okay that's a total lie...it was the season premier of perhaps my favorite tv show (still can't decide between nip/tuck and entourage....as far as hot guys go, nip/tuck wins by a shitton because julian mcmahon is finger lick and hand-down-the-pants nummy), so i'm sorry that i've shirked my blog duty to you my awesome
that, and people still haven't become alerted to my shift in url, which i didn't really explain but did in a round about fashion a la my insane ability to be totally vague in a rather poetic way. okay i'm making up the poetic part..but i was still vague as all hell. regardless, you can update your links, link to me, whatever..not a big deal. the move was more for my piece of mind than to go into some covert e-hiding operation.
oh..and sorry i've been slacking on the commenting front. rest assured if you're linked, i read you religiously...i've just got nothing worthwhile to say other than "dur, dur, dur," because my mind has turned into one giant meld of legalese accounting retarded speak...and i figure sparing y'all of that mess would be best...it'll go away once i start hating academia again...pwomise!
anyway...on with el program-o, no?
1. how do people look good after the gym? i mean, are they not working out and just wearing the gym clothes to look sporty? is that how they do it? all i know is after i work out i look like something not even halloween could justify: i look like i just showered with my clothes on (which i did if you consider sweat pouring shower-esque), my hair is doing the always awesome "wet rat" style, if i have eyemake-up on it's everywhere surrounding my eye-area but not my eyes....i look fucking horrendousl. so there's me, looking like complete shit strolling in to pick up my dog in my workout attire, and on the way out is a woman in little running shorts and a tank top looking fresh as a little diasy. for my own sanity, i'm going to say that she wears it to look sporty and is an avid liposuction user....
2. i dropped my little bundle of puppy lovin' off at day care this morning, only to return home on the route i took five minutes earlier to get there, and guess what? they blocked off the entire fucking road. in five fucking minutes. they had detour signs, which were rather pointless because the only way you can hit euclid avenue in any way shape or form via any street that runs perpendicular to euclid is to haul ass down to e55th because the smart smart transportation department of cleveland decided it would be a fantastic idea to fix the entire length of the street at once; thus, every street that crosses euclid is blocked off and if it's not blocked off you can't make a left to head downtown, which is what i needed to do. the trip that normally takes me all of ten fucking minutes took me a total of forty-five minutes..and i had to miss my morning class....and yes! i am rather pissed i had to miss my morning class because i did do all the reading and i was fucking awake at the ass crack of dawn to work out and make it to class on time at eight in the fucking morning. grrrrr!
3. one word: dreamweaver. i downloaded it yesterday...and aside from not understanding why anyone in their right mind would ever pay nearly four hundred bucks for a fucking computer program (yea...i downloaded it for free...i'm evil...blow me)...i don't get how the program works. i spent my two hour break yesterday sitting there putzing around and trying to get something that resembled a workable page going, but nope. no go. o-well..least i have something to do with my free-time seeing as i have no social life and am now unemployed which means that the lack of social life will now start to bug me....wooot!
4. three words: gwen stefani dolls. you've got to be fucking kidding me....why would anyone in their right mind let a company take their image and plastic it up into something that resembles nothing that could be considered you? who the fuck buys this shit?! her solo album and clothing line made me turn into a closet gwen stefani lover...but these dolls might just push me over the edge and force me to take her out of the number one position on the "women i would tuna dive for" list. stop disappointing me woman! the legacy you left with no doubt is dwindling...so get back to the "really, i'm just a girl" program..and stop trying to make more money!
