Sunday, October 15, 2006

i couldn't eat for days, i cried so much my face hasn't been the same. now you're back here with your lies. i hope you realize i don't forgive easily

alright, before i get into things...can i just extend a hearty "what the fuck?" to this new birth control thing entitled the "nuva ring"? i mean seriously! what the shit is that? as if the patch wasn't stupid enough, now you're going to insert a plastic ring into your cooch so that the perilous and mind consuming task of remembering to take a pill that is dwarfed by a tic-tac is no more. who wants to shove something into their vagina and leave it there for a month? and, outside of that, if you can't remember to take a fucking pill once a day then odds are you shouldn't be anywhere near something that could let you procreate and spread your fucktarded seed into the gene pool.

alright! glad i got that off my giguntor chest.

anyway...for those playing "e's life, the home game"...i suppose i should divulge a bit about my little ol' date huh?

it went...umm okay?

he's from philly, moved here a few months ago for his residency, and has no clue about anything here other than he hates it [amen to that]. thus, per my decree, we met at one of my most favoritest bars here in the shithole of america...and we talked about everything from my hood piercing to politics. he's laid back and mellow much like i am [okay..fine..minus the mellow because i'm one hyper lil' spazz] and he had the most gorgeous eyes. the best way to encapsulate his peepers is to say he has doe eyes, and i realize that's a very homsexual and shitty analogy...but they were big, brown, warm, and insanely innocent. we met at nine, we departed at eleven...not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, albeit he was on call and missed his beloved "gray's anatomy" to meet me.

the final words? "that was fun, we should do it again sometime"..to which i said "anytime" and the final act was an awkward hug. my conclusion is i probably won't hear from him ever again. i'm sure you are all sitting there going "you're too hard on yourself!" or "you don't know that!" or, better yet "well, he's a retard if he doesn't see how awesome you are." tra la la la la...but i'm not going to argue any of that, even if i completely disagree.

nope. i think i won't hear from him again for one simple reason: i don't know how to not be aloof.

i'm not completely distant or cold...but i'm not overflowing with joy and excitement either, and i can see how that comes off in a bad light vis a vis the guy sitting next to me trying to feel things out. it's hard enough to meet someone you don't know and find a common ground and feel things out, but when you add in the fact the person is well guarded and slightly ambivalent...well? i would imagine it's like pure hell.

i'm extremely laid back, but i'm also petrified of relationships...and i think the combination equates to an air of disinterest on my part. it probably doesn't help that i have no idea how to gauge if someone is interested in me or not either.

o-well. i have other things to worry about...like this upcoming departure from this piece of shit city i'm absolutely dreading.

oh..and in other news...i tested out the hair dye i'm using for halloween..and holy fuckin'a it's bright as shit...



seriously, i had to light it up in photoshop so that it didn't just look like big red streaks in a black abyss. i love eeeet! but thank the lord it washes out in ten shampoos!

21 comments:

KJ said...

Well Holy Hell..........I'm first

Rock on.

Never, ever, in a million years would I stick a plastic ring in my cooch for birth control....nope.

The pill is best friend......just saying.

The date......if he missed Grey's for you.......well that says a lot in my book :)

Love the hair

Michael said...

I sold a lot of nuva rings when I worked in pharmacy. Holy crap, that's one more reason why I'm glad I'm a guy. Women have to stick things in their va-jay-jay, and many of them are not very pleasant.

Ambivalence is a funny thing. Everyone feels it, and it causes a lot of stress (especially in relationships). However, the stress doesn't come from feeling ambivalence, but in how we manage it. Even the "happiest" couples feel ambivalent and unsure about their relationships at times. However, the happier couples just manage it better.

If you like the guy, maybe you could email him again in a few days or so to tell him what a great time you had and throw in a follow-up question about something you talked about. That way the email seems casual, leaves an opening for conversation, and suggests you may be interested. He'd probably realize that you actually had a good time but were a little nervous/slow to open up. The email will cue him to give you a call.

I give him points for missing Grey's Anatomy. I only watch three TV shows a week myself (Grey's being one of them), and if I were to miss one for a woman, there's probably something special about her.

Aliecat said...

Hooo...well, I used the Ring for a year, and I must say, I loved it...a lot. It is wierd to stick it in your cooter, but it's no more wierd than a diaphram, or say, a penis. But I'm bad at taking pills and allergic to adhesives and I don't want to gain 60 pounds by going on the shot...so it's the ring for me! Plus you don't get as many side effects as the Pill. But that's just me.

da buttah said...

Kristen: i agree, the pill is my number one choice. he tivo'd the episode and is going to watch it when he gets back from nyc, so i'm not sure how much it has to do with me heh

Michael: but the pleasant thing we stick in your vajayjay is a wang, and you boys seem to enjoy that just fine :) i don't know if i like the guy, actually....he would totally win my parents approval though. and what beats the uber jew combo of a doctor and a lawyer?! i e-mailed him asking him how his trip was, i think that's all i can really do.

Aliecat: i just can't see myself shoving a ring up there. i'd probably sit there and wonder if it's going to fall out when i'm running, or if his dick will pull it out. granted there is no "he," and i take birth control for the simple fact that i see no point in stopping...so, i guess me missing a day or two isn't a huge deal. i'd still rather just take a pill. to each their own though.

Anonymous said...

Who in the hell develops something like that?

Anyway.... I guess the date could have been worse. At least he wasn't an asshole, ya know?

yournamehere said...

He didn't drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead, so..VICTORY!

DZER said...

can't the guy just wear it as a cock ring whilst penetrating yer coochie?

flounder said...

Hood piercing?

flounder said...

OK, I just went to wikipedia and looked it up.

So...

Vertical or horizontal?

RobynB said...

Do you like the piercing?

da buttah said...

Wes: true, but he may just be a covert asshole.

YNH: that cdould have hot though :)

Dzer: the birth control cock ring? intresting! why not just put a plug in your dick?

Flounder: haha, it's on wikipedia? vertical. horizontal is begging for it to become a clothing hazard.

RobynB: well, yes and no. it's not like i'm this sex vixen who gets to reap the rewards of it all the time, but for the 2 guys that have see it up close and personal, they thought it was a nice surprise, and it does make things better.

Anonymous said...

What's the object of "E's life the home game". I think I've been playing but I have no idea how I'm doing. What do I have to do to win?

da buttah said...

fantastic question, chris.

unfortunately i have no idea, and thanks to my sinuses taking over my head i can't think of anything witty to counter.

fuck.

flounder said...

That would be a nice surprise, though I'd be concerned that I would get an unwanted tongue piercing!

da buttah said...

holy shit flounder..do you tuna dive with a vengeance or something?!

if i can run 6 miles and not have it fall out or move..i think it's okay.

Scumbag said...

the nuva ring is a rip off. i should know. well, my wife should know. apparently my sperm is so powerful that anyone within 20 feet of me is instantly 3 months pregnant.

da buttah said...

*steps away from shane*

flounder said...

If I'm going down there, I'm hittin that thang like I was Marsellus Wallace!

Anonymous said...

"If I'm going down there, I'm hittin that thang like I was Marsellus Wallace!"...??? So you're gonna call a couple hard, pipe-hitten niggas to go to work on it with a pair of pliers and a blow-torch?

flounder said...

If necessary.

Natalia said...

Yaay for Okay date...it's better than a decidedly bad date.

I don't get that stupid birth control thing either. And I kept wondering while watching the commercial, "what if it decides to travel up?" and, "what if it hurts Mr. Hagfish...right? It's the dumbest idea even if those were non-issues.

-N