i'm in the court of the elite exposing my fleshy parts. maybe the king'n'queen of hearts will let me in their royal flush and the cards'll read my way

so, i've been gone for a few weeks...and it was a refreshing few weeks, let me tell you...not that blogging is something that i worry about or that i'm obligated to do...but, it was nice having one less thing on my plate to deal with.

and lets face it...we all sort of feel obligated to keep at it, no? okay...maybe it is just me.

regardless...here's a little update of what's been going on in my wee little shit-tastic life

1. i joined a band...and than i got kicked out of said band. perhaps saying "kicked out" is taking things a bit to far, seeing as the fuckers never even did me the courtesy of telling me i was out; rather, i wrote an e-mail explaining how it felt like they didn't want me in, and they never even bothered to speak to or negate that little feeling i had. can you feel the respect? i know i'm out because i asked for my pa system back and they told me when i could pick it up. i don't even care that i'm out per se...i mean, yea, it fucking sucks a big one...especially 'cause i have no fucking clue why i'm out, but i do care that people have such a lack of respect for others. it's not like i'm some random bitch, i actually spent two months hanging out with and working with these guys and i did put a lot of effort into writing what they wanted, even if i thought it was ghey as shit. o-well. off to the next project, right?

2. i actually am dating a guy right now. isn't that fucking shocking? yes, i too fear the apocalypse given that fact. regardless, i've been seeing him for a little over a month or so now..and things are going pretty well. he's by far the sweetest guy i've dated...which really isn't saying much come to think of it, but, a few examples are in order, right?

• the day my gramps died--circa valentines day for those playing at home--there happened to be a blizzard here in cleveland...and he and i were talking, i brought it up briefly, then changed the subject...and said how i'd kill for a pizza. much to my shock, a few hours later i got a phone call from him saying there's a box for me waiting outside downstairs. at first? i didn't buy it...but, curiosity always gets the best of me so down i went, outside i went in the blizzard, and there was a box with my name on it. in the box? a medium pizza with my toppings of choice, ice cream, my favorite candy bars, my beloved diet coke, and a bouquet of tulips--my favorite flower. considering i'd never met the guy at this point and we were talking for less than a week, my little tears of sorrow turned to tears of joy, because that is seriously the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. ever. let alone the first time i've ever gotten something on valentines day from a guy that isn't related to me. and i need to stop talking about it because i'm tearing up again

• i felt like shit a few weeks ago...and what did he do? he showed up at my door with half the counter of wallgreens. call me a cheeseball, but that's fucking sweet. he also brought over treats for sofie and lulu...[fyi-he fucking hates cats] so, that was also shocking to me

• i was passed the fuck out one morning, he was up. what did he do? he took sofie out for me. i'm serious...my face is still portraying the pure shock weeks later.

• i like to sleep with noise going on, so much to my surprise he picked me up from the airport and handed me a box. it was a sleep machine [with ipod hook up, woot!]...so, that rocked my socks off. what further rocked my socks off? i'm probably the only human being that completely passes out when she hears city sounds, so i, naturally, put the "city sounds" option on and pass-the-fuck-out. he couldn't sleep at all with the horns honking and subway sounds...but, he laid there the entire night and didn't once change it, wake me up, bitch, or moan. when he told me in the morning, i told him he should have changed it, or woken me up to change it...but he just looked at me and said "you were sleeping, that's all that matters." yea...it's vomitous, i know.
  

• we made dinner...he showed up at my door with, i shit you not, a field of tulips. i swear, it's like he raided a field before he came over...the bouquet was HUGE..i couldn't hold it one hand...i needed two vases for it. yea..i loved it =0)

i'd say that's enough nausea inducing smut for now. what happens when to rather anti-commitment people get together? guess i'm about to find out.

3. in addendum to how sweet he is, he's also the first guy to give me an orgasm...oh yes, my rubics-cube of a vagina has been solved. it's really simple...go figure.

4. march twenty-sixth marked the fourth year my dog has been existence, and the fourth year--for all intents and purposes--that i've been a proud puppino owner. i know understand what my parents mean when they say it seems like they just blinked and i was the lovable hedgehog-esque blogger half-ass-edly blogging before you. they just grow up so fast..*tear*

5. in an effort to be a good daughter, i've decided to do a diet with my momma, who coincidentally should lose weight before surgery...no big deal right? i try to burn seven-thousand calories a week to ensure that i, in theory, lose two pounds per week and can eat whatever the fuck i want whenever i want...and, that extreme amount of cardio is thus my habit. this diet only allows me to eat one thousand calories a day.....i foresee falling over in a blaze of sweet in my future.

6. i am on the cusp of becoming a full fledged lawyer [scary isn't it?], and i'm no closer to being okay with that conclusory fate. i know it makes no sense, i know i'm being a shithead, and i know that i'm nearly twenty-five years old and i'm still absolutely clueless about what i want to do with my life, and that just ain't right. moreover, i'm pretty much clueless about whether i'd be a good lawyer or not..but i suppose i shall find out.

7. continuing on with the academic, unbeknownst to me my masters program requires students to maintain a 3.3 average before they are put on academic probation...and guess which student got *gasp* two "B-"'s fall semester? imagine how absolutely pleasureful that phone call to my parents was? not only did i have no clue about that rule, but i had to tell them i was kicked out of the program for a semester. who's mommy and daddy's shitheaded child? oh yes, dats me...queen of the dee-dee-dee.

8. i am once again a proud apple owner. that's right, i took all the money i don't have and decided to buy a macbook...and before you get all "you can't be that poor if you can afford a macbook," let me just add that i bought it off craigslist from a guy who didn't want it anymore because the battery was wonky...so, for six hundred bucks and a new battery, i had a fairly new fifteen hundred smackaroo machine. okay. i'm done defending myself. anyway, mac's have this bomb ass program called garageband, and i am addicted to it. if you ever want to prove your musicial inability, this is the program for you! hey..just 'cause i'm hoplessly devoted to music doesn't mean i'm necessarily musically inclined or skilled at it.

9. this pretty much sums up my view of things lately:

1o. i finally went to israel. oh yes. FINALLY! only took a good eighteen years of begging my parents to let me go, them going for my birthday last year, and the few friends i had dropping off like flies leaving my schedule open for spring break. so, i went...i saw...i had the joy of seeing it snow in jerusalem and freezing my balls in none other than the middle east...and i fell in mother-fucking love, people. as soon as a certain someone who shall remain unnamed because i promised i would stop bitching at him to send me pictures *cough cough*, i will post pics of the most beautimous holy land.

and, it is thursday...so here's a crappy pic

eitan insists that the above exhibited outfit does not match...i see nothing wrong with dark brown pants, a very light orange tank top, and a black sweater. am i wrong? and wow, that is really not a flattering picture at all.