5. i had what could be considered the most fucked up conversation ever with this random guy. within the first five minutes he flat out said that girls piss him off...so, my replay was simple: "so girls piss you off? makes things a bit hard if you're hetereosexual, no?" and instead of leaving it at that, he actually explained that he's not courageous enough to go homo and said...and i quote: "it appears most girls look for the same thing, that's what's so disappointing, the expectations. and sooner or later it comes out in everyone....why can't people just learn to live life one day at a time? especially girls? Why do ALL girls spend abnormal amounts of time in front of the mirror?" say it with me.....WOW. i mean i'm all for not censoring yourself and laying it all out there, but there is such a thing as tact..and in general when you're talking to someone you don't know and it's the first communication between you, it's generally not a good idea to erroneously generalize the faction of people the person belongs to. what cracks me up is i was reading while this guy was talking to me, and i didn't reply in time...to which he waved his hands and said "see? no response!" i did reply....called him out on the expectation inconsistency, and added a "thanks for generalizing me into not being able to live one day at a time, and spending all my time in the mirror. my ovaries thank you." for good measure....and the guy had the gall to reply with a justification for his being so "open" with me". what was that justification? he overheard my friend mike talking to me and mentioning repeatedly that i'm "like a guy" and that he would never tell a woman any of this, but in light of me being like one of the guys he figured he'd go at it. men! do you meet a guy and launch into why you hate women? better yet, do you meet a girl who is purported to have a rather low threshold for all things totally girly and doesn't really act like a girl in most situations, and bring on the "women fucking blow" harangue in the first stencence you ever exchange with her??
6. i'm not sure what it was, exactly, but while driving home from dropping the bundle-o-puppy love off at day care this morning and going on a fucking trek to get home....a fleet of twenty or so cop cars came up behind me...filling all three lanes...driving at the same speed, about...with their lights and sirens on. i'm shocked i'm still alive....i'm more shocked that my heart didn't come shooting out of my chest because i have never been so fucking scared in my entire life....and i've gone base jumping people.
7. put yourself in the position of a giguntor guy....so you're an insanely tall guy, you have a female friend..and while you're out shopping with your girlfriend--who happens to be a size two and giguntor as well at a height of 5'11''--you see a shirt and it makes you think of your female friend. said female friend does not have a "hot body"...has huge knockers...and though she does have a flat tummy...it's one thing that's better left unshown...in fact, most of her skin is better left unshown. so, this shirt makes you think of your female friend, and you buy it! and you give it to her....now tell me....what the fuck were you thinking buying her that shirt?
8. halloween is coming and that makes me insanely happy because it really is my favorite holiday, but for some reason costumes for females over the age of eight are skanky as all hell. i'm cool with skanking it up for a day; however, i'm really not sure what my friend was thinking when she suggested we go as a skankalicious racing team. yea, it's hot as shit...but i'm thinking that will take me out of the skanky ranks and toss me head first into "fat girl in a little costume" land. eeep!
9. i had been e-mailing this guy for about a week, and for almost that entire week he kept begging me for my blog address...which i refused to give him because....well? this place doesn't paint me as the picture perfect person...yea, it's who i am but going along with the tact mentioned in numero 5 i usually don't divulge the blog addiction let alone the url to people i meet. it lets them get to know how shitty i am at an incremental and controlled pace rather than just tossing them into the middle of the game, plus....when they fuck up it's nice to be able to berate them here (tee hee!). anyway, i caved...i gave it to him..and guess what? no more e-mails from him. nope. not one. it went from at least ten times a day to nothing for the past four days. wooooooooo! i suck something fierce!
10. i spent the better part of my monday morning trying to convince someone i've known since high school that my eyes are not green. no clue where he got the idea that my little photo-responsive little peepers were green...but it was beyond annoying (and amusing) sitting in front of the guy for at least an hour having him look into my eyes and asking "are they green?" and having him reply "no, they're brownish right now..but you have green eyes man". in his (and my) defense, this was the day after an open-bar wedding...but i'm just going to say it again on the world wide web for him: my eyes are not green. greenish? sure. can i make them greener with make-up? of course (purples and golds with subtle greenish eyeshadow blended in, by the way, brings out greens)...but they aren't clasically green...and here is my proof:
see that?!! NOT GREEN!!! muddled nasty disgusting hazel brownish greenish shit colored...that's the color of my eyes. i'm looking into an insanely bright light, so it's not cause the room was dark, and no! there is no photoshopping involved. now i just have to wait for him to read this and call me and start telling me my eyes are green again =0)
oh..and there's some shnoz for you mr. rebeleyeball...it's large, it's in charge...but not bad for a jewish chick i'd say.
