2. i think the secratary here doesn't like me. call me crazy, but the bitch never says hi to me, and does the always sentimental head nod when i say hi to her. i see her point though. i'm a no one, i work for two monthes, and i go....and somehow i have an actual office..and she has a cubicle...figures.
3. i hate those bike riders that ride in a pack on the street, and seem to think that they are going the same speed as my car. uhhh, no...you aren't. stop signaling to make a left turn and move.
4. i talked to my friend wes (holla!) yesterday about masterbation. he thinks everytime a girl masterbates an angel gets their wings. cute! how often do you get it on....with yourself?
5. it's a sad sad day when a friend of yours start's to royally piss you the fuck off. that's right boys and girls, i'm a wee bit perturbed at the abstitent stance my friend has taken when it comes to talking about ANYTHING having to do with his (though nonexistent) love life. not that i care, particularly, but when you're sitting there being a total grumpy fuckhead and go "i had some shitty dates last week" in reponse to me asking "what's up?" .....and leave it at that....you are being a complete jack ass. by voluntarily saying you had some shitty dates you're inviting the question of "what happened". am i wrong? i don't fuckin think so. so, i ask..."what happened", and he proceeds to say "i don't want to talk about it?". THEN WHY THE FUCK BRING IT UP?!! so i ask, nicely, "c'mon, what went so wrong?"...and what did he say? "stop asking, you're pissing me off". well excuse me. jackass.
6. a moniker by any other name, would still suck big ol' donkey balls and really serve no purpose but for pure classification for those outside of it.
7. it's funny to see the difference between a chick putting on chapstick, and a guy putting on chapstick. it's so cute when guys do it.
8. googs.
9. i'm not a lawyer, technically, yet people still ask me for legal advice. my favorite is when people ask me what would happen in a given situation and based on whatever i know/what research i've done i tell them....then they proceed to convince me i have no idea what i'm talking about and i am wrong. fun!
10. how much do the deftones rock?
11. it never ceases to amaze me how absolutely stupid i can be.
12. what's your take on the nomination of judge john roberts? what do you think the odds are of the democracts even entertaining the idea of allowing it?
13. is there any right way to do most things? i'm thinking no, but, i'll entertain the idea.
14. i can't really understand, nor fathom, now my ipod got scratched. i keep it in a padded-esque case and never really take out....minus to change songs, of course. so...how did the entire back side get all scratched up? it drives me crazy!!
15. on august 13th would someone be so kind as to come over, and get that giant fucking dead cockroach out of my shower for me? double points for helping me unpack 3 months of my life!
___________________________________________
alright. the mood has swept me, and it's time write some kind of short story-ish thing..in part because i'm a nerd and like to write, and more in part because i'm trying to convince myself that law school hasn't sucked out every ounce of creativity i've ever had. so, i pose the question to you: what topic would you like a story written on? keep in mind, i wrote a story about a girl in a giant latex banana suit who single handedly took down the mafia with her big dick-sucking lips....so....get creative!
134 comments:
amatuer: i don't drink coffe.....i'm naturally a fuckin hyper spazz
comrade: i don't remember the whole story! i'll have to look for it. the gist was that she blogged about all the congressman/senators she slept with...and the blog was found out and she was fired. and i did get her starbucks last week....still not an allie!
moonie..i love you =0)
and yea i know derrik...whoever bush appointed..even if it was a hippie from cali who brought his own tree's to hug, the dem's would be against it. i don't like him too much though, and i am a conservative....don't like how overtly against abortion he is.
1. stealing crayons does not make u strange, it makes you a klepto.
2. the bitch probably takes it up the colon by the married boss. you know this to be true.
3. run them over. no one will ever know.
4. uhm daily?
