forfeit all of my lives just to get one right. all those colors long since faded and all the smiles confiscated. i never armed my soul for this.

alright...i'm pretty adamant about people not deleting comments, and it usually pisses me off like no other when i look at someone's blog, then go back later that day and whatever post was there is missing. accordingly, i'm not going to be a total hypocrite...i'm just going to "hide" the embarrassing smut, and give you this:



i almost like it better than the original song...and video wise, well...the gold teeth mouth guard thing the dude wears in the original video freaks the shit out of me..so, yea. this is preferred.

heh, god weird al cracks me the fuck up.

i'm drunk...and i've had a lot on my mind.

i usually have a lot on my mind. most of the time i avoid all keyboard-ish looking things, hide my phone, and sing/scream along to music when the shit-load on my mind becomes a bit too much, but...i'm drunk...so instead, i fucking post it here like the fucking idiot i am, and then wonder why people think i'm a royal bitch, an elitist whore, have a plethora of issues, hate men, am bitter and jaded, and am all around a shitty human being.

figures.

so what's on my fucking mind?

everything.

this proverbial funk has made a cozy little habitat in my mind...

i have no idea what i want to do with my life let alone where i want to move in a year and a half when everything is said and done and pretty much set in stone...

i'm tired of living in duplicity...

it's clear, now, that some people who called themselves friends are really nothing more than self-serving...

i'm fucking sick of being on the outside looking in, even when it's my own life under the microscope...

i don't understand why not one mother fucking guy can find me at least mildly interesting and attractive enough to bother trying to get to know me in a non-friend way...

respect is something very few people will ever give

my body is the single temple that makes me seethe with complete hate and the utmost disgust

i'm a source of disappointment and am doomed to be a failure in the eyes i would die to see approval in

the bulk of my dreams lie in the category of unfeasible, if not within the confines of impossibility.

hope is gone and faith is slowly dissipating.

there's a reason i'm constantly standing alone...and there's a reason why i feel dead inside...but that's just feeling, and even if how i feel is right, or justified, or plausible...it's wrong.

some people like to be the victim. they like to constantly put themselves in situations that are terrible for themselves simply so they can feed off of the sympathy, support, attention, and the feeling of having something more than nothing. hand these people a brush and they will paint themselves to be a loving and selfless individual who wants nothing more than to sacrifice themselves to make someone else happy. sure. that may be true, but i'd wager that about ninety-nine percent of the people who wax poetic about how loving and selfless they are, are the opposite. they simply place themselves in situations where they get to come out smelling like humanitarian roses. what better situation is there than one in which you are the poor, hapless victim of something that's knowingly destructive?

i like to play the part of the flaw. i somehow always rationalize that i'm the defect in the situation...and how you feel can never be right when you're the source.

i don't want something more than nothing, i want nothing.

anything outside of the black and white is nothing more than a downward spiral into shades of gray that say nothing. they simply point the finger at me, regardless of the question, situation, or line of thought.

that's the reason i keep people, at minimum, an arm's length away...that's why i avoid making decisions. feelings may always be wrong, but actualization and end results are permanent, to say the least.

my what a tangled web we weave when first we start to have all malevolent roads commence with you.