2. i dropped my little bundle of puppy lovin' off at day care this morning, only to return home on the route i took five minutes earlier to get there, and guess what? they blocked off the entire fucking road. in five fucking minutes. they had detour signs, which were rather pointless because the only way you can hit euclid avenue in any way shape or form via any street that runs perpendicular to euclid is to haul ass down to e55th because the smart smart transportation department of cleveland decided it would be a fantastic idea to fix the entire length of the street at once; thus, every street that crosses euclid is blocked off and if it's not blocked off you can't make a left to head downtown, which is what i needed to do. the trip that normally takes me all of ten fucking minutes took me a total of forty-five minutes..and i had to miss my morning class....and yes! i am rather pissed i had to miss my morning class because i did do all the reading and i was fucking awake at the ass crack of dawn to work out and make it to class on time at eight in the fucking morning. grrrrr!
3. one word: dreamweaver. i downloaded it yesterday...and aside from not understanding why anyone in their right mind would ever pay nearly four hundred bucks for a fucking computer program (yea...i downloaded it for free...i'm evil...blow me)...i don't get how the program works. i spent my two hour break yesterday sitting there putzing around and trying to get something that resembled a workable page going, but nope. no go. o-well..least i have something to do with my free-time seeing as i have no social life and am now unemployed which means that the lack of social life will now start to bug me....wooot!
4. three words: gwen stefani dolls. you've got to be fucking kidding me....why would anyone in their right mind let a company take their image and plastic it up into something that resembles nothing that could be considered you? who the fuck buys this shit?! her solo album and clothing line made me turn into a closet gwen stefani lover...but these dolls might just push me over the edge and force me to take her out of the number one position on the "women i would tuna dive for" list. stop disappointing me woman! the legacy you left with no doubt is dwindling...so get back to the "really, i'm just a girl" program..and stop trying to make more money!
5. i had what could be considered the most fucked up conversation ever with this random guy. within the first five minutes he flat out said that girls piss him off...so, my replay was simple: "so girls piss you off? makes things a bit hard if you're hetereosexual, no?" and instead of leaving it at that, he actually explained that he's not courageous enough to go homo and said...and i quote: "it appears most girls look for the same thing, that's what's so disappointing, the expectations. and sooner or later it comes out in everyone....why can't people just learn to live life one day at a time? especially girls? Why do ALL girls spend abnormal amounts of time in front of the mirror?" say it with me.....WOW. i mean i'm all for not censoring yourself and laying it all out there, but there is such a thing as tact..and in general when you're talking to someone you don't know and it's the first communication between you, it's generally not a good idea to erroneously generalize the faction of people the person belongs to. what cracks me up is i was reading while this guy was talking to me, and i didn't reply in time...to which he waved his hands and said "see? no response!" i did reply....called him out on the expectation inconsistency, and added a "thanks for generalizing me into not being able to live one day at a time, and spending all my time in the mirror. my ovaries thank you." for good measure....and the guy had the gall to reply with a justification for his being so "open" with me". what was that justification? he overheard my friend mike talking to me and mentioning repeatedly that i'm "like a guy" and that he would never tell a woman any of this, but in light of me being like one of the guys he figured he'd go at it. men! do you meet a guy and launch into why you hate women? better yet, do you meet a girl who is purported to have a rather low threshold for all things totally girly and doesn't really act like a girl in most situations, and bring on the "women fucking blow" harangue in the first stencence you ever exchange with her??
6. i'm not sure what it was, exactly, but while driving home from dropping the bundle-o-puppy love off at day care this morning and going on a fucking trek to get home....a fleet of twenty or so cop cars came up behind me...filling all three lanes...driving at the same speed, about...with their lights and sirens on. i'm shocked i'm still alive....i'm more shocked that my heart didn't come shooting out of my chest because i have never been so fucking scared in my entire life....and i've gone base jumping people.