5. i have a friend like that, OH JOHNNY, I HAVE A BRILLIANT SECRET!!! okay, what? CAN'T TELL YOU BUD. Asshat.
more answers laters. toodles
hick! i'm not helping you. you want to adopt me...get me my benefits package!
moonie--do what feels good....consider this space yours...=0)
hick--not lazy, demanding!
amatuer: i'm listening to adrenaline. god it's fantastic. is there no song that hits the point quiet like "i get bored"? as for the cockroach--my apartment in cleveland is empty while i'm here in ny getting my work on..so when i went to visit on the 4th, i arrived to find this giant cockroach. friend killed it, and it's still sitting here cause i'm a wuss when it comes to bugs..let alone bugs that are so big they can tune in radio tokyo from their antennae
• fuck the secretary. The next time she does the spiteful nod at you, you get up in her face and say, "When I say 'hi' to you, you are to be polite and say 'hi' back at me. If you give me that imperious nod one more time, I'll have your ass written up for insubordination so fast it will make yer hemorroids explode!"
• often. *wank*
• I hate people who bring things up and then refuse to talk about it. Fuck them and the bad dates they rode in on.
• minoker? Is it my lack of Jewish vocabulary? I don't know this word. :o)
• I wanna see the Hebrew version of the Three Billy Goats Gruff. "Wait til Moishel gets here!"
The Deftones are awesome. You should check out the Queen of the Damned soundtrack. It's got them, Disturbed, Static-X, Earshot, and other bands that fucking rock.
As far as getting on w/ myself, I'm married, so you can draw your own conclusions form that......
Define "big" cockroach. We got some here on Guam that are like 2-1/2 inches long ... and they fly ... and half have tatts ...
Dzer---yea the bitch has wings! and is like 2.5-3 inches big. uch!!!! moniker is like a classification or a personal name for something =0)
Shane--love eartshot! love static-x. HATE soad. someone needs to end that painful shite.
Hick: well, we can be lazy together....but i'll stay demanding!
ah ... moniker ... thought it might be ... but then again, I'm not all that hip, so minoker could be something new that I just didn't know about LOL.
*is listening to C&K right now, but is pretty sure no one has ever heard of them*
soad? help me, i'm a little slow (read: hungover like a bitch) this morning.
c&k..heard of...never heard anything by though.
uhh soad: system of a down.
Oh yeah sorry. Yeah, they're too political.
1. Crayons in restaurants? We use pens here. And we can't order children's menus unless you pay adult prices. As far as I know anyway.
2. Stupid secretary.She needs to be spanked by James Spader.
3. Yeah, bikes suck.
4. Enough.
5. Yeah, attention seeking and masochistic.
6. Minoker? Do you mean moniker? Wait, that doesn't make sense either...Please explain.
7. I feel very self-conscious putting on lip gloss, yes. That's why we look cute.
8. Googs? What..the fuck?
9. But you probably are wrong, dude.
10. Sometimes, yes. Sometimes hell no. I like Pink Maggit, Passenger and Be Quiet and Drive.
11. Stupid, eh?
12. Don't know enough to have an opinion.
13. Depends what 'most things' you mean.
14. My iPod came with little marks on the back. Silver is not a masking colour.
15. I would but I'm sure I'll be doing something else.
Write a story about me, of course.
fuck i spelled it wrong..moniker. and it makes sense damnit! stop being such a critic.
and you want a story about you? it might get kinda porn-ish..seeing as you're all hot and shiz
around the fur--LOVE IT! probably one of my fav deftones songs...no idea why.
Yes, but porn is still art.
Wait..'a name by any other name would still suck big ol' donkey balls' makes sense? Now I'm more confused.
And I can't not be a critic. It's what I do ;)
I always think the pack of bike riders are going to follow me like some posessed pack of paper carriers chanting "two dollars" ala Better Off Dead. I'm addicted to chapstick. Sorry, busy August 13th. Banana suit? NICE! DA Munkee loves it!
murph: can't feed it to the cat, it's covered in raid. and you already find me mildly annoying and you aren't even in the same state as me
hedge: a moniker can also be considered a classification of sorts....or so i thought. fuck me!
brian! damn you for being busy!
hedge. that wasn't an expression. she meant it. oh, but be gentle with the anal; bring along the astroglide.
*plants a hidden video camera*
Wes here, but not the one from the masturbation conversation.
