you're winning me over, with everything you say. you rip my heart right out. if you love me at all please don't tell me at all. don't call.

start out simple: i think i'm done tweaking my template for at least a week. promise. i think i finally solved the problem of the font being all shades of huge in internet explorer while being tiny in firefox. it drives me fucking batty that ie and firefox don't render the same view, but....there is a reason why one is better than the other...and we all know which one that.

if you didn't guess firefox, leave. just leave. right now...go ahead, push that little red box in the top right counter, you blasphemer. just kidding, tee hee!

second...i'm a hormonal fucking mess thanks to new birth control pills, and the full moon always happening during my cycle really doesn't help...neither does the fact that the winter blues are descending upon us....so?! to spare you all of my endless supply of self deprecation and caviling...i'm going to go total avoidance style and do a meme. holla!

things that excite me and delight me:

extreme sports: it's a shocker, i know...i'm not obsessed with snowboarding or anything, right? [sarcasm] i haven't gone sky diving six times, bungee jumped twice, gone base jumping or anything...nope.[/sarcasm] i have no qualms with the fact i'm a total adrenaline junkie, and i'll be fucking damned if i don't go to cedar point at least once before i move out of the midwest [with the sincere hope i never, ever, ever return...unless it's chicago...or a job that pays over two hundred thousand...starting.] their extreme, their exciting, and for however long the experience lasts, it's beyond fantastic to not just know you're alive, but to feel it with every ember of your being.

buying shit on discount: what? i'm female! there's something insanely satisfying in buying shoes that cost eight hundred dollars for less than two hundred bucks. there's something insanely exciting about finding a dolce and gabanna dress with the most minute of blemishes, and walking out of the store with a two thousand dollar dress for only one hundred and fifty bucks. i dig it, yo!

food: hah, and you wonder why i have weight issues...but good lord, there are few things in this world that can compare to a great meal, a fantastic dessert, or something as stupid as a peanut butter cup. it makes dieting damn near impossible, but it's one awesome temptation i love to give into...until i look in the mirror, that is. blast!

the future: the future is a mother fucker...and it's nerve racking as all hell...but, there's an element of excitement to it. uncertainty leaves a lot of room for things to happen, and even i, the queen of all things cynical and pessimistic, has some hopes for what will come in the future. the possibilities are exciting...or so i think.

i may get laid again: it ties into the future, but the possibility that i may get laid again is tantalizing...not that i don't do a great job on myself, but good lord it's been way too long and it's going to get to that point where i just go from total nymph to totally asexual...it's inevitable. i'm fully aware that getting laid isn't very difficult, but we've been over this: i don't do random sex. the idea of experiencing a mutual attraction again is not only arousing, it's damn near dreamy.

things that frighten me:

silence: i can't stand it. cannot. even when i sleep, i like a little bit of ambient noise. total silence kind of scares me...i really have no idea why, but i somehow think it has to do with where i grew up. and yes...the "country" makes me go insane.

loneliness: as previously stated i am the queen of pessimism and cynicism...so, naturally, the idea that i may end up alone in my life is rather frightening. i'm well aware that not everyone is destined for marriage or whatever, and i know i'm independent and self sufficient enough to take care of myself and to not need anyone...but? i want someone...eventually. not for the sake of having someone, but the right someone. rather frightening to think that it may just not be.

i may not be able to have kids: i think i've talked about this before, but it's a possibility. not one that's ever been brought up to me, told to me, or anything of the sort. it's one i've just kind of concluded on my own...afterall, it's not normal to have consistent inconclusive test results, and to subsequently have biopsies.

failure: i hate losing, and i hate failure...if you've ever played any kind of game with me, you know this full well. but i'm beyond scared of failure for the simple fact that it goes hand-in-hand with disappointment, and that is one thing i cannot really handle being...especially to people that i love.

losing my family: it's a horrifying thought--to not have your mom, or dad, or sibling around anymore. i'll leave it at that.

things that fascinate me

humanity: people are fucking insane and for the life of me i cannot understand what the fuck is going on, if there is anything going on, in peoples heads. 'nuff said.

pet haters: i'm not a cat fan...never was, probably never will be, but i have a cat and i adore her. would i ever go out with the specific intent of getting a cat? nope, but if someone has a cat i don't constantly talk about how i want to throw the thing out the window. how can you hate a dog or cat to the point of just not even wanting to deal with them, at all? how can you hate them to the point of wanting to harm them? how can you hate them to the point of pet-ownership being a total deal breaker? it's fucking amazing!

nature: nothing is more beautiful, awe inspiring, destructive, breath taking etc. it's often replicated, but it can never be duplicated...and no two things are alike. the sunset you see on a monday is vastly different than the one you see on a tuesday...it's amazing. it really is.

blondes: well, moreso the fascination people have with being on. ummm, why? i have nothing against blondes, or people who dye their hair blonde...i just don't get it, and it fascinates me that people put so much effort into up-keeping things so that no one...or at least no man...is the wiser. i mean..i dye my hair, but it's usually a color that doesn't completely contrast with my roots.

the music played on kissfm: i admit it's catchy, i admit not all of it is horrible...but do people just not hear anymore? or are they just slaves to the trendy and gluttons for an image? dear christ, how do these artists even get a record deal, let alone anywhere near a recording studio to record whatever shit it is they are now playing on the "trendy" radio station?

alright. i'm done blabbering....back to figuring out how to make this migraine stop long enough so i can fall asleep.