7. put yourself in the position of a giguntor guy....so you're an insanely tall guy, you have a female friend..and while you're out shopping with your girlfriend--who happens to be a size two and giguntor as well at a height of 5'11''--you see a shirt and it makes you think of your female friend. said female friend does not have a "hot body"...has huge knockers...and though she does have a flat tummy...it's one thing that's better left unshown...in fact, most of her skin is better left unshown. so, this shirt makes you think of your female friend, and you buy it! and you give it to her....now tell me....what the fuck were you thinking buying her that shirt?
8. halloween is coming and that makes me insanely happy because it really is my favorite holiday, but for some reason costumes for females over the age of eight are skanky as all hell. i'm cool with skanking it up for a day; however, i'm really not sure what my friend was thinking when she suggested we go as a skankalicious racing team. yea, it's hot as shit...but i'm thinking that will take me out of the skanky ranks and toss me head first into "fat girl in a little costume" land. eeep!
9. i had been e-mailing this guy for about a week, and for almost that entire week he kept begging me for my blog address...which i refused to give him because....well? this place doesn't paint me as the picture perfect person...yea, it's who i am but going along with the tact mentioned in numero 5 i usually don't divulge the blog addiction let alone the url to people i meet. it lets them get to know how shitty i am at an incremental and controlled pace rather than just tossing them into the middle of the game, plus....when they fuck up it's nice to be able to berate them here (tee hee!). anyway, i caved...i gave it to him..and guess what? no more e-mails from him. nope. not one. it went from at least ten times a day to nothing for the past four days. wooooooooo! i suck something fierce!
10. i spent the better part of my monday morning trying to convince someone i've known since high school that my eyes are not green. no clue where he got the idea that my little photo-responsive little peepers were green...but it was beyond annoying (and amusing) sitting in front of the guy for at least an hour having him look into my eyes and asking "are they green?" and having him reply "no, they're brownish right now..but you have green eyes man". in his (and my) defense, this was the day after an open-bar wedding...but i'm just going to say it again on the world wide web for him: my eyes are not green. greenish? sure. can i make them greener with make-up? of course (purples and golds with subtle greenish eyeshadow blended in, by the way, brings out greens)...but they aren't clasically green...and here is my proof:
see that?!! NOT GREEN!!! muddled nasty disgusting hazel brownish greenish shit colored...that's the color of my eyes. i'm looking into an insanely bright light, so it's not cause the room was dark, and no! there is no photoshopping involved. now i just have to wait for him to read this and call me and start telling me my eyes are green again =0)
oh..and there's some shnoz for you mr. rebeleyeball...it's large, it's in charge...but not bad for a jewish chick i'd say.
16 comments:
Your eyes are like you (at least from what I've read) they're complicated...but in the good interesting way...not the scary..please leave me alone kind.
I do see green, but its a nice mix. Seems that in most girls that I know, eyes change shades/color based on mood.
E-mail guy isn't worth your time...
Now, that's what I'm talkin' about! I could look at that picture all freakin' day. The nose make the face and yours is outstanding.
Halloween rocks........I'm thinking of going as slutty grapes.......no? Ok, maybe not
I would kill to see you in that racing team costume.
#7: He was probably thinking the same thing I'm thinking. Damn, E would look hot in that!
#8: You sorely underestimate the power of the knockers. You're also way too hard on yourself.
#10: Sounds to me like a clever ploy to stare deep into your eyes for an hour. Did he next argue with you about your rack so he could stare at that for an hour too? Two words: Evil Genius.
I like the color, all dreamy. Golden brown, texture like sun...
Derrek: i will hurt you haha
Chris: haha i like that analogy, even if it might be a little too far reaching =P
Thatguy: yea, my eyes change color based on mood, what i'm wearing etc...but they aren't green. i wish they were, but alas. nay nay!