Dammit.... heh heh
dzer..hide it behind my conference table....better angle hehe
wes:..lemme know when you want to have that talk. i'm down haha
what DZER said when he was told he was secretly videotaping an elle lookalike:
I can't believe it's not buttah!
punzilla strikes!
Booyah, Dzr!
So, even if moniker is a classification, what exactly did you mean by no. 6? Were you saying we classify things in order to make ourselves seperate and appear different? I know this isn't my blog, but that's what religion does.
But, yeah, the fuck me thing..well, what can I say?
haha oy vey Dzer..ooyyyy vey!
well hedge...i think what i meant is that a classification is more for the benefit of the person classifying, than the person being classified. religion is kind of a self inflicted classification...i guess what i'm talking about is more like...ex..i'm kind of conservative, so people, when they hear that, automatically put me in the republican category, even though i'm fairly liberal on some things too..but for them, it's just easier to go "republican" than "oh..she believes x, y, z"
okay i make no sense today. got it.
I hereby give buttah the moniker of "aussie confuser"
I see now. You yankees really do enforce that Liberal/Conservative thing a lot. I've watched Fox News, I know how important it's mean to be.
I guess it helps that the Australian Liberal Party is our conservative party, so those classifications don't exist - in language anyway. We probably use more perjorative language haha.
awww murph..good thing your such a tree hugger....and i got you more tampons to shove up your ass to get rid of the post anal anal leakage problem you've been having.
hehe thanks dzer!
I regret that I have but one moniker to bestow on buttah.
hmm ... but how does "anal-curious" sound to ya? Not so much a moniker as a descriptor ... a label ... a demographic ... a characteristic ... an adjective ...
hmmmm....go with what feels natural dzer
morning mike!
how about with what second-best to natural? *leer*
i'm still young dzer.....hold on the second best front =0)
DUDE! i'm so down! with my luck i probably have half the spider population of cleveland in my bathtub..dead from trying to eat a raid infested cockroach.
Does that dance turn the shower on? Rain dance etc. Or just turn you on? Bad puns at this time are allowed.
i'm learning from you murph....
ohhhhhh we have a big spider in the women's room here..i named him "karmine"....i did the spider dance in the doorway while the construction guys laughed at me.
they just don't get it!
Don't you guys only have little non-posionious spiders? Baby! The Spider Dance will only make them more eager!
manolo blahniks? WHERE *orgasm*
lets not forget the "i need to change my tampon" dance Murph. you do that one super swell.
Holy shit more numbers..... you know my weakness.. Everyone is watching shark week right??
1. you know the sad thing is you probably don't have any coloring books
2. She might be a mute
3. Who doesn't hate bikers except for bikers?
4. for the those who are new at masturbation http://www.nationmaster.com/encyclopedia/Masturbation
the guy is jerking off on himself. I don't recommend that.
5. dates? what happend to greg?
6. donkey balls.... not that big... elphant nuts.... huge
7. what is it when chicks do it?
8. tom gugliotta sucks
9. so your not writing those royality aggrements.
10. my favorite band by far
11. example.....
12. Anything that pisses off Eli Pariser is fine with me. "right wing coporate lawyer." Plus he was nominated the same time as Miguel Estrada and the democrats took the lesser of 2 evils.
13 i'm thinking yes.
14 ok i'm the politcal question tired me out..
15 nap time.
dude you so know the dance...you start shifting...okay..enough of that topic!
and Johnny..i am writing licensing/royalty agreements....i can e-mail you some. AND FUCK YEA! shark week rocks!
There is a "I need to change my tampon" dance? What would that look like?
yup..animal planet is sans shark week..s'all about discovery on that one.
and RUS: where in texas are you? my bro wants another cat.
"I'm Blind...in Texas"
W.A.S.P rocks.
naw man. just in general yo
why you gotta get all defensive and shiz?
oy. fuckin migraines.
nodo..it's what's for lunch.
amen to that murph!
come to JAMAICA!!!!!!!
murphy send me that link i must watch that. So noone watched the Myth Busters . They are going to swim with sharks and try to punch them in the nose (i think myth busters ripped it from my post). And the special they had swimming with great whites without a cage..... fucking frightening.
