leave it to me to get so drunk and stoned that i throw my morals out the window and the need to get some dick supercedes the need to like myself in the morning.
leave it to me to find a guy, bring the guy home, and proceed to engage in debauchery...only to have the guy be "so nervous" he's unable to get hard and marshmallow-in-keyhold action ensues.
leave it to me to find the one guy who does not want to be simply a mistake in my book, and who has no desire to be simply a notch on my bedpost.
yes, leave it to me to find the only guy in this world who spends a night with a chick, can't perform at all, and wakes up in the morning with the assumption that you two are together, and promptly refers to you as "his girl" to the first fucking person that calls him.
yup. i can't even have random sex correctly....NOPE! i get a guy who genuinely likes me and can't fuck me, and then throws out that fucking "girlfriend" bullshit the minute i open my eyes in the morning and who actually went out and bought me a holiday gift.
you may be sitting there thinking "awww, that's so sweet. he likes you and he got you a gift." but you're out of your fucking mind if you're sitting there thinking that and also keeping in mind that i met the guy at eight o'clock at night on a saturday, and at seven o'clock at night on monday i got a phone call asking when he can come over and give me my gift...
i had five finals last week...and he felt the need to call me every fucking night, and periodically through the day to ask me such pressing questions as "do you miss me?" as if i could actually miss anything when my ulcer is going fucking insane, i have a shitload of legal crap and accounting bullshit to memorize, and i'm running on no sleep and no real food....
i got a phone call saturday afternoon in which he bitched and moaned about how horrible and disgusting he felt because he had some stomach bug, and he didn't just bitch and moan and give me a play by play about his puke-action....but he did it in fucking baby talk.
baby mother fucking talk.
and after he goes on and on about how horrible he feels and how much he hates throwing up, he asks if he can come over. am i being a total bitch in thinking that makes no sense? am i being a total bitch in thinking that calling someone for the sole purpose of bitching about how absolutely disgusting you feel is utter and complete crap? am i a complete bitch for thinking it's fucked up he bought me a holiday gift?
fuckin' hell.....how pathetic is my life?!
i need to get rid of him. bleh.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
15 comments:
oh you poor delicious wench ...
whatever shall you do?
thanks for sharing the cosmic comedy with us all ;)
Get
Rid
Of
Him
Seriously.......the fact that he couldn't get hard and the fact that he woke up calling you his girlfriend is just not acceptable.
You're not a bitch.
Get
Rid
Of
Him
I'm not even going to start on the details of throwing up
Dear God! Change your phone number and your locks! I had the opposite problem. I was with a guy for a year and a half before he would call me his girlfriend.
Yeah..that one sounds like a winner, E :( sorry you got stuck with a loser.
-N
So when do you meet his parents?
tell him you told your father ALL about him... as in ALL ABOUT HIM..(use the marshmallow phrase and all )..tell him your father wants to talk to him...then give me his phone number...Problem SOLVED!
Pyro: it's amusing in an insanely depressing way. i don't see how a guy can bitch and moan about how disgusting he feels and then proceed that sentence with "if you want, I'll come over." boggles my mind, but then again i'm a-emotional.
Dzer: i don't know what i shall do! HELP!
Kristen: working on it. i just don't know how to do it in a nice way...seeing as i know a lot of his friends and i don't want to be "that" girl, you know?
Alie: those are the guys i normally get...and i hate to say it, but i so fucking prefer that. seriously. you'd like this guy though..tall, skinny, covered in tats and piercings....too bad he's fucking psycho and into relationships.
Nat: you win some, i lose all the time :)
Flounder: i shit you not, he actually brought up meeting his parents and how much they'd love me. that's about when my heart turned to stone, officially.
Atl: no, he wouldn't care. the marshmallow problem didn't really phase him...it was just a codification of how much he liked me in his mind..he liked me so much he was so nervous he'd fuck up, and therefore...it didn't work. fuckers...all of them.
Lately, I've been of the opinion that sometimes women can be too hard on guys and expect too much from them.
THIS ISN'T ONE OF THOSE TIMES! You did nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with another consenting adult. A lot of girls your age would have thrown the guy out when he couldn't perform. The fact that you didn't says a lot about you; I'm sorry you have to pay a price for being a good person.
i would of fucked his limpy penis man or make him strap something on.
I don't think he's sweet. I think he's fucking mental and you need to send him packing. If he can't get it up with you, he's either gay or emo. Either way, you don't need that.
Look on the bright side, at least you didn't have to deal with hating yourself the next morning. You have more than enough self-loathing as it is. :)
P.S. - you and marshmallows... :(
this post made me laugh like a mofo...what a homo.
im telling you right now that even if you have mutual friends you shouldnt worry about them. the first time they give you any grief just tell them about his ED and they'll laugh him all the way to suicide (especially if mike's right about the dude being emo)
Sounds like he could be your puppet and you, his puppet master. Your hilarious.
YNH: i know i did nothing really wrong, other than straighten things out in the morning. i hate being nice, i really do.
Michael: i do reek of self loathing don't i? i did hate myself in the morning...i still feel skanky for even trying to do it...and i feel like a bitch for the way things are panning out between us. blows. but he is an emo fuckin weirdo!
G-money: see? you should have been there, then i wouldn't have to deal with being noodled.
Charlie: it is fuckin funny....i feel so bad for laughing, but at least i didn't laugh at him when it happened! MUHAHAHA!!
Sharon: i'm not down with puppet mastery. call me crazy, but i like a guy who at least challenges me.
So...jerks suck and nice guys suck too?
Bah.
Look, contrary to popular beleif, women *do* have needs that can't always be met by hand, so to speak. That you tried to fulfill yours in the most carnal way possible is nothing for which you should feel ashamed or guilty, regardless of what may or may not have impaired your judgement.
As for Flaccid Frankie... I guess when pulling the girlfriend card isn't enough, the way to endear yourself to someone is to regularly pester them, and then, if all else fails, call and discuss your bodily functions in great detail. And the gift thing... yes, it's strange. Especially given the timeframe in which all of this occurs. Basically, this guy's gotta go. Soon.
Post a Comment