Rebeleyeball: i thought eyebrows made the face? shit!
Ryan: if i'm forced to wear that costume *and* i look halfway decent in it..i'll do a country tour to show it off.
MJ: why choose when you can have options? shirk the box of categorical placation! or something...
Kristen: slutty grapes? would that be a ballsack?
Flounder: i think i would kill you if you did see me in it. i may not be a whale, but that is one form fitting lil outfit. eeeeep
Vlad: i haven't tried that shirt on, but looking at it..it seems that the area that should cover up my boobies wouldn't cover up a damn thing..which i know is "hot" but c'mon! i can't walk around with my tits out (unless i'm in a nudist resort in jamaica) as for the clever ploy..no...he has no sexual interest in me whatsoever...i think he was the victim of too much drinking and too much pot.
Faltenin: only you could make nasty disgusting hazel brownish greenish shit sound romantic.
Pyro: eeek! i hate when people look me in the eye..no idea why, but it makes me really uncomfortable
dude at least TRY IT ON! if he was wrong return it and you have a credit... if he was right? then dayum.
for the record that kind of cut out in the tummy is hugely flattering to the curvy...
elle sometimes your level of nasty to yourself is hard to read. your eyes are beautiful and so are you...
and i think you might just be even prettier on the inside.
Wow, there's a lot there today...
1. I know what you mean. There are some seriously hot women at the gym here who still look hot after a workout. I don't know how they do it. The only time I don't look like crap after is if I'm having a light day, but that's not too often.
4. I totally can't stand stefani now. Frankly, I think her marriage to Gavin whats-his-face is perfect as they're both a couple of cunts, but that's another story. She's totally sold out, and yoko-ed her own band. Totally foul...
5. He sounds like a douche who's probably just bitter because he has no luck with women. The sad thing is his sorry attitude is only going to make things worse for him.
7. I totally couldn't keep up with who was who in this one. If any of this involves the girl with huge boobs wearing something like either of those rhinestone halters, I'm totally down with that.
8. This is the only reason that I still like halloween. If you and your friends go for the racing team look, a shot of that totally has to be a HNT. :P
9. He's probably just a pussy who figured out that he couldn't handle you.
Michael and Sass pretty much covered everything I was going to say... except the Gavin comment. Damn I think he's beyond f.i.n.e
You're beautiful to me, E.
*smooch*
OK... still reading ....be back to re-comment when I'm done...
Entourage rocks. But I'll go for the hot chicks, not the dudes.
Long live Apple.
Sass: it's sitting on a hanger, hanging off my mirror. i figure for now it's good motivation to go kick my ass some more at the gym. he and i made a deal that i would try it on and have him decide if i should wear it out or not the next time i see him, which is coincidently september 30th. until then, bring on the ab workouts! and why do i feel like you're serenading me with james blunt? =P
Michael: yea, even on my light days i look like ass because why would i shower, put on make-up, and try to look good for the gym? it's purely a get up, roll out of bed, take the dog to day care, and get on the tredmill/lift weights before i wake up enough to realize i fucking hate it. i'm with robynb, gavin is delish...but miss gwen needs to calm down on the money-making powerhouse front. at least they named their kid something normal! oh, and my best friend (the giguntor guy) bought me (the big tittied girl) a halter top that i think is impossible for me to even wear a bra with. lucky meeeee! i'm fine with boob tape, but that shirt and that halloween outfit are going to fucking leave me with no 3rd layer of skin.
Robynb: aww, shpank you :) that's the most play i've gotten in months. no, really. it is!
Atl lg: *looks at watch* *taps foot* *looks at watch again* *searchs for atl* wow....you must read slooowwwwwwww =P
Wes: entourage is da bomb. interested to see where it goes with season 4, seeing as Ari was fired and he really is the only reason most people watch the show..outside of the hot chicks.
I have updated your link!!
XXOO,
JTL
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