Mythbusters is a great show; I watch it all the time. Are they really going to punch a shark in the nose?
Boarderline: crossed.
Mythbusters is awesome.
agreed mythbusters rocks.
swimming sans cage with great whites? when is this being aired?! gratuitous maiming..shawing!
it already aired. the are reairing it tonight i think. its called Great White Uncaged. They swim around 3 male great whites without cages. Absolutely nuts!!
murp wheres the footage at?
autopsy show rocks!
if i had a dollar for every time i grossed someone out cause i could eat dinner and watch someone get autopsied..or watch someone have surgery that involved, for example, poppping out the guys eyeballs and peeling off the skin of his face to do reconstructive surgery...OH! i'd be rich.
First, on the secretary... shorty's gotta be a bothered ur in an office and she's got her dingy cubicle. That's fact. Everytime a woman masturbates... Mars and Venus get closer. Maybe ya friend is pissed that he keeps having to masturbate. Either that or he wants to go out on a date with you. On John Roberts... That's W for ya. Democrats are screwed no matter what they do.
sorry..little to busy to go fishing for links caues you two are lazy fuckheads.....
i have to sit here and figure out why my feta refuses to crumble.
Oh I'm good and ready for the convo :)
oh... and every time a guy masterbates, God kills a kitten... so I've heard. That's not very fair.
see! allison know's what's up! it's so cute!!
Ha.....
thank you thegamebrain....and how have you never heard of the deftones?! sacrelig!
Ed: that's not you? i'll have to subtract a few from my self love number now. damn you!
I am really that ugly
oh hush jabberstud!
elle always gives me the ego +1, <3 u
hehe! +2 for the cute <3 =0)
here murph:
( * )( * ) ....big ol titties for you.
8======D(_(_)
always has to come back to the anal..huh?!
and what do you want here
yea i'd like da butt
oh you mean debit?
yea...da butt!
all i wanna do is a boom boom boom....JUST SHAKE DA BUTT!
okay yea..seriously i'm done.
shit...random dance montages rule
alright...i'll start it up again...ready?
bum. bum..bum..bum..bum..bum...bum..bum...JUMP ON IT! JUMP ON IT!
I have a fetish with teen/youth movies that have random syncronized dancing... wait this isn't postsecret at all
ever notice how in movies, if the main character decides to bust out into a random song dance, EVERYONE in the fucking town knows the dance and how to harmonize perfectly with said song?
fuckin hollywood. i wish it were real man!
yea..to bad no foam clubs like that fuckin exist! GRR! that movie seriously sucked, in retrospect..who the fuck wanted to watch that one?
wow. the lead singer of the b-52's is just making me want to cry with this whole picturing of him singing my fav song. oy!
Da Butt 'n titties, what's a guy to do....
Cue chapstick dude....
OMG TERESA I LOVE THAT SCENE hahahahaha I have that movie just for that part!
haha nice Wes!
Seriously. I'm banning you from talking to him. He bitches about you like no fucking other, my dear, and yes, it's verified, he wanted your nuttage.
And I rather like Roberts.
Googs?! What the shitter?
hotel rawanda was smashtastic!
and no tears of joy amateur. i'm sitting in the corner rocking i'm so scared.
no. but name another good movie that i should add to my netflix que (god i'm working hard today)..and we'll call it even...punk.
garden state. still kind of in awe of it.
nay nay on the cold mountain eddie. can't agree with ya on it
seen it.
oooo last days from van sant looks delish!
A story....I'm gonna have to think on that one.
you have netflix amatuer? need to link up with someome haha...the minute i log on my mind goes blank and i'm a movie tard.
city of god...fell asleep when i saw it at a friends. i'll add it! you are redeemed my dear!
team america? c'mon now! saw it opening day!
netlfix dude. holla!
they finally get rocky horror up?! i'm patiently waiting for that one amateur!
