damn the need to show lurve.

with the 4th of july around the corner, i figured it's time to do the whole cliche "you know you're from" bit on my own blog (thanks for the tip Jackie)..and give a little love to the city i so affectionately called home for so many years...so, shout out to all my beloved nyc-ers.......this insanely long list is for you:
You Know You're From New York City When..
You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan. (okay...i'm guilty of this..)

You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. (also guilty of this one)

You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map. (nope! used to live in cheesehead land! shout out to the home-skillet cheesedawg Sir. Wesley of Mequon!)

Hookers and the homeless are invisible. (it's uncanny how i can walk right by! what's sad is that people i've walked with in downtown cleveland are just obscenely impressed with my ability to just walk on by no matter how much pleading and yelling is going on)

The subway makes sense. (in any country......yup, although japan was a bit tough on account of random symbols meaning nothing to me...but i figured it out)

You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. (yup tvoyo mat!)

You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple". (i've never heard anyone say that...but...i could see it being irksome)

The most frequently used part of your car is the horn. (oh my god, FUCK YES! honked at four people on the .3 mile trek to work today! fuckin bastard drivers)

You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard. (i'd say the communal gardens are more NYC..but hey)

You consider Westchester "upstate". (sadly, that consideration has been jaded *cry*)

You think Central Park is "nature." (what more do you need? you got a zoo, running trails, nature walks...it's pretty shweet!)

You see nothing odd about the speed of an auctioneer's speaking. (nope, cause i talk that fast on my own...sad eh?)

You're paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal." (is this where i go on and on about my 3 friends who share a one bedroom, and each pay 1200 in rent? hey, it's in greenwhich, what do you expect)

You've been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times. (fuck jersey!)

You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the U.S. pay in rent. (uhhhh real new yorkers don't have cars)

You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid. (i'd say LA's perma-orange-smog glow was more opressive than the city's lights...that's just me though)

You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed. (well, by the time you get into the club, it's already time to go to work, so it works out in the end!)

Your closet is filled with black clothes. (hahahaha, okay...uhh..fuck me...it is..damn)

You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since the 80s, and when you did, it terrified you. (i used to flip out when my family would take vacations to canada...can't sleep when it's quiet! thank god downtown cleveland is nice and crime ridden)

You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents. ($5 beer? what about the $15 martini?!! and that's bargain price. when i was there last monday i got a $23 martini...JAYSUS!)

You take fashion seriously. (*hides her manolo blahnik shoes and takes off her burberry sweater* nu-uhh)

Being truly alone makes you nervous. (disgustingly so)

You have 27 different menus next to your telephone. (naw, food fetchers is where it's at now. and you can order from online! so that ones old skool)

Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip." (coney island represent..holla!)

America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you. (naw, i lived in cali..i'm a cultured new yorker)

You've gotten jaywalking down to an art form. (once again, disgustingly so)

You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise. (okay...i have a few friends who are beyond guilty of this. if i had a buck for everytime i talked to jake (not jakIE but jakE) and he said "yea, i'm in the cab coming home from the gym..'sup"...i'd be a smidgen less poor)

Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes. (actually, i had no concept of true personal space until we moved to wisconsin..and people thought i was some kind of freak for standing so close to them)

$50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag. (uhhhhhhhh, $50 worth of groceries better last my poor ass the entire month!)

You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories. (up that minimum to ten...jesus...)

You don't notice sirens anymore. (nope, which is good because downtown cleveland is like a discotheque light show at 2am)

You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns. (hahaha ryan remember the apartment complex by the aquarium? oh my god...65 floors..)

Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watchseller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian. (and we know how to cuss each one of those bastards out)

You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you. (i'm suspiscious of people who are nice to me in general)

You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skills. (moved out before i developed that appreciation)

You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price. ($7?!! washington is up to $15, and verazano is up to $15 too!)

Your door has more than three locks. (hahahah i added two locks to my cleveland apartment...how sad)

Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it. (uhhhhh, don't make me fockerize you)

You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression. (fuck yes i do!)

You run when you see a flashing "Do Not Walk" sign at the intersection. (yea not like those LA'ers....then again LA intersections are like crossing highways...whereas in NY, it's like one lane each way and they usually aren't moving anyway)

You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license. (23...and got a license..boo yea bitch)

You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available. (hey! see how you deal with standing in 5'' stilleto heels after walking to the goddamn station! it's cool down there anyway)

You're willing to take in strange people as roommates simply to help pay the rent. (hahaha there you go colby!)

There is no North and South. It's uptown or downtown. (okay..i had an issue with this when i moved to downtown cleveland!)

When you're away from home, you miss "real" pizza and "real" bagels. (mmmmm angelo's!)

You know the differences between all the different Ray's Pizzas. (Ray's is out! get with the times)

You're not in the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's Eve. (unless you want to freeze your nutsack off, no one in their right mind would be interested)

Your internal clock is permanently set to know when Alternate Side of the Street parking regulations are in effect. (when my friend came to visit me from the city, he drove. the minute it hit 6am, he was out of my apartment moving his car....it was like he was on auto pilot)

You know what a bodega is. (uhh anyone who has seen half baked is well aware of what a bodega is!)

You know how to fold the New York Times in half, vertically, so that you can read it on the subway or bus without knocking off other passenger's hats. (sadly, yes...yes i can)

Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet..... (one word: purse. problem solved)

You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like the city in Texas (okay that..that's fucking annoying. what's more annoying is that Houston St. is pronounced the way it is by crazy new yorkers)

Film crews on your block annoy you, not excite you. (i'd say ryan and jakie's story concerning the lovely flood lights from 9/11's wreckage clean-up is a way more entertaining and annoying instance)

----and with that i bid you all a fantastic 4th of july! my pointless blabber will commence on the 5th! until then...puppy dog tails and masterbation cream! *close scene*