brought about these musings:
1. do people actually buy kia's? (no offense if you have one). do people actually feel safe in the korean tin can they call a car?
2. are you extremely averted to electric blue eyeshadow?
3. have you ever gone around the entire round-about (or rotary, or circle..whatever) just to further piss off the guy that you cut off who decided to go 2mph and break check you for a good 5 miles..and just so happens to be behind you and is going to the exit on the other side of the circle?
4. how did the bobble-cock gets it's name? how awesome is the word bobble-cock?
5. i reneg on my comment about mariah carey. in other news...i think johnny depp is just pure sex...wonka cakes and all
6. are you sick of celebrities? sick of them throwing the plight of others in your face, while they sit around and buy 10million dollar homes like it's candy? killing spree, 5pm..who's with me?
7. are you the walrus?
8. ever had a nerf ball gun fight in a local drug store, get kicked out, and then return five days later to see your pictures, and nerf ball guns, plastered on the front door with the words "unauthorized customers" written over each picture in large, large, LARGE print?
9. ever crowd surfed? ever have the strongest conviction to body surf, but upon seeing the last poor bastard try and and the crowd just parted you rethrought it? yea, you would. you pussy.
10. ever look at something and ask yourself "why would anyone ever even bother thinking of that, let alone making it, nonetheless buying it?"....and then two weeks later you start dating someone who has a living room full of that thing?
11. why is it when someone says "oh this part is absolutely hilarious", all the humor potential fades, and you just sit there and rouse a fake laugh for the sake of that someones benefit?
12. can you do tongue twisters? can you tie a cherry stem in a knot with your tongue? can you unwrap a starburst with nothing but your mouth and a smile? if so, meet me in the womens room at 1pm...i have something i want to show you.
13. don't you think that after the age of 18 you should stop getting pimples?
14. my dad recently cleaned out the basement, and after yelling for what seems to be 3 hours, i finally decided to heed his calls and see what the fuck he wanted. he wanted to know if i really needed my collection of transformers (circa 1980 when the fuckers were awesome), and proceeded to chuck voltron into the "throw out" box. needless to say, his verbal ass beating ensued. total side note: he found my popples too.
15. what is the attraction to anal sex...on both the women's and men's side? total side note: how disgusting is the thought of butt cheese?
_____________________________________________________________________
that's all for now...gotta get my shiz done if i want to leave work by 1pm. god i love it when my entire office goes on a two week vacation, and i'm stuck here. bastards!
84 comments:
so what did you say to your pop then? "Why the f*ck dont you sell them on ebay?" My dad flogged my mint tanks and planes (still in the boxes) and my star wars models - the b*stard.
i havent a frig what "popples" are - probably some girly-crap toy like barbies and cabbage patch retards.
anal sex - tighter (i would assume)
pimples - hey, lets not discriminate - they have a right to live, just not on my face is what im saying.
ive not worn electric blue eye shadow since my last transgender dream...
another question- if straight men want their girl to try it and insist said girl will like it, how can they not consider that they might like it too if they were on the receiving in? I mean, why would he think I'd like something stuck in my ass if he doesn't?
Anal sex - because it's neat.
neat? far from it - after all the lube and what not .... towel please!
anal sex is like an enema....no joke.
ew!
Great Blog. I'm going to bookmark you.
da buttah, spoken like a truly experienced consumer of the act!!
Actually the lube is only polite when your packing the size of equipment which you'd normally find swinging between the hing legs of a horse.
sorry darlin, never done anal
don't plan to....for a while. but i've heard/read stories that it's like an enema....pull out and THWAT! big ol dump comes out.
damn, that's sexy eh?
you could probably seller the "dollop" on ebay knowing some of the weirdos on that site.
.. this is gettig sick now .. back to the pimples everyone?
*takes a deep breath* ... OK; here goes
1. I dunno about KIA, but some of the Hyundai's — like the Tiburon — look pretty sweet.
2. looks good on hookers.
3. no, but I've followed people who have cut me off for miles and miles, even if it's out of my way, just to scare the shit out of them.
4. I like the word "shuttlecock" better; it's like mass transit dick.
5. remember the hair product called depp? or was it dapp?
6. I only endorse the killing of B-list celebrities.
7. no; but I am a close, personal friend of the barber who trims the walrus' whiskers.
8. no.
9. I'm a very LARGE man ... crowds tend to part around me.
(How large? In Japan, they point and say "gozira!")
10. no; I don't get enough dates, I guess (see 9).
11. that is TOO funny! hah!
12. waitaminute! yer supposed to UNWRAP starburst?
13. yes.
14. hmm ... more than meets the eye.
15. do rim jobs count as anal-oral sex?
I'm keeping my transformers. He can e-bay his engineering books if he wants to get rid of the clutter!
Dzer: no, rim job doesn't count as oral. unless......okay yea..IMG is right...getting sick
Cawm-RAD!--enema? feel clean? and nope, i dont' watch tv actually.
you know what they say ...