YES! something to look forward to in the shite that is my day to day
computer?
and i'm still waiting for story ideas here people.
oh my god it's only 2
*bangs head against desk*
who is working today? I'm waiting on a dumbass bitch to get a clue and tell just one thing before I can go ahead with a project.
i'm waiting on the definition of HEV per an engineers standards so i can finish up the agreement i'm writing
hmmm intersting amateur. tis an option. started writing something already though...though, as always..it blows
oh my god. thursday is such a fuckin cock tease, isn't it?
hey dude...you got to work when we were into our 3rd hour of work. 2:30!
i have no point. when do i ever?
uh this is weds doods
yea..jamaica wasn't too pricey. mexico is always cheap....december...i'm a big advocate of snowboarding in the winter...or at anytime!
i know..and tomorrow is thursday...and thursday is a weekend cocktease.
actually...thailand is cheap. japan..not so cheap. hawaii? fuckin expensive..especially in december when it's tourist season. i think.
from JFK? hm. What about the carribean? shorter flight than hawaii...
oh! www.sidestep.com helps find things for cheap
i'm going to israel for free in december...wanna come? haha
oh pshh. 75% of my family lives in israel and they are alive and kicking.
hahaha nice Ed!
DISNEYLAND
disneyland sucks
disneyworld rocks
I just noticed the end of your post...I guess I missed it before.
Now I have to know, where I can read this story about a girl in a giant latex bananna suit who had the big dick-sucking lips??
-20 for the Disneyland sucks, + a timeout
Teresa -5 for not liking Disneyland
space mountain is closed jabberstud...that leaves..not much!
Dude--you can go..it's free, just have to sign up and be willing to suck it up with some jews.
Eric: i wrote it a while ago for a friend. was kinda funny, i have to admit =0)
Agreed Ed. You're a fool if you think he has nothing to do with 9/11 too. I think.
i'm in upstate...go to the city on the weekends though. ummm...40th to 70th? where? like in midtown? driving, walking, subway, bus, or cab?
i grew up there. i'd walk..s'only 30 blocks....but i don't know what part of 70th or 40th you're talkinga about!
ohh so like carnegie hall to like grand central?
it's like 3 miles or so ...10 minutes in a cab..tops. well depends on traffic
her new song is whack!
i'm going to go home....i'm going to take my dog out....i'm going to go run another 2 miles cause i feel particularly chunky today...and that should take me to about 11pm seeing as i have a meeting till 8:30 tonight. god i'm exciting.
Ed I thought you were a smart guy but saying Six Flags is the same thing as Disneyland.... what the fuck?
and elle your typing is slim today, you don't look chunky at all
meeting with some of the inventors of the thing i'm writing a fucking contract for. somehow stupid me has to figure out how to take what they inveted and put in a two sentence definition that will keep people from infringing on the patent.*bangs head against desk again*
+4 for jabberstud saying any aspect of me is slim!
1. No your not strange stealing the crayons from restaurants or asking for the childrens menu, but if you start asking for children that'd be another story.
2. Dear Crazy, the secretary doesn't like you, but tell her because you have an office and she doesn't to go get you a cup of something pronto. When she arrives with her delivery, make her drink it because she probably spit in it.
3. Do what I do when the bikers are around. Hold your cell phone to your ear and act like your actually speaking to someone and just start weaving around the lanes. They'll either speed up, turn quickly, or get hit by your car. Whichever happens, problem solved.
4. Three or four times a week.
5. To drive home the stupidity of your friends actions, tell him, "hey, i'm going to get something from "x" for lunch, what can i get for you, my treat." So you go get the food or have it delivered and pass your friend what he asked for. Let him take one bite of his food, then take it away from him. Don't give it back. If he starts asking why, or what's going on tell him, " I don't want to talk about it," and if he keeps asking deliver the coup de'tat by saying "stop asking, you're pissing me off".
6. This explains why I get into a fight when I call someone an "asshole".
7. I beg to differ.
8. ???
