electric bugaloo

here are a few things i've been pondering as of late (which means since i arrived at work at 6:45am)

1. now, i understand that before restroom comes PUBLIC, but to anyone who consistently uses a public restroom--say in a dorm/place of work/school/mall..whatever--there's a tendancy to claim ownership of one luxurious stall (men, fill in urinal..though i'm not sure you guys do this). so, when you walk into said public restroom, you walk straight down to *your* stall, and make a happy exceremental home...right? well, i have some issues with my fellow female co-workers here. you see, i claimed stall four in the "C-Wing" womens bathroom which is directly located after the cath lab, and before the construction (nothing beats hoot calls from men when you're going to go pee). i claimed the 4th stall as my own, yet a few days ago when i walked in i saw someone in my stall...and not only was someone in my stall (and not only do like 3 women work in the vicinity, so whoever you are i WILL find you), that someone was taking a dump. i thought there was some unwritten rule: if thou hast ovaries, unless thou is vomiting from ass, thou whilst not crap in publiceth restrooms. at least it's a creed i live my life by. FINE, i rethought my strategy and claimed stall number 2. now, yesterday i had the same issue with the same woman--you should know better than to wear the same shoes when scorning a fellow woman oh-mighty-smiter. WOMAN! stop using my stall! and stop taking dumps in the public restroom....it's not cool. (oh and courtesty flush!)

2. when does the crossover come about? when do you go from voraciously hungry to absolutely disgustingly full? just now i was eating some delish swiss chocolate i hijacked from my parents pantry, and while munching away....one bite i was perfectly fine, one more bite and i felt like i was going to vomit all over the place. i repeat: when does the crossover come about?!

3. You know when someone walks out of an elevator and doesn’t expect to see you standing right there and they look up and get all startled for a second? I love that

4. If a girl does actually decide to go home with a guy, she’ll often try to be stern and lay down the law as to how far the hook-up is going to go. However, instead of being dejected, guys are usually elated because they then expect to get one notch below where the line was drawn. If a girl says, “Just so you know, I’m not sleeping with you,” you know they're thinking, “Awesome. Blow job!”

5. Have you ever been eating something and casually looking at the box at the same time, and you glance at the Nutrition Facts and realize that you’ve just shoveled about eight “serving sizes” into your mouth in one sitting?

6. It has been said that a true friend is someone who knows all your flaws – and is still your friend. In my experience, a true friend is someone who knows all your flaws – and seizes every single opportunity to make fun of you for them.

and lastly:

7. stock market just opened and it's already up 2.38 points!! c'mon baby! momma needs a new couch!