... keep your friends close ... but your enemas closer
I hope there are no anti-punning rules here ... *waits to be banned*
do what you want dzer. this is a censor free (with the exception of chingy lyrics ED!) zone.
and that's sick CK. yea a good dump is great, but....uhh, i'm failing to see the sexual fun in it. eh, one day i'll try it....when i've popped out 3 kids and sex with the hubby has gotten boring......maybe....hmmm.
actually i heard you can get a coffee enema - i suppose that sucks if you dont like either of the things.
some people swear by enemas, whereas i swear if i have to have one.
KIAs are ace vehicles. I mean, when I drive over them in my Jeep they make lovely crunching sounds like fresh prawns and the squeals from the inbred owners are like the sound of escaping air from a boiling lobster!
thanks, da buttah ... I have a weakness for puns and other plays on words. what can I say? it's a sickness.
what's sad is I just realized that I'm posting more often in response to your blog, and responses to responses, than I am in my blogs. damn I suck.
good thing i don't drink coffe
and sorry dzer....didn't mean to distract you from your blogs
it's not that ... I guess I'm just frustrated with myself that I'm not posting to them as often as I should. I'm too lazy about it; it almost defeats the purpose of even having a blog, no?
but I do enjoy your blog; it's always fun to read what that twisted, funny, lawyer brain of yours produces.
To quote the Hee-Haw® gang: Saaaa-looooooey!
all this talk about anal leakage, and enema's and suddenly inspired this huge craving for mexican food in me. mmmmmmmm taco!
dzer...i thought there were no rules to blogging. you do what you want when you want...how can one be lazy is there is o requirement to do anything at all? let alone keep up with it?
I feel kind of wrong. I ate Corn Pops again for breakfast. Anyway, I ever tell you that when the lights go out, I look exactly like Johnny Depp? heh.
I am with you, girl, about the celebrity thing. They should just shut their mouths and entertain me already. And I and all my chemical imbalances would love to bitch slap Tom Cruise right back to the Mothership.
ever have your alarm clock go off mid dream?
jesus christ, i'm a zombie.
a zombie who wants mexican food, and will be in the third stall of the second floor c wing bathroom at 1. BE THERE!
hetero lifemate!!
freeeeeeeaaaaks!
Jabber-Stud!
oh my god, are you for serious? they should just block every site on the net like GE does. i can't access msnbc..but hey! i can blog! i swear...idiots!
blog and comment on blogs for 12 hours a day
course they infringe on said 12+ hours by making me attend meetings for the last 3-4 hours of my work day.
GOD! can't they see i need to grow as a person!
Yey! You are one funny biatch!
ducati has seen my tits?
and YES! i should be able to expand my butt sex knowledge and GROW!
the world has seen my tits..or so i thought
and i must have verification that you can do the aforementioned items before you will be allowed in said bathroom, let alone near stall 3 where events shall transpire.
Wow...yet another post about anal sex. Well, not really ABOUT anal sex...but it was mentioned. I see no problem with it, personally. People do what they want, plus it feels good.
I hate KIA's...they are horrible machines of road death and should be destroyed.
I miss my Voltron toys...I used to have all 5 cats, that came together to form the 15 inch Voltron robot...good stuff.
I've yet to see blog tits of any sort.
All I remember of Transformers is that they were pretty pricy and my parents were really slow to be convinced about buying me anything... but I had a few and loved them.
my tits are in one post! GOD GUYS! keep track.
i got all the micromachines and transformers i wanted as a kid. SHAWING!
and popples rocked bitches.
popples are not creeepy...they're cute'n'fun-dango. freakishly clever, if you will.
oh my god! i had four mini popples and two big ones. my fav was the purple one with the lellow hair!
sorry, i won't be there Ducati. it seems that in the spirit of gelt vacationing..i'm going home to do my work. fuck being in an office when no one is even here to acknowledge it!
tits are posted ye say? I shall find them and report back
hawt
had to push the archive button... cuz I came late to the party!
just another reason why Cleveland rocks!
well i've been known to do the cherry thing but i'm pretty sure you were seeking men who could do it *grin*
have a fantastic afternoon off dude!
ice rocks man!
haha jason and his kia....kia sephia...god...should just get a used honda.
chingy is shit.....the end. his name shall't'not be mentioned AGAIN on my blog. so decreed
jason was a moron. falling in love with mormons. idiot! well least he's a jesus freak now, and far far FAR from us
Ed: door county? get some fudge!
Camping rules, I was a Boy Scout dork
being dirty isn't all that bad dude, it's what men do so sack up
i'm too prissy to go camping. fuck it, nature it up, then bring me back to a hotel with a functional tiolet!
and anytime dude. i hate the chingy as well. i aim to please people with my blog comments.
i posted on your shite ducati..don't even start that smack with me!
i never understood camping. what possess people to pack up, and live in a tent for a few days and live off the land?! you said it Ed...no need to pretend your'e amish!
