there's nothing in this world i need you to do. just hold me in your arms. there are dark clouds gathering. oh, please won't you take me home?

i had another post written out, but it can wait.

if you've read this blog more than twice then it's more than obvious i am far from a lover of people, but i'm a die-hard animal lover.

in a way i can understand people being cruel to other people. people have a voice, they can protest, they can voice their disdain, feelings, emotions, thoughts...they may choose not to, but they have the ability to communicate. i'm not saying that when someone sodomizes a child it's justified, or that i'm okay with it...i think it's disgusting and i think public excution should be brought back for those kinds of situations...but, there's an ounce of guilt that goes along with it because the person hears the objections, hears the screams, sees the face of the victim...there's association there.

that's not true with animals.

you throw a dog into a wall, it whimpers and walks off. you strike a dog, and it cowers in fear. but despite that initial reaction, the dog still loves you unconditionally. you are it's world. the same goes for cats. yes, cats are fairly unattached, but they still know who their owner is, and they still love them. there's a reason why my cat runs off and hides when someone comes into my apartment, but runs up and flops on her back for a belly rub when i walk in. somehow she knows it's me. and for as independent and unattached as cats are claimed to be, she still sits on my lap whenever she can, demands on sleeping not just with me but curled up on top of me, and she will run across the room just to rub up against my hand when i put it out and call her name.

animals don't really ask for anything. it really is the most unadulterated example of unconditional love. all you have to do is exist, and somehow they take care of the rest. they forgive you for things simply because you came back or because you gave them a treat...and somehow people can take advantage of such a devotion and abuse the animal.

i used to work at a humane society in high school and it was incredible what people would do to animals. outside of parents bringing pets they got for their children because the children wouldnt' take care of the pet--which is the most retarded reason i've yet to hear for bringing an animal to the shelter--we had more abused animals than i think anyone could fathom. we had dogs that were whipped, dogs that had electric shock collars literally burned into their skin, dogs that were beaten with hot cattle prods, cats there were run over by their own owner, cats that were declawed by their owners and left to die outside, rabbits that were in such disgusting conditions that it the rabbit had to be shaved to get rid of all the parasites and mites.

one dog that i convinced my family to foster was a doberman named fred. he was thrown into a barbed wire fence by his owner and snapped his neck. he had to wear a neck brace for over a year, he had to have his spine surgically reset. the procedures cost nearly ten thousand dollars, and thank god my parents helped the shelter pay for things. but, even after all that no one knew if he would really live to see the next day. thankfully he did, and despite all odds he could walk...even though he didn't have very much control over his back paws and was prone to falling.

i found my own cat in a sealed box outside in the rain. she was wet, covered in dirt, and so skinny you could count every single one of her ribs, and vertebrae.

it's heartbreaking. it's even more heartbreaking to walk in and see that one of the animals is missing because no one would adopt them and had to be euthanized. fred was adopted by a friend of mine and is still alive, despite all odds, and thanks to some physical therapy and exercises he doesn't fall as much. he still remembers me, my mom, and my dad...and every time i see him he just has this look of "thank you" in his eyes when i give him a huge and a kiss.

lulu, in her own way, says thank you everyday for effectively saving her from starving to death. even sofie, who has never really had to deal with anything but being spoiled her entire life, seems greatful for me doing nothing more than what i'm supposed to do: giving her a loving home. people say i spoil the shit out of my girls, i say i give them exactly what they give me--happiness.

so, i don't get it. for the life of me i can't understand what possess someone to take advantage of a creature that wants nothing more than to love you, and be loved.

i freak out and am almost in tears when i drop my dog off at the kennel prior to a vacation and see the look on her face, and i was depressed as fuck the week after i got my cat declawed because she was so visibly miserable it made me miserable. i can't even fathom actually inflicting pain on my dog or cat [yes, declawing is arguably inhumane, but she was a kitten and when it's between having a home or having claws, i'm thinking she would even agree that home is the better option.]

how can you knowingly hurt them? how can you look into their eyes that scream "you are my everything" and violate the unfounded yet given bonds of trust and love that radiates from each and every glance that falls on you? how can you do it repeatedly?

what brought this entire rant on? while picking up treats and food for my kids, there was an adoption drive outside of petsmart, and one of the dogs was at his last chance. this was the last month he had to get adopted, and if not....well, lets hope all dogs go to heaven. i was reading his little bio, and he's had three homes in the past two years--home number one brought him in for the inexcusable reason that the kids wouldn't take care of him; home number two would discipline him with a crowbar; home number three left him on a ten foot leash outside with a water dish and a food bowl...the police were called in not because leaving a dog outside all year round without food or water, let alone without food or water while attached to a tree, is borderline torture but because his "brother" died of dehydration this summer and off to the shelter he went...again.

he won't ever get adopted, and it's because right in his bio is one simple line that dooms him more than his age ever would: "is aggressive with strangers." can you blame him? children who are abused grow up to be aggressive adults...so how can you fault a dog that was beaten with a fucking crowbar for being a little leary of people he doesn't know?

the dog i had growing up was abused, and we were his third home...and we never once had an issue with him. never. not once did he ever growl at anyone in my family, try to bite anyone in my family, or do anything that would be considered aggressive. from day one he was a pussy cat with us. he knew we were his new family, and he knew we weren't going to hurt him...his only downfall was that he hated everyone else until the fourth or fifth time they were in the house.

but people don't see that. they don't see the potential for an awesome and loyal pet that would seriously protect them to its death. they see "aggressive" and move on.

it's not fair. it's not his fault...it's not their fault. one shitty family, and then off to the shelter you go where you're on a timeline to get adopted, otherwise it's off to the backroom.

it really does break my heart...and someday, i'll be able to do more than donate time and money.

someday.