so much has come from these battles lost and won, this life is shining more forever in the sun. staying high and dry is more trouble than it's worth.

first...a heartfelt fuck you to blogger for not only blocking me out of my account until about two seconds ago...but also for not loading at all on any of my computers except for this afternoon when it finally let me check, and then quickly decided to fuck me up the ass without so much as a spit shine immediately after my comment finally posted.

second...let us experience a day at the gyno with elle, shall we?

• nothing about the gyno is fun. nothing. and even the question of "do you take birth control?" kind of carries a stigma with it that really has no place being in a doctor's office, let alone a doctor's office that pretty much specializes in the horrible effects of sex [aka child birth], but whenever the question of "do you take birth control?" is asked at the gyno's it carries this sort of supposition that if you say "yes" and you are unmarried you are out there fucking everything you can...or maybe that's just my gyno's office, and just the way the nurse thinks...either way, when i answered "yes" she then followed up with "and are you sexually active?" to which i said "i have been, but i haven't been in a while." "so what? like a month?" "no, more like almost a year." "oh." and then just looked at me with total and complete disbelief the entire rest of thet ime we talked. hoo-hum.

• i got into the room, i got butt ass naked...but i left my socks on 'cause it's freezing outside and thus freezing inside on account of it being rather unseasonably cold...put on the hideous gown, which i strangely look rather cute in [sad eh? i look good in fucking hospital gowns, but not actual clothing...], sat down, and commenced reading this months "car and driver." the doctor walks in, introduces himself, and then looks at me rather strangely and says "are you reading a car magazine?" "yes." "really? your boyfriend into cars?" "no, no boyfriend, i just really like cars." "well isn't that interesting!" snarf.
  

• there is something insanely strange about getting your tits felt up for lumps, while you and the doctor from south africa engage in conversation about shark attacks.
  

• after begrudingly placing my legs in the stirups, he muttered a "good god!" with regard to the bell i have on my taco...so to speak. "did that hurt?" "not really." "does it help? you know, with sexual stimulation?" "i guess so yea." "you guess?" "well, i really haven't had a prime opportunity to use it." and then he just kind of gave me this look of disbelief.
  

• while doing my exam, and the fun fun pap smear, he actually said "you know? most girls come in and say they aren't very active sexually, and most of the time things say otherwise and i don't believe them, but i have to say that i completely believe you after doing your exam. " i guess i'm tight as a two year old. yay.
  

• before i got to un-hostpital robe myself and put my clothes on, he told me to say hi to my mother. *shudder*

uch. i hope to god i don't have to go back in two weeks like i usually do. i may actually die of embarassment over the lack of sex i actually do have.