To comment or not?? I did take the under again. fuck it...
1. yes they are all korean spies
2. no
3. no
4. it came 11 days after the creation.
5. nice to know
6. do we get to keep the 10 million dollar homes? because i'm keep travolta's
7. walrus kills a bear hands down everytime.
8. they still serve you anyways.
9. who is the bastard that always tries to steal your shoe when you crowd surf?
10. i'm tired
11. stop thinking
12. how many more questions?
13. i'm going to take a nap
14. ok i heard transformers i'm awake now.
15. of coarse.. transformers to anal. I see the connection.
still taking the under
how do anal sex and transformers not connect? makes perfect sense to me!
tiolets? i only do ones that flush. none of that "out house" latrine bullshit!
naw.....TOILET!
final answer.
Most camp sites have toilets that flush, at least the state parks in CA do.
I did a lot of backpacking too... which is a bit more hardcore than camping where you can sleep in your car if you wanted to.
The appeal wasn't that big as a kid, but nowadays nature calls to the man in me for some reason.
The only thing is that when you are gettin' it on in a tent you have to realize that there aren't any walls, and the tree canopy if there is one can carry sounds for miles....
hmmmmmm, porsche gt2 calls out to the man in me.
rawr.
i drive a stickshift..im more manly than most now...and thus am absolved from camping..EVER
if you want to be..jah!
+4 for stickshift both of you
they are good Ed. but i still miss cousins subs! they have the best bread!
and thanks for the points Jabber-Stud!
Togos > Subway but in a pinch I will step inside a Subway.
Quiznos can suck it, stupid price gouging....
I'm thinking I might get a burger today though since I have been working out like a madman lately.
what? AdSense?
and why can't you talk about google on your blog? I'm confused!
all this junk is owned by google...
fucking shit. 110. ok i'm taking out ed's marketing attempts... and take out anonymous... bring's us down to 100. a tie.
hey i drive a 5 speed... some people think it's weird but I HATE automatic transmission.
As for camping... da buttah listen closely
DOUBLE AIR MATTRESS AND FULL BEDDING
:)
ps anal is ewwy
Well I don't even see any ads on ed's site so..
I never click on ads really, like ever
Helloooooo Mr. Wilson!
yeee haw. thunderstorm.
nope no ads, thankfully the work firewall probably blocks them because I see them in the source code...
I'll have to figure out a way to disable them at home too!
btw I changed my mind and had Chipotle for lunch... you may all exhale now
you bastard! i've had this sick craving for chipotle all month and bastard asshole of new york doesn't have one..ANYWHERE! not even a q-doba!
MMMMMmmmm let me recap for you then... chicken, black beans, green tasty salsa, the usual sour cream and cheese... diet coke and 3 lemons... 2 toothpicks 4 napkins, and 2 trips across a 120 degree parking lot
*adds jabber stud to her shit list* hehe
green salsa? gotta get the red hot salsa...with extra on the side so you can dunk each bite in. mmmmmm!
naw don't suck dude....just have better mexican food around!
ya um dudes stay away from the small mexican and asian food places, the wife is a county health inspector and all I can say is avoid the smaller shops
they might as well be using real mexican water in that real mexican food
hey..long as i don't see how it's cooked...or when pedro drops my enchilada on the pube infested floor....and as long as my head isn't in a tiolet subsequently after....
fuck it. that's good eats!
sall good Ed..as stated before all this talk about enema's and anal explosions made me have this undying craving for mexican food!
ya then I just remembered we went to a mexican stand the other day...
+7 for chicks drinking beer teresa
-1 for anal explosion talk elle :( go ahead and take the +7 if you drink beer tho
nope...don't drink beer...sorry
does drinking insane amounts of shots and, in general, alcohol get me any points
you can have your anal explosion point back for excessive drinking
I tried to become an alcoholic onces and found it near impossible to crave anything more than sex, man I miss my early 20's :(
i'd take sex over alcohol...but apparently one picks up one addiction in law school....mine seems to be non-stop alcohol on the weekends.
Boy am I glad I didn't comment. You sure know how to pick them, Buttah Boobs.
oh dear god!
there will be no christian speak on my jewish blog
GOOD LORD!
sorry about that...i deleted it accordingly.
Currently the company I'm working for is thinking of using Google Adsense to get a little more commission Eddie. That's my take.
Yo yo yo L. Haha. That was a damn long christian speak I tell ya.
Hey, shouldn't you folks be in bed?
You realise, of course, that deleting that guy's post makes you like, a Zionist pig or..something.
And here I was reading up on Dershowitz and Baudrillard, getting ready to go academic on his Bible-thumping posterior.
Not in bed cuz it's 7 pm here in Cali. What's the time down under?
Just gone midday Friday. But Buttah Boobs isn't usually blogging as late as 9pm is she?
you deleted a christan rant before i could read it..... damn it.
what johnny said!
removing all ability of commenters to make fun of it!
i am a zionist pig....duh!
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