9. Do you ever pull a Reese Witherspoon and ask them if they fully understand "Subject Matter Jurisdiction"?
10. Oh, they rock.
11. Stupid is as stupid does.
12. Judge John Roberts; he lists his net worth as over 3.7 million. Does this mean he has an extra hundred or two in his pocket, or there's another 3.7 million tucked in a mattress somewhere? As for the odds of the democrats entertaining the idea of allowing it, well I'd need to check with my bookie.
13. I think there's a few right ways and wrong ways to do some things.
14. I don't have such a conundrum. My iPod was mega scratched before I got my case.
15. Wouldn't it be easier to borrower the neighbors cat and let it eat the cockroach? Why August 13th?
I would like to read a short story of "girl meets boy, girl falls for boy, boy suddenly drops over dead, girl is heartbroken, girl has autopsy done on dead boy, girl finds out boy was murdered and that boy is actually a girl, girl does a 'crying game' reaction, girl loses nausea and vows vengence on the responsible group known as The Moscow Triad." However there are some twists to this, the girl has tourettes, talks with a lisp, and has a magic wooden leg with secret compartments.
i wish amatuer...i wish.
Walter..mah man....i have issues with wooden legs that have compartments....my great grandfather, who was a moscow triad, had one. it's just a touchy subject.
hey elle
have you perchance seen 'the spitfire grill'? a bit old now but sweet and nice for a mellow night :)
also... why do people think that just because i teach pilates i will magically fix them in a conversation on a subway? this shit takes work. so i feel you on the 'instant lawyer just add asshole' problem :)
I feel for ya, while doing an ad today we had to interpret the CEO's hand drawings into what he really meant them to be. Hilarious.
(a keyboard wrist pad allows one to put more velocity into their head banging)
How the hell did you get so much traffic on your site in just two months?
I was thinking Chuck Norris would be a better supreme court candidate than John Roberts. Anyone that tried to block his nomination would get their ass kicked.
I've just surfed into your blog. Chuckles all around... great "wasting company time" material for me. Very funny stuff.
Thanks!
Da Buttah....My Sisttah...Instead of a wooden leg how about a magical wooden finger, whoever pulls it involuntarily farts? Your Grandfather was a Moscow Triad? My Grandmother was a Bolshevik Gangsta. Small world we live in.
Buttah, You're the balls. Great blog. You're very funny at times, annoying at others, but very intersting and I'm sure hangin' with you would be a hoot. The secret of course to your "success" in the world of blog; is your dynamic wit and charisma. The fact that you're a female is even better.
as long as i'm adequately annoying....alright then..
ohh does that mean i'm the human equivalent of an awesomely bad video?
that's a lot of awesome.
i'm not ready for such a step
dear god this is a lot of comments
Well I don't have boobs, so I guess I just can't compete with the traffic on this site. Maybe if I gained a few more pounds...
naw..man teets are never a good thing.
you'll get that much needed traffic...or you can look reallllllllly closely and notice it's the 6 same people posting in a mini chat room. up to you!
dude..i'm taking you down with me then
when have i ever not taken you down with me dude?
and i'm seriously thinking of investing in a cheap one....though i do like the reaction people give when they justlook at the number and not the substance of the comments!
shane was like "How did you get 120 people to look at your blog"
"dude..look who the people are"
"haha lame asses"
and now he's one of us. HAH!!
my friend gave me a portion of his message board..same shit happened.
i bring out the verbose and chatty bitch in people
my ipod is one giant scratch, just kick it around outside for a bit and be done with it... the things still works even if it's ugly
i know..but i have this insane pride about my shit....uch. i am turning into my dad.
Does everyone have an ipod or something? Sux to be me then.
Your right, the same people are posting over and over again. I guess this shows how observant I am. Good blog though, I threw up a link to it on my site for the heck of it.
I like monikers! they are sooo cute! I like to just sit and watch them at the henry doorly zoo here in omaha. I've tried to get them pissed off and throw poo at me, but ain't happened yet. Fuckin' stupid monikers.
Oh, wait! I mean monkeys. Oops.
Right, so am I the only one who has been noticing Bucket's comments popping up on the blogs of those who hang out at Buttah Boobs' site?
He's right though, you are a filthy American :P
